So we talked.

And talked,

and talked,

and talked,

about anything, about everything. It was the longest him and I had ever spent alone together, just.. talking. Just listening to each other. It was like meeting him for the first time all over again; back tracking through every timid and nerve-racking step we had skipped over before we stumbled headfirst into our own definition of love. He looked different to me come morning; even more beautiful and real, a layer of his perfection chipped away, exposing the version of him that I had always longed for. Our gentle whispers intruding on the silence of the dawn like giddy school children at a sleepover, fighting the urge to close their eyes, not wanting to miss a single moment over something as senseless as sleep.

Defenseless and drunk on exhaustion, our once sober walls were torn down little by little with every thought and secret shared between two lovers under the spell of the early morning haze, wanting nothing more than to just be closer to one another, in every sense of the word.

"Addison is leaving Will." I muttered, cuddling closer to him, feeling my eyelids getting heavier. He wrapped his arm around me, gently running his fingers up and down my back.

"Good." He said softly, leaning his head on top of mine.

"She told me not to tell anyone." I felt his lips curl into a smile.

"Oh, so I don't count?" He giggled to himself. I shook my head.

"No.. you're my person. You don't count." I sighed. He turned his head, pressing his lips against my forehead.

"You're my person too." He sighed. He was quiet for a moment, his hands slowing down as he started to drift.

"Will said that.. sometimes he regrets having Sophie." He eventually mentioned. "And.. Addison wasn't the one. But basically just.. the next one."

"Addison said that things always change when you have kids. And if you can't grow together then.. you just end up growing apart." I bit down on my lip, forcing my eyes back open. "Jake, I don't ever want things to change between us." I said softly.

"They wont." He sighed. "Because we're not them. And all I want to do is grow with you."

I leaned in, gently kissing his lips, feeling them instantly curve into a smile. He forced his eyes open, pulling me closer.

"I think we should wait." I finally said, hiding my face in his chest. I felt him nod.

"Me too. We have plenty of time. I want to enjoy right now with you, so we'll have plenty of good stories to tell when they finally arrive. And.. I still have something to give you first." He laughed. I nodded.

"Yeah, I want that." I said, smirking up at him.

"And you're gonna get it." He sighed. "I just.. I want to talk to your dad first." My heart jumped.

"My dad?" I asked, sitting up. He stared up at me, nodding as his smile grew.

"Mhm. We're gonna be back in your hometown soon, so I'd feel better if he was okay with me.. asking you something." He giggled. I bit down on my lip, shaking my head.

"You can say what it is." I laughed. He shook his head.

"No, because then.. it'll start to feel casual and.. it's special. I never want it to not feel special." I nodded, gently touching his cheek.

"Okay." I said softly. "Maybe this time I can actually show you around." He propped his head up onto his hand, flashing me a wide grin.

"I'd like that." He smirked. "Is.. is what's-his-name gonna be there?" My cheeks burned.

"Um.. he.. he will probably find a way to be around, yes." I laughed. He sighed.

"Great." He laughed. I shrugged.

"So we go to one show. It's important to my family, but.. then the rest of the time is all ours." I said, running my fingers through his hair.

"If you ever wanted to though.." I said, changing the subject. "Addison said we could come over and see Sophie whenever we want." His smile grew.

"I'd like that."

"I figured you would." I laughed. He reached up, gently holding my face in his hand, keeping his eyes closed.

"I figured you would too. Don't think I didn't notice the way you were looking at me." He smirked. My cheeks burned as my heart started beating faster.

"Why do you think we're even having this conversation." I laughed, playfully shoving him. He rolled back over, pulling me closer, gently running his hands up my body.

"I'm surprised you didn't jump me the second we walked through that door." He said softly, his voice deep and tired. My heart started beating faster as his hands traveled up my chest, gently tracing my neck.

"I wanted to." I smirked, biting down on my lip.

"Jess, you know you can do whatever you want to me." He sighed, giving me a sly grin, staring back in such a way that would have had me weak in the knees, making me thankful I was already laying down. My heart jumped, my entire body feeling like it was on fire as he subtly licked his lips, his eyes moving down to mine. I rolled over, positioning myself on top of him, pulling him into a passionate kiss. He tightly tangled his fingers in my hair, pulling me closer, kissing me back harder.

In the rigorous battle between desire and exhaustion, our amorous kisses turned delicate and sparse; the weight of our eyelids exceeding the hunger for each other's lips as I eventually rested my head on his bare chest, and was gently rocked to sleep by his even breaths and echoing heartbeat.

"Whatcha working on?" Josh asked, making his way over to my bunk. My cheeks burned as I turned my notebook away.

"Just.. a little something." I muttered.

"Can I see?" He asked. I shook my head, keeping my eyes down.

"You're writing secret songs now?" He laughed. I shook my head, peeking up at him.

"No one said it was a song." I laughed, feeling my face get hot. Of course it was, but he didn't need to know that. As far as I was concerned, no one needed to know.

He grabbed onto the side of my bunk, rocking back and forth. I could tell there was more.

"What?" I finally asked. He shrugged.

"Just wanted to make sure you were okay." He said plainly, keeping his eyes down. I shrugged.

"I could ask you the same thing." He peeked up at me, giving me a smirk.

"I accepted it a while ago.. it's still fresh for you." I shrugged, continuing to write, hoping maybe he'd get the hint.

He didn't.

"Did you know she wanted kids?" He asked. My heart dropped. I had been trying my hardest to get that out of my mind. Because I knew that wasn't just for anyone. That meant kids with Jake specifically.

Part of me wondered if things could've been different if I had been able to just dive in head first like she wanted but.. I just wasn't like that. I had never had a girlfriend before, and I was nervous enough around her as it was. Why couldn't she just be patient with me? I knew she had feelings for me too. Why was it so easy for her to suppress them for Jake?

"Kinda." I sighed. He nodded, staying quiet for a moment.

"Am I ever gonna get to hear it?" He asked, motioning back down towards my notebook.

"We'll see." I laughed. He nodded, finally going back into the main area of the bus.

I wondered how our friendship would be now that Jess and Jake.. seemed to be getting more serious again. But this is what always happened with them. If I knew anything, I just had to wait it out.. again.

I know I told her I would always be there for her, but every day got harder and harder. Every time I saw her I was brought back to that night in the snow. It felt like a movie, like it was finally my turn to have the real thing, and it was yanked right out from underneath me. That had been the closest I had ever been to ever telling someone I lov- .. how much I cared about her.

I knew Jake was never scared to take what he wanted, and maybe that's why in the end, he'd always be the one who won. Maybe if I could muster up.. just a few minutes of courage..

I kept scribbling in my notebook until finally it felt finished. I read it over what felt like a million times, and each time I felt more and more stupid. This is everything I've wanted to say to her but.. I didn't want to ruin anything. But what if all it took was me finally making that jump first?

Now.. when to show her? If.. ever.

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