Jake stared up at me wide-eyed as I came back into the room, slamming the door behind me.

"I.. I didn't expect it to go like that." He said softly.

"That makes two of us." I sighed, plopping down on the bed, turning away from him.

I quickly wiped my eyes, hoping he hadn't seen. This wasn't fair. I didn't want to lose Josh completely, but I was willing to do so if it meant being with Jake. If he really felt like he was dodging a bullet, then so be it. We wouldn't even be friends. It would basically be like we didn't exist to each other anymore.

And I was fine with it now.

"Are you okay?" Jake asked. I could hear the concern in his voice, but I didn't want him to worry anymore. He was right. This wasn't fair to him at all, and he had given me way more chances than I deserved. I crawled over, maneuvering myself into his arms, wrapping mine around him.

"I'm okay." I sighed, hiding my face in his chest. I felt his hand gently move up and down my back.

"I'm sorry that I-"

"No, you were right. It's okay." He bit down on his lip, nodding.

"I just.. I don't want you to resent me because of it." He said quietly, peeking down at me. I pulled him closer.

"I won't. And he's right, he deserves someone who picks him too. And.. that isn't me." I felt him nod.

"So.. we got a call from the label and they said the video should be done in the next couple days." He said quietly. I peeked up at him. He looked less than thrilled.

"You don't seem happy about that." I said. He shrugged.

"I just know what it means." He said, rubbing my back again.

"Well, it doesn't have to mean anything anymore." I said plainly, leaning up, gently kissing his neck. I heard him giggle as he pulled me closer.

"Yeah, to all of us, but.. to everyone else."

I knew what he meant. It wasn't going to look good, him and I being together after how the video is bound to look. I knew James had been filming me and Josh the entire time we were together. I could only imagine how that could be pieced together to look.

At least no one would be able to hear anything.

"I don't care what anyone else thinks.. if you don't." I said, looking up at him. He gave me a subtle smile, leaning in, gently kissing me on the lips.

"That's all that matters." He sighed.

The last thing I wanted was attention for all of this. I didn't even want people to know Jake and I were together, but now everything was going to change.

"You know.." He said, his voice trailing off. He ran his fingers down my arm, gently taking my hand. "I.. I know we haven't really.. talked about stuff like this but.. I think considering.." He said, tapping on the ring. I smirked up at him.

"Yeah?" I asked, feeling my cheeks burn.

"Well, I was just wondering.. what you were planning on doing.. for the holidays. We have a small break for Christmas and New Year's.." He said, avoiding my eyes. I felt my cheeks burn.

"What are you asking, Jake?" I laughed, propping my head up to face him. He smirked back at me, his cheeks getting red.

"I'm asking.. you to come back home.. with me." He said, biting down on his lip. He stared back at me, his eyes hopeful. "I.. want to be with you on Christmas.. and New Year's.. and every day in-between." He giggled. "And.. my mom was asking about you, if you were gonna come, my family loves you and.. I just really want you there." He shrugged.

"Well, not your whole family." I laughed, rolling my eyes. He smirked, shaking his head.

"Yeah, well.. I was thinking about this before that happened."

"And.. you don't think it would be.. uncomfortable?" I asked. He shook his head.

"That was his choice." He said plainly. My cheeks burned.

I wouldn't exactly say it was his choice. I couldn't imagine having to be around Jake if he was in love with someone else either. I might not be happy with how Josh handled it but.. I understood.

"I'll think about it." I said, smiling back at him. He nodded. "And.. not because of him, but because I've never spent the holidays away from home before."

"You can invite your dad too, of course, if that would make you feel better."

"Well, would you consider coming home with me?" I asked. He bit down on his lip, his cheeks burning red.

"Well.." He started. "It's just.. you know.. we don't get to be home that often and I just-" He stopped, staring back at me for a moment and eventually sighed.

"If you really wanted me to, I would." He said softly. I reached over, pulling him into a kiss.

"It's okay. That's all I needed to hear." I said, smiling back at him. He smirked, shaking his head.

"So you will?" He asked eagerly.

"I'll think about it." I said. He nodded, flashing me a huge grin. He was so cute when he got excited.

"Besides.." I added. "I could only imagine how beautiful everything is during Christmas at your house." He nodded as he turned to me, his smile growing.

"It is." He sighed. "It's.. my favorite time of the year so.. it's extra special."

"Me too." I said softly, pulling him in closer.

"Even more of a reason why we should be together." He teased, gently kissing up my neck, pulling me in.

"Alright, maybe." I laughed, feeling my heart beat faster. "But you know.. you don't have to get me anything." He backed away, rolling his eyes.

"Don't be ridiculous." He sighed. "Of course I'm going to get you something."

"Jake, I mean it. You don't have to. Just.. being with you would be enough." He smile grew as he shook his head.

"How do you know I haven't gotten you your gift already?" He giggled to himself, looking away.

"Jake.." He flashed me a toothy grin. "What did you do?"

"I guess you'll find out if you come back home with me."

I hopped down from my bunk, going into the kitchen area where I saw Sam and Danny sitting at the table, staring up at me.

"You heard.." I said, avoiding their eyes.

"Yeah, I think the whole bus heard." Danny laughed. "What happened?"

I shook my head, making myself a cup of coffee. I really didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to talk about her at all. After everything.. just for it to all end like that.

"I think it's for the best, Josh." Sam said, looking over. "You can't get over her if.. you're always with her."

"Well, she's still gonna be here." I snapped, feeling my cheeks burn. I honestly didn't know what was worse. Getting to be with her without being with her, or us not existing to each other at all. I already missed her, but I quickly shook the thought, sitting down at the table next to Danny.

"So then what are you gonna do now?" Sam asked. I shrugged, looking out the window.

"I don't know." I sighed. "It's bad enough I'm gonna have to see them together all the time, but now she hates me."

"Well, you didn't have to yell at her like that." Danny said. "It.. kinda sounded to me like she.. didn't want it to go down like that." I shot him a look, feeling my cheeks burn.

"I know, but it just happened. I saw the ring and I just-"

"Ring?" Sam chimed in. "What ring? Wait.. are they-"

"No." I said. "I thought they were. But.. she said Jake got her a promise ring. And when she's ready.. then it'll be an engagement ring." I saw Sam and Danny quickly shoot each other a look, and then looked back at me.

"Josh, I hate to say it but-"

"I know." I sighed. And Sam was right. I did deserve someone who wanted me. It wasn't fair to always be chasing someone who always put me second, no matter how much I cared about her.

"Maybe you should try dating." Danny said, shrugging. "Everyone knows you have plenty of options out here." He laughed. Sam joined in, playfully shoving me.

"Or who even said anything about dating. Just have some fun. I don't understand why Jake was so quick to get so serious with her but.. we're out, we're on tour, we shouldn't be worried about that. We should be enjoying ourselves." I nodded, keeping my eyes down.

I knew what Sam was trying to do, but that was never something I was into. And anytime I did I was either hurt or upset and just.. needed a distraction from what was really going on.

"You've done it before, what's the problem?" Sam asked. I felt my cheeks burn. The last time I invited anyone onto the bus, I had stormed off after that fight with Jess and she had to come after me. I couldn't help but wonder if it was because she was jealous. If it had worked once...

I shook the thought.

"I just.. I don't know. I'm not into it." I sighed. Sam rolled his eyes.

"Alright, it's still fresh, I get it, but we're gonna find someone for you too." He said, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

Deep down I hoped he was right, but it was getting hard to believe there was another someone out there for me.