"I have nothing to wear." I sighed, lying back down on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. Josh giggled to himself, lying down next to me.

"You can wear whatever you want, you don't have to go crazy. You'll look beautiful in anything." I felt my cheeks burn as I peeked over, smiling back at him.

"I just want to look nice." I sighed.

"Well, we can quick go out and get you something if you want." I shook my head.

"We're not gonna go out on Christmas Eve, I'll just have to.. work with what I have." He leaned over, gently kissing my cheek.

"Whatever you wear, you'll look great. Don't worry." He said softly.

I got back up and went over, digging through my clothes again, emptying out my bag on the bed.

"Here.." He said, sitting up, grabbing my clothes. "We can wash these." I laughed, shaking my head, pulling them back.

"You're not doing my laundry, Josh." He smirked back at me, his cheeks burning.

"I'm just trying to help." He said softly.

"I know, and.. thank you. But.. I'll figure it out, it's okay. You go get ready. I don't want to hold you up. I'll figure something out." He hesitated, but eventually nodded, getting up.

"Okay.. I'll come back once I'm done. We'll go together." He said, flashing me a smile. He reached out, gently touching my cheek. I felt my heart beat faster, biting down on my lip.

"Okay." I sighed, smiling back. "Thank you." He leaned in, gently kissing my lips before heading back into his house.

After I heard the bus door close, I sighed, plopping back down on the bed. I did have an idea of what I could wear, but I really hadn't thought about it since that night. Leaning over, I reached into the drawer of my end table and pulled out the black dress Jake had gotten me that night at the hotel. I had never felt more beautiful than I had in that dress, but maybe it was just because it was from him.

I wished I was going with him. I'm sure he was going to look so handsome tonight. I felt my heart start to beat faster. Maybe if I wore the dress he got me, that would get his attention...

I quickly got changed, slipping on the dress and twirling around in the mirror. It really was beautiful, but I had forgotten I couldn't reach the zipper on my own. Hopefully Josh would be back soon. I cleaned up as best as I could, brushing my hair out, and pinning back one side to dress it up as much as possible.

I finally heard a knock at the door. I quickly went over to open it.

"Oh, good, I need your help with-"

"Hey.." Sam said, now looking me up and down. My cheeks burned, a smile escaping my lips.

"Oh.. it's you." I said. He was wearing a white button down with a maroon suit jacket and pants to match. "You.. you look.. great." I managed, now feeling flustered. He shoved his hands into his pockets, his cheeks turning bright red.

"Oh, this old thing?" He giggled, spinning around. "Just something I threw on."

"I'm sure.." I said, unable to take my eyes off him. He noticed, leaning in close in the doorway, smiling back at me with dazed eyes. I quickly snapped out of it, turning around.

"Oh, um.. could you help me?" I asked, motioning towards the zipper. "I can't reach it."

"Sure." He said, reaching down. My heart started to race as I felt his fingers gently glide up my spine.

"T-thanks." I said softly, turning back to him, my cheeks burning. He smirked back.

"You look.. amazing." He sighed, holding his stare on me, moving closer.

"Thank you." I said, leaning in. His cheeks got redder, his eyes moving down to my lips.

"Jess, can we.. talk about last night?" He asked quietly. I nodded.

"Yeah." I sighed, gently reaching up and grabbing onto his jacket. His smile grew.

"W-what did you want to happen between u-"

"Jess?" I heard from behind us as the bus door opened. I sighed, quickly moving away from Sam. He stared back, his face dropping as Josh made his way over.

"Hey, what are you doing in here?" He asked plainly.

"Jess just uh.. needed help and I was right outside, so.." Sam shrugged. Josh nodded, looking back at me, his eyes moving down to my dress.

"You look incredible." He said, gently kissing my cheek. "See, I told you, nothing to worry about." I saw Sam glare at Josh before backing away.

"I'll.. I'll see you guys at the party." He said softly, looking back at me before going down the steps. My stomach dropped.

I wasn't sure what was happening with Sam, I just knew I didn't want him to leave. The last thing I wanted to do was make everything even more complicated than it already was but.. I couldn't help how I was starting to feel. He was the closest thing to comfort I had felt in a long time, and.. maybe he felt something too? I knew we were friends but.. maybe there was a chance he felt.. more? At least last night, it felt like.. something was about to happen. I quickly shook the thought. I didn't want to complicate what good thing I already had with him.

Josh nodded, waving him off as he turned back to me.

"You ready to go?" He asked, holding his hand out. I bit down on my lip, forcing a smile and nodded as I slipped my hand into his.

As we pulled up to the venue, I felt a knot form in the pit of my stomach again. Josh and I had followed Sam, Danny, and Jake, who took their own car. My heart jumped as I saw Jake get out of the passenger seat. He was in a dark green suit jacket with a maroon undershirt, his hair blowing messily into his face. I couldn't take my eyes off of him as he then reached back, tying it into a loose bun and quickly made his way inside, shoving his hands into his pockets.

Josh parked the car, making his way around to my side, opening my door for me. He held out his hand.

"Ready?" He asked, flashing me a smile. I nodded, taking his hand, and following him closely inside. As we walked through the doors, we were hit with the overwhelming smell of pine trees and cinnamon. Looking around, the entire ballroom was surrounded by real Christmas trees, the entire building completely decorated from top to bottom. The music was loud and we were instantly handed drinks from the waiters that made their way around the room.

"Champagne?" One asked, leaning his tray in front of me.

"Absolutely." I sighed, grabbing a glass, taking a big sip. I heard Josh giggle next to me.

"You'll be fine." He said, leaning in closer. "You can just stay with me all night." I bit down on my lip, nodding as I panned the room.

"Come on, we're all sitting over here!" Ronnie called out, making her way over to us. She pulled me into a tight hug, beaming from ear to ear.

"I'm so glad you came!" She said, taking me by the hand. "Don't worry, Josh. I got her." Josh shot me a look, as if asking if I was okay. I nodded, giving him a subtle smile as he let go of my hand.

"We're all gonna be at this table." She said, guiding me to one of the tables towards the back of the room. "I'm sitting here, but you can save the seat next to you for Josh, if you want."

"O-oh, okay." I said, placing my bag down on the chair. "And who's-"

"Sam will be next to Josh, and Danny next to to Sam, and then Jake next to me." She said cheerily. "I'm just glad to have another girl at my table. I'm always alone." She laughed, taking a sip of her drink.

My stomach dropped. The one thing that was going to be between Jake and I all night was Ronnie. I had hoped to at least been across the room from him.

"Unless.." She said, smirking at me. "Do you wanna sit here?" She asked, motioning towards her chair. I quickly shook my head, staring back wide-eyed.

"Oh, no I'm fine here." I said. She nodded, her smile growing.

"Okay.. you just let me know." She said softly. I wondered how much she knew about everything. By the sound of it, it seemed like.. a lot.

It was going to be a long night.

By then, Josh had made his way over to our table, sitting down next to me. He reached over, gently placing his hand on my leg, pulling my chair closer to him.

"You're so pretty." He whispered into my ear. "I'm so lucky to be here with you." I bit down on my lip, holding in my smile as I turned to him. His smile grew as he reached out, gently tucking my hair behind my ear.

"You're sweet." I said softly. His cheeks burned as he looked over, his face now dropping. I turned to see what he was looking at only to see the rest of the guys making their way over to our table. I held my stare on Jake as Ronnie called him over, motioning towards the chair next to her. My heart started beating faster and faster the closer he got, eventually looking up, and meeting my eyes. He stared back for a moment before quickly looking away, smiling back at Ronnie and pulling her into a hug. My heart dropped. Barely even a look. Maybe.. he had moved on already.

I don't know if I could handle an entire night of feeling like this.

The waiters started coming around faster and faster, or so it felt, as the empty glasses started piling up at the end of our table. The more the room started to spin, the harder it got to pretend like Jake wasn't there. Every so often I caught myself staring, and I knew Josh did too with the amount of times he tried to pull my attention back to him.

Sam and Danny eventually made their way outside, and Ronnie joined the rest of her family on the dance floor, leaving our table with just the three of us. It felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest. I wanted nothing more than to just go over and finally be with him, but I already knew I was too late. He barely even looked at me.

If only he knew that he was the only one I thought about. He was the one I wanted, but it didn't matter. Maybe he just told me to be with Josh to make it easier on the both of us, but he was the one that was really done. I felt my chest get tight as tears started to fill my eyes. What I wouldn't give just to talk to him one more time.

I hated being so close to him but feeling so far away.

"Hey.." Josh said softly, gently touching my leg. I snapped out of it, quickly blinking away the tears in my eyes before turning to him. He moved his hand into mine, now standing up.

"Come dance with me." He said, motioning towards the dance floor. I peeked over at Jake who then picked his head up, staring back at me. My heart dropped. All I needed was a sign, something, anything to tell me to come over and be with him. He bit down on his lip, and looked away again. I sighed, looking back up at Josh, forcing a smile, trying my best not to let the tears come to my eyes again.

"Okay."

As we pulled up to the venue, I just couldn't help but feel like something was missing. I had been looking forward to this night all year.. but with Jess.

"Hey, try and have some fun tonight." Danny said, reaching up, grabbing my shoulder. "It's Christmas Eve, don't let anyone ruin your good time." I sighed, nodding, looking out the rearview mirror.

"They're behind us." I said quietly. Danny turned around to look.

"Just.. pretend they're not even here. I'm sure that's what Josh is doing." He laughed to himself. I felt my face get hot. I'm sure that was exactly what Josh was doing. I still couldn't believe that he was here with her. I hated myself every day for telling her to go. All I wanted was to be with her, and I practically chased her away. Maybe Sam was right. Maybe I was just as terrified of the real thing as she was, but maybe that's what made us perfect for each other. We could work through this together.

But I doubt we would ever get another chance to try.

As I got out of the car, I tied up my hair to get it out of my face, shoving my hands into my pockets and quickly made my way inside before Josh and Jess could get out of their car. I was hoping to avoid them for as long as possible.

Danny peeked back, smirking at me.

"Bar?" He asked. Sam and I nodded.

"Bar." We agreed, quickly searching it out.

The three of us avoided the main ballroom as long as we could before it was time to sit for dinner. Looking around, I saw Ronnie waving us down from her table, and then my heart dropped when I saw Jess, sitting down next to her.

She was wearing the dress I had bought for her.

It was almost like, just for a moment, time had stood still when she turned to look at me, giving me a small smile. I felt like my entire body was on fire, and quickly looked away from her as I made my way over to Ronnie. She flashed me a smile, pulling me into a hug.

"Please don't make it weird." She whispered into my ear. I sighed, shooting her a wide-eyed look as I backed away.

I knew the only way I was going to survive the night was if I drank.

A lot.

It wasn't long before Sam went outside to smoke, Danny of course following behind him, leaving me alone with the both of.. them. I finally brought myself to peek back over at Jess to see her already staring back at me, her eyes sad and bloodshot. I could tell she had been drinking a lot too. How much I missed the feeling of us being drunk together, her unable to keep her hands off me. I bit down on my lip, containing my smile. I held my stare on her, feeling my heart start to race.

It was taking everything in me not to go over and sweep her away her right now.

Then Josh leaned in close to her, whispering in her ear, and held out his hand. She quickly peeked back over at me, eventually nodding, and getting up, following him out to the dance floor. She wrapped her arms around his neck, smiling back at him with dazed eyes, slowly swaying back and forth.

She looked.. so happy. And this is exactly what I wanted, wasn't it? The chance to find out if.. maybe he was the one for her, and by the looks of it..he was. As much as I hated it, I was happy that I was at least able to give her that, no matter how much it killed me to have to sit here and watch.

And then she looked over at me, catching me staring again, but I couldn't bring myself to look away. If this was the only moment I was going to have with her tonight, then I was going to appreciate every second of it. She bit down on her lip, her eyes sad, slowly filling with tears. My heart dropped as I felt tears come to my eyes too.

Despite everything, in that moment it felt like we were the only two people in the room.

The longer she stared back at me, the more upset she looked. I felt like I was going to be sick. As selfish as it was, I just knew that she wasn't supposed to be out there with him. She was supposed to be with me.

"I miss you." I finally mouthed to her, feeling my chest get tight. She then slowly stopped dancing, staring back at me wide-eyed. I bit down on my lip, eagerly staring back at her. Hoping, maybe, she would come over to me, and maybe tell me how.. she missed me too. But then the tears began to fall as she pulled away from Josh, and quickly ran out of the ballroom.