As we made our way off the bus, Josh reached for my hand. I gently pulled away, peeking back up at him.

"I.. I think it's better if we.. don't.. yet." I whispered, biting down on my lip. He stared back at me, his face dropping.

"O-oh, yeah.. sure.. yeah, you're right." He said

"Just because-"

"No, I get it, yeah." He sighed, forcing a smile. "It's okay. And.. we don't even have to hang out that long tonight if you don't want to. We have the Christmas party tomorrow so, we can see everyone there again too."

I felt my heart pounding in my chest as we got closer to the door. As we walked up the front steps, Sam turned back to me, gently touching my hand and giving me a subtle smile. I felt my cheeks burn.

"It's okay." He mouthed. I nodded, feeling a smile escape my lips. I felt a little bit better.

When the front door opened, we were greeted by their mom, who didn't hesitate to pull them into a tight hug. First Jake, then Danny, then Sam, and finally Josh.

"We're so glad you could come." She said to me, hugging me tight.

"Oh.. of course. T-thank you for having me." I managed.

"Of course honey." She said sweetly, moving aside to let me in.

Looking around, I didn't think their home could get any cozier, but I was wrong. The entire house was covered, head to toe in Christmas decorations. It was so homey and beautiful. I was glad I decided to come. As much as I loved the city, I loved this hometown feel.

Maybe just because it was theirs.

"You can bring your stuff into my room if you want.." Josh said softly, leaning in close. I nodded, following him down the hall towards his bedroom. I looked up at the walls, filled with their old baby photos. I couldn't help but smile. They were all so adorable.

And then my stomach dropped as I got to Jake's room. He was standing inside, already unpacking one of his bags. He looked up at me and my heart started to race. I held my stare on him as he bit down on his lip, flashing me a small smile. I quickly looked away and made my way down the hall to Josh's room.

"You can stay in here, if you want." Josh said, unpacking his bag. "I.. I don't have to stay in here with you if.. if you're not comfortable with that, I can stay out in the living room if you'd rather-"

"It's okay." I said softly. "I.. I don't mind the room on the bus."

"You don't have to stay on the bus. Wouldn't you rather a real bed?" He giggled to himself. I shrugged. I really didn't mind the bed in the backroom. And maybe it would be better for me to have my own space away from everyone.

"I'll.. I'll think about it." I said, sitting down on the edge of his bed. "But.. I think it might be better for me to stay on the bus." He held his stare on me, his face dropping.

"Okay.." He nodded, looking away. "Whatever you want to do."

I could tell that wasn't what he wanted to hear.

"So.. what's going on tonight?" I asked, looking around his room. It was pretty clean for the most part. His book shelves filled and organized, his desk cleared, all of his clothes neatly put away, his bed perfectly made. He looked back at me, shrugging.

"Nothing crazy. They all assumed we'd be tired our first night back so.. probably just dinner, maybe hang out with everyone for a little bit, and then head to bed." I nodded, looking around again. He noticed.

"Whatcha looking at?" He asked, smirking, sitting down close next to me. I smiled back, turning to him.

"It's just interesting." I said softly. I got up, going over to the bookshelf, looking through all of his books.

"Have you read all of these?" I asked, peeking back at him. He smiled, nodding back at me.

"Mhm.."

"I should've figured the writer was also a reader." I giggled to myself. "Have you.. ever thought about writing one?" I asked, moving over to his desk. I saw him start to get fidgety as I got closer.

"Maybe one day." He said, keeping a close eye on me. I couldn't help but smile.

"What's got you all worked up?" I laughed. His cheeks burned as his smile grew.

"Nothing." He said simply, but I could tell he was lying. I finally reached out, grabbing one of the books from his desk when he jumped up, making his way over.

"What's this?" I asked. "And why don't you want me to see it?" He flashed me a toothy smile, his cheeks burning red as he reached out for it.

"It's nothing." He laughed nervously. I pulled away, going over to the other side of the room. He quickly followed.

"Josh, it's clearly something. Why don't you want me to see?"

"Jess, just give it back." He laughed, reaching over for it again.

"What is it?" I asked again, now opening it. His eyes got wide as he quickly reached up to grab it, gently pulling me closer.

"It's my journal, just give it!"

"Well, that's not fair you read my journal!" I laughed, trying to get away. He grabbed my waist, pulling me towards him. I couldn't help but laugh as he tickled me with his tight grip. He eventually pulled me onto his bed, lying over me as he reached for the journal again, finally grabbing it.

"Hey!" I yelled, trying to get away. He shook his head, flashing me a smile as he tossed his journal back onto his desk.

"Don't worry about that." He giggled, now gently pushing the hair out of my face. He stared back at me, his eyes now in a daze.

"You know, you are.. so beautiful." He sighed, gently running his fingers down my cheek. I felt my heart start to beat faster as I stared back up at him, my cheeks burning. I reached up, running my fingers through his hair.

"Really?" I asked, my smile growing. He smirked back at me, his face getting redder.

"Really." He sighed, leaning in gently kissing my lips. My heart began beating faster as I held his face in my hands, pulling him in closer. I felt him smile as he moved his hands to my waist, gently moving them up my shirt.

I was then instantly brought back to that night in Jake's room, how he held me, how he kissed me. I began to feel lightheaded as I pushed his hands away, moving back. He stared down at me, wide-eyed, his face dropping.

"Jess, I'm.. I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"No, I.. it's not you, I'm sorry, I just.. I can't." I said, moving out from under him, getting up off the bed.

"Jess, I'm sorry. We.. we can go slow, I swear, I just thought-"

"I just.. I need a minute." I said, leaving his room and making my way down the hallway. This was all starting to feel like too much. How could I ever be with him, in any way if I was always going to be reminded of Jake?

When I got outside, I saw Sam standing out by the bus, smoking a cigarette, staring up at the sky. I couldn't help but smile, already starting to calm down again.

"What are you looking at?" I laughed. He turned to face me, smiling back.

"You can see so many more stars out here. I always miss it when we're on the road." He said, holding his stare on me. I bit down on my lip, holding in my smile. He smirked back at me.

"What?" He asked, his smile growing. I felt my heart start to beat faster.

"Nothing." I sighed, looking down at my feet.

"So what are you doing out here?" He asked, taking a drag, looking back up at the sky.

"I just.. I needed some air." I said plainly, going over, leaning up against the bus. He nodded, blowing his smoke out the other way. He took one more drag before putting it out.

"So.. do you want your gift now?" He asked, smiling back at me. I felt my cheeks burn.

"Sam, you really didn't have to get me anything." I said quietly. He shrugged, getting closer, now leaning his hand up against the bus, looking back down at me.

"Yes I did." He said softly. "So, do you want it or not?" I bit down on my lip, nodding.

"Alright, come on. We'll go on the bus. It's freezing out here." He laughed, taking my hand, leading us back up the stairs. I looked down at our hands, feeling my whole body get hot. I quickly tried to shake the thought as he brought me through the main area, back towards his bunk. He smirked, motioning up. I hopped up, sliding over to make room for him.

"Okay, what is it?" I laughed, leaning back against the wall. He climbed up, sitting close to me. My heart started beating faster as he gently leaned his leg against mine.

"Alright, alright.." He sighed, peeking up at me. He went into his pocket, pulling out a small black box, tied with a little bow. "So.. remember when you asked me to help you write that song?" I nodded, feeling my cheeks burn again. His smile grew.

"Alright so.. for someone who had never really done that before.. you were pretty good. And honestly, I'd hate to see it go to waste.." He said, handing me the gift. I peeked up at him. He nodded, motioning back towards the box. I quickly pulled open the ribbon, tearing off the paper. When I opened it, I saw a handful of picks, all with Sam's name printed on them.

"Your picks?" I asked. He nodded, his smile growing.

"Okay.." He started, giggling to himself. "I want to take you to pick out your own guitar.. or bass, whichever you'd prefer. But, it's.. kind of a personal experience, so I didn't want to rob you of that. So.. whenever you'd like to go.. and now you have some of my picks to get you started."

I stared up at him, wide-eyed. This was way bigger than anything I had expected from him.

"Sam, this is crazy." I laughed, looking back over at him. He was already staring back at me with dazed eyes and a subtle smile across his lips. He shrugged.

"I figured.. if you wanted.. I could help you some more. And you having your own would make it that much easier."

"I'd.. I'd love that." I said softly, holding my stare on him. "Thank you, Sam."

"Of course." He said, his eyes moving from mine down to my lips. My heart started beating faster as I slowly started leaning in. He stared back at me wide-eyed as he moved in closer, reaching up to touch my cheek. I felt my face burn where his fingers lingered, gently pulling me closer. He was inches from my face when we heard the door to the bus open.

"Sam! Come on! We need you inside!" Danny called out. He jumped, quickly pulling his hand away, backing up. I bit down on my lip, feeling my heart race as he stared back at me.

"W-we should head back in." He finally said. I nodded, avoiding his eyes.

"Yeah.." I said softly, hopping down from his bunk. "I.. I'll um.. I'll see you inside." I said, quickly making my way to the door, hopping down the steps as fast as my feet would take me.

I had never thought of Sam like that before, and now even the slightest touch was driving me crazy. What had come over me? I knew I had to get out of there before something happened, but now I would be spending the rest of the night wondering what could've.