I sat back against his pillows, watching him at the counter. This was the right thing to do, and I knew it. It wasn't fair being with either of them until I knew how I felt. And he seemed to be taking it okay, but I knew he was never great with showing how he really felt, not when it came to things like this. That was one thing that bothered me, I never felt like I really knew how he was feeling.

I guess that would be something else we'd have to work on together.

He came back over, handing me the cup of coffee, sitting down across from me. He took a sip, keeping his eyes locked on me.

"You can't look at me like that anymore." I said softly, taking a sip. He smirked, licking his lips.

"Like what?" He giggled to himself. His cheeks got redder. I smiled, looking down.

"Like that." I said.

"Sorry." He said simply, holding his same stare. I felt my heart start to beat faster. He knew the perfect way to never take no for an answer, and I hated it.

"So what else do we have to talk about?" I asked. He shrugged.

"How about.. how long do we have to pretend like you're not gonna end up with me?" My cheeks burned.

"Jake.." He giggled to himself, taking another sip.

"We can pretend all you want.." He said, his voice trailing off.

"What makes you so sure?" I asked, smirking back at him.

"Because.." He said, putting his coffee down. He leaned in close, reaching for my neck. I felt my heart start to race. He gently reached under my collar, pulling his necklace out from under my shirt. "You've never taken it off." I stared back at him, my heart beating even faster.

He was right. Despite everything, I had never taken off his necklace. And I probably never would.

"I told you I would never take it off." I sighed, giving him a small smile. His cheeks got redder as his smile grew. He held his stare, his eyes moving down to my lips.

"Stop it." I said, smirking at him.

"I'm not doing anything.." He said, holding his gaze.

"You know what you're doing.." I whispered. He bit down on his lip, moving away, sitting back up against the wall on the opposite side of the bunk.

"Better?" He asked with a smile. I nodded, taking another sip.

"So.. you're really gonna stay back there alone tonight?" I nodded again.

"I've slept alone before, I'll be okay." I said simply. He shrugged.

"If you say so.." He said playfully.

"Speaking of.." I said, getting up from his bunk. He quickly sat forward, moving closer to me, reaching his hand out.

"Wait, where are you going?" He asked, his eyes hopeful. I smiled down at him, moving just out of reach.

"I told you.." I laughed. "I'm sleeping alone tonight." His smile grew as he shook his head.

"Come on, you and I both know it's inevitable.. so why waste a night alone when we can just be together." He whined, flashing me a big grin. I felt my cheeks burn as I backed further away. He was.. so cute.

Any longer and I probably would have given in.

"Goodnight, Jake." I said softly, going into the back room, shutting the door behind me. I heard him sigh and plop back down into his bunk. I quickly changed and crawled into the bed. Reaching under my pillow, I grabbed Jake's sweater, pulling it over my head.

It still smelt like him.

It wasn't long until the rest of the guys got back to the bus. Sam and Danny clearly drunk, Josh hesitating in the doorway, giving me a look. He wondered if I knew. And boy, did I. I glared back and his cheeks got redder.

"Getting some sleep before Brooklyn tomorrow?" Sam yelled out. He had one arm wrapped around Danny for support.

"I guess you can say that." I said simply.

"Where's Jess? She come and find you? She was looking for you. What's going on with you two?"

"Well, she broke up with me." I said bluntly. They all stopped and turned to me, staring wide-eyed. Josh especially. I could see him looking hopeful.

Just wait until he found out how this effected him too.

"Oh. Wow. I'm.. I'm sorry." Sam said, sitting down next to me. I bit down on my lip, subtly nodding, avoiding eye contact. I knew if we kept talking about it, I would eventually break.

And I would much rather save that for when everyone fell asleep.

"It's fine." I said. "She said she needs time alone to figure out what she wants." I flashed Josh a look, to which he quickly looked away, climbing up onto his bunk.

"Damn, I.. I really thought you guys were.. it."

"Yeah, well.." I sighed, shrugging. Sam nodded, hopefully getting the hint.

"Well I'm sorry. Come here." He drunkenly leaned over, giving me a one-armed hug.

I leaned in, playing along. Though I secretly appreciated the gesture. I think anything more genuine would've sent me right over the edge.

"I'm.. I'm gonna go to sleep though." I finally said, sliding back into my bunk. I pulled my shirt over my head, tossing it down towards my feet and quickly pulled the curtain shut. Turning over, I stared out the window, tightly clutching one of my pillows to my chest until I knew the rest of the guys were asleep. The last thing I wanted was for any of them (or Jess) to hear me crying.

It was like a hole had been ripped through my chest. I felt sick and angry and alone. I hid my face in my pillow hoping to muffle as much of the heavy breaths as I could. No matter what, it just wouldn't stop. It felt like hours had passed as my eyes began to burn and my pillow became soaked from the tears. My head was pounding and all I wanted to do was sleep, but I just couldn't.

Why was it so easy for her to just end it? Why was I the one who always felt too much?

Then I heard the door to the back room open. My stomach dropped. I hoped she hadn't heard, but who was I kidding. Despite my best efforts I'm sure everyone had heard. I just hoped they were nice enough to pretend they hadn't in the morning.

"Jake.." I heard from outside the bunk. I sighed, rubbing my face as best as I could before turning over. I'm hoping it was dark enough where no one could tell how bloodshot my eyes were. I slowly opened the curtain to see Jess standing there, staring down at me, her eyes sad.

My heart sank.

"Move over." She whispered. I didn't hesitate, sliding over towards the window as she climbed in, moving closer to me. She wrapped her arm across my stomach and laid her head on my chest, letting out a loud sigh. I moved one arm under her head, and wrapped the other arm around her, pulling her up against me.