"I have no doubt that you're gonna pass your test on the first try, which is kind of annoying.. because it took me two times." Josh laughed, placing his hand behind my headrest, smirking back at me. I shook my head.

"I don't know, I.. I get nervous with things like that." I sighed, putting the van in park.

"Well, if it'll help, I can take you the day of if you want." I nodded, biting down on my lip.

"I'd like that."

When we got back onto the bus, I looked around, hanging on to what tiny piece of hope I had left that maybe, somehow throughout the day, Jake had remembered. I slid open the door, peeking into the back room.

Nothing.

I went in, reaching under the bed and pulled out everything I had got him and placed it on his side; the stuffed lion propped up on top of his pillow, his card on the end table, and the song for him I had finally finished writing, though something told me I wouldn't be up to singing anything for him tonight.

I quickly made my way out before Josh could notice. I didn't want him to see how disappointed I really was. Today with him was more than enough, but it was embarrassing how much I still clung to this idea that Jake would suddenly appear with one of his usual grand gestures, despite him giving me every reason to know that he wouldn't be.

But I knew I would hold out for him forever.

And sometimes it did more harm than good.

"Hey.." Josh called out. "I gotta start heading in. Do you.. wanna come with me or-"

"Yeah, I'll come with you." I said, forcing a smile. He lead us into the venue, bringing me backstage.

"Hey, um.. I'm gonna go wait in the wings." I said.

"O-okay.. yeah, sure. I'll.. I'll see you after the show then." He nodded.

I quickly made my way towards Jake's side of the stage when I ran into Sam, who reached over, gently grabbing my arm to stop me.

"Hey.." He said softly, giving me a gentle smile. "Um.. Happy Valentine's Day." My cheeks burned.

"Oh.. yeah, thanks.. Happy Valentine's Day." He hesitated for a moment, before pulling out one of the white roses from their bouquet, handing it to me.

"Here, for you." He giggled. I couldn't help but smile, taking it from him.

"T-thank you." I managed. He shrugged, holding his stare on me for a moment before making his way towards his side of the stage. I turned, watching him until he disappeared around the corner.

I could feel my face start to get hot again, my heart beating faster. I tried my best to calm myself down, knowing what was about to happen again. Even Sam had remembered, but here I was, just wanting something from Jake, anything. Even still.

By the time I finally heard Jake make his way into the wings, the lights had already gone down, the screams in the crowd getting louder and louder. I then felt his hand on the small of my back as he leaned in, quickly kissing my cheek.

"Hey!" He said cheerfully. "There you are, I missed you today."

"Coulda fooled me." I mumbled. He went over, grabbing his guitar, lifting it over his head. When he finally turned to face me, his face dropped.

"W-what's wrong?" He asked. I bit down on my lip, feeling my cheeks burn. I looked away, trying my best to keep from crying again.

"Jess.." He said, coming over to me. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." I sighed. "Fine."

"You don't sound fine."

"We.. we can talk about it later." He held his stare on me, his eyes getting wide.

"W-what's wrong? Did.. did I do something?"

"No." I snapped. "You didn't do anything. That's the problem."

"Jess, w-what do you mean?" He asked, reaching out for me. I peeked up at him, feeling my eyes water again. I hated feeling like this. I knew he wasn't doing this on purpose, but that didn't mean I still couldn't be upset. This was our first Valentine's Day. It was supposed to be special.

I leaned up, gently kissing him on the cheek.

"Have a good show. We'll.. we'll talk after, okay? I love you." He nodded, hesitating before pulling me back into a tender kiss, gently caressing my neck, holding me in close. My heart started pounding. As upset as I was, I didn't want it to end. I gently grabbed onto his shirt, kissing him back.

"I love you." He said before running out on stage.

The night felt like a blur, everything was starting to become routine. At this point, I basically had their entire set memorized, where they were at all times, down to every little mannerism. I could perfectly time when to get the best shots of each of them down to the second.

During the last song, I went back into the wings to wait for Jake to run off. I felt my heart beat faster as he flashed me his usual smile, wrapping me into his arms.

"I'm exhausted." He sighed, kissing my forehead. "I can't wait to just go lay down." He lifted his guitar over his head, placing it down on the rack.

"Today felt like it dragged on forever." He groaned, wrapping his arm around me, guiding me down the hallway. He wasn't wrong.

"How was the video?" I asked. "What did they want you to do?"

"Oh, it was nothing crazy. They just wanted some candid stuff of me playing."

"Oh.."

"Yeah, and you know how the interviews are, it's amazing how people can find so many ways to ask the same questions. I swear if I have to talk about where the name of our band came from one more time.." He laughed, his voice trailing off. I nodded, forcing a laugh, squeezing his hand tighter. He quickly grabbed his bags from his dressing room, and lead us back out to the bus.

As we made our way up the steps, I felt his hands on my waist, gently pushing me towards the back room. Before opening the door, he turned me around to face him, pulling me into a passionate kiss. My heart jumped. I hesitated before finally reaching up, wrapping my arms around his neck, kissing him back harder.

I hated how easy it was for him to make me want him, but that didn't change how I felt, and I knew it was all going to come rushing back once we went inside and I saw my gifts for him lied out on the bed.

His kisses slowly moved down to my neck as he reached forward, opening the door, gently pushing me inside and shutting and locking the door behind him. When he finally moved away, I saw his eyes get wide as they shot over to his side of the bed.

"Oh my god.." He sighed, looking back down at me. His face dropped, his cheeks burning red.

"Jess, I'm.. I'm so sorry." He said softly, going over and picking up the stuffed lion on his pillow. "Jess.. I.. I didn't mean.. I'm sorry." He said again, turning back to face me. "I'm sure it doesn't mean much now but.. Happy Valentine's Day." I bit down on my lip, feeling my face get hot as I leaned back against the door, avoiding his eyes.

"Yeah.." I whispered. He stayed quiet as he opened his card, reading it quietly to himself:

Dear Jake,

It was impossible for me to find a card that fully captures how much I love you, not just today, but every day. So, I tried my best to put it into a song. Everything you write for me is so beautiful, I only hope I can come close to returning the favor.

Happy Valentine's Day!

I love you, always & forever.

Love, Jess.

He then grabbed the piece of paper I had left under his card, my heart beating faster and faster the longer he stayed silent. When he finally looked back up at me, he had tears in his eyes.

"You wrote me another song?" He asked. I nodded, avoiding his eyes, trying my hardest not to cry again. I nodded.

"C-can I hear it?" I shook my head.

"I understand. I.. Jess, I'm so sorry. It's just.. with everything going on, I.. I barely know what day it is anymore, and I just.. I lost track. I'm so sorry, you.. you probably hate me."

"I could never hate you." I whispered.

"But.. you're upset."

"I.. I am. Today was.. really important to me, and.. I know you're so caught up in everything that's going on, and.. I understand that but.. that doesn't mean you can just forget about every other part of your life. You asked me to marry you, so.. you need to make time for me too. Have you noticed that ever since this all started, you haven't asked me about my day.. once? I was so excited to tell you about how I drove for the first time, and-"

"You drove? When?" He asked, staring up at me confused. "You told me you didn't have a license."

"Josh has been teaching me." I muttered, feeling my cheeks burn. I saw his jaw clench.

"Josh?"

"You've been so busy and since neither of us had plans today, he offered to teach me." Jake held his stare on me, his cheeks burning red. "But.. you would've known this if you asked about me once in a while."

He then looked over at my pillow to see the elephant sitting on top.

"Where'd you get that?" He asked sternly. My heart started beating faster.

"Josh surprised me.. this morning. After you left."

"Oh.." He said, looking back down at my card, propping it up on his end table again. He got up, coming over to me and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into a tight hug. I hesitated before finally hugging him back, hiding my face in his chest. I didn't want to fight with him. I was tired of fighting with him.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled, kissing the top of my head. "I'll make it up to you, I promise."

"It's okay." I sighed. "The day's over." He looked back down at me, his face dropping.

"Will you ever play that song for me?" He asked, gently touching my cheek. My whole body got hot as he gently combed his fingers through my hair, caressing my neck, pulling me in closer.

He was doing it again.

"Maybe." I sighed, my eyes moving down to his lips. He then pulled me into a long, tender kiss, tangling his fingers in my hair.

"I thought you were exhausted." I asked, staring back up at him, noticing his eyelids already getting heavier.

"I am, but.. I don't wanna go to sleep if you're still mad at me." I reached up, gently touching his cheek.

"It's okay." I said, gently lifting his shirt over his head, tossing it onto the floor. His cheeks burned as he reached out for me, going for my shirt. I stopped him.

"Not tonight." I muttered, pulling him onto the bed, lifting up his blanket. "You need to sleep."

"No, I.. I wanna be with you." He said softly, crawling over me. My heart started beating faster, my eyes moving back down to his lips. As badly as I wanted to..

"Come here.." I sighed, pulling him back down next to me. He finally gave in, crawling under the blankets, wrapping his arm around me and hiding his face in my neck. I gently ran my fingers up and down his back, and in what felt like a matter of seconds, he was asleep. His grip got tighter as he nuzzled closer, his warm, gentle breaths softly blowing against my skin.

It wasn't long before I felt myself starting to doze off, the darkness of the bedroom slowly fading into the glaringly sunny parking lot from this afternoon. Josh back in the driver's seat on the van, leaning over, eating from out of my hands again, his lips gently grazing my fingertips. The moment played over and over in my mind until this time, he parked the van, bringing me into the backseat, pulling me onto his lap. Leaning my forehead against his, my heart was racing as one of his hands tightly gripped my waist, the other slowly gliding up my chest until he was caressing my cheek, pulling me into a passionate kiss. His kisses got harder as his hands wandered, slowly lifting my shirt over my head, tossing it onto the seat next to us. It all felt like a blur, our clothes coming off piece by piece, his soft lips covering every inch of my skin. I clung to him tightly as he pulled me into another long, deep kiss.

"I love you, Jess." He sighed. I backed away, leaning my forehead against his to see him staring back at me with his big, brown eyes.

But before I could react, I was jolted awake by Jake twitching in his sleep, clinging tightly to me again, his breathing heavy and inconsistent, almost like he was having a nightmare. I gently shook him and he jumped again, staring up at me, wide-eyed, as if unsure of where he was.

"You okay?" I whispered. He looked around, rubbing his eyes before lying his head back down onto my chest, pulling me up against him again. He nodded, leaning up, gently kissing my cheek before drifting back to sleep.

I gently ran my fingers through his hair, gliding them up and down his back as I replayed my dream over and over again in my mind, my cheeks burning at the thought, my heart now beating faster, wondering how I'd ever be able to get back into that van with him ever again.