I leaned back up against the counter, watching as Jake hung over Ronnie's shoulder while she ecstatically began planning their wedding, not even twenty-four hours after Jake had proposed.

I still wasn't sure how I felt about it. I didn't even have time to register the fact that, not only was my brother apparently getting married, but I felt wrong by not being.. thrilled about it. But I couldn't say anything, and even if I did, it wouldn't matter. It was bad enough Sam was acting the way he was, I couldn't make it any worse.

Nor did I want to.

Jess seemed happy, and I didn't want to upset her anymore than Sam already had. Peeking out the window, I could see her sitting close to him on the same side of the picnic table. I could only imagine what he was saying to her.

Part of me hated the fact that he was most likely trying to convince her that she had made the wrong choice, that he was the one she should be with, and part of me envied the fact that he could be so bold. I wondered if things would be different if I was a little more like him.

Jess had openly thrown herself at me, thinking it was him the other night. Obviously he was doing something right with her; him and Jake obviously had something I was missing. But I guess I'll never know.

My heart then dropped as I saw her get up from the table, storming away from him, making her way back to the house. I knew I could make her feel better if she'd let me, but I knew all she wanted was Jake, and backing off was the best thing I could give her right now.

When she opened the door, Jake perked up, giving her a questioning look. She shrugged, going over and taking him by the hand, pulling him out of the kitchen and down the hall towards his bedroom, shutting the door behind them. My stomach dropped.

It was already bad enough I had to hear them on the bus. Couldn't they spare me the boisterous details for just one day? That was one thing that was always reserved for Jake, and I hated how much it ate away at me.

Ronnie then peeked up from her computer, smirking at me.

"And how are you doing?" She asked quietly. My cheeks burned. I shrugged, avoiding her eyes.

"I'm fine." I said simply. She nodded.

"You're better at hiding it than Sam, but.. that doesn't mean I can't tell." I sighed, shrugging again.

"She's happy." Her smile grew.

"How did this even happen with the three of you?" She laughed. I went over, leaning up against the counter across from her.

"Honestly, Ron, I wish I knew.." I said softly. She nodded, looking back down at her computer.

"She kissed me the other night, though." I said quietly, looking down. Her head shot back up, her eyes going wide.

"What do you mean??" She snapped.

"But.. it.. it wasn't even meant for me." I muttered. "She thought I was Sam."

"So.. she does have feelings for Sam." She asked. I nodded, avoiding her eyes.

"I'm not entirely sure of everything that's gone on between them but.. definitely enough for him to act like this. When have you ever seen him act like this?" Ronnie shook her head.

"Never." She sighed. I nodded.

I picked my head up as I heard Mom making her way back in, giving me gentle smile.

"How are you, honey?" She asked, gently rubbing my back. My cheeks burned.

"I'm fine." I mumbled.

Honestly, this was the last thing I wanted to be talking about right now. I would have loved to have stormed out just like Sam the moment I saw that ring, but I knew how much that would've hurt Jess, and she didn't deserve that. I hated that he did that to her. And I hated knowing that she cared way more about the fact that it was him, rather than if it was me. The least I could do was be there and be happy for her.

Having her as a friend was better than not having her at all. And she didn't do anything wrong. She feels how she feels and.. I couldn't be mad at her for that. We tried, and.. she was kind in how she let me down. I really couldn't ask for more than that. I just wish things could've.. been different.

I thought back to our night in her apartment, how easy it was for us to talk to each other. Maybe it was the wine, or maybe it was because her and I genuinely understood each other. Things felt so easy with her when we weren't caught up in everything else. When it was just the two of us, I felt I could really be myself around her, and she truly knew me. So many times I feel like I have to be this elevated version of myself for people to understand me.. but never with her. I couldn't help but wonder if things could have turned out differently if she had never gotten involved with Jake, if it would be me she would be planning her wedding with right now.

She said that "I remind her too much of Jake for it to ever work out," so would that have meant he would have reminded her too much of me? It was useless to torture myself with thoughts like this when there was nothing I could do to change how she felt.. but I couldn't help it.

I looked over as I heard Jake's bedroom door opened, flirty giggles echoing down the hallway as him and Jess made their way back into the kitchen, hand in hand, her eyes glued on him as always. How much I admired the fact that she could make any guy feel like the only guy in the room. Though my time with her was sparse, I remember the feeling so vividly.

"And what are you two up to?" Mom asked, flashing him a smile. Jake went into the fridge, pulling out different bags and jars, spreading them out onto the counter.

"I'm making us lunch, and then we're gonna go out for a bit before we have to head to the venue." He said. Jess sat back down next to Ronnie, watching him as he made them both sandwiches, carefully wrapping them, and sticking them in a cooler along with a bottle of whatever was left in the fridge.

I tried my hardest to be happy for them, I really did. I was happy that Jake was happy.. but there would always be a small part of me that ached for that to be me.

I quietly stood back watching as he finished getting everything together, taking her by the hand again. Before leaving, she turned back, giving me a gentle smile. My heart jumped, my cheeks burning red as I nodded, smiling back.

Watching through the door, I saw he was leading her back outside toward the picnic table. Thankfully Sam had already disappeared.

"And what was that?" Ronnie snickered. I felt my heart beating faster.

"Probably nothing." I sighed, shrugging. "If I overanalyzed every little thing she did, I would drive myself crazy." I admitted. She shook her head, giggling to herself.

"Don't you do that already?" She asked. I bit down on my lip, containing my smile.

"Shut up."