Carmen:

Marry me?

Marry me?

Marry me?

"Carmen." Nicole's voice broke through my train of thought. I rubbed my eyes, sitting up from her couch and drawing my knees together.

"Sorry I-I didn't think I was going to sleep like that."

"It's ok. You know it is." She sat on the arm of the couch, rubbing the back of her neck. She swallowed, rubbing her nose and looking at the ground. I knew she was dying to ask about things. About last night.

"Can I use your bathroom?" I burst out.

"Of course babe."

In her bright white bathroom I slid against the wall, feeling the shaggy carpet as I curled my toes and took a deep breath. I wanted to check my phone, but I also wanted to throw it out the window and never think about anything again.

My eyes felt heavy. Nicole's sweatshirt smelled like vanilla as I brought the sleeves over my nose. I thought of the dress I'd worn, the one I'd fallen in love with and Van had liked, now lying in a heap in Nicole's bedroom.

Van.

I felt my throat close up, reliving the way he'd gotten down on one knee. The smile on his face that made my stomach twist and words die up in my throat.

"Carmen?" Nicole's voice rang out right outside the door. "I'm going to grab some breakfast, I'll be right back ok sweetie?"

"S-Sure." I called out, standing up and turning on the bathroom sink, waiting until I heard the door slam until I finally stepped outside the bathroom.

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I sat on the couch until the door opened again and Nicole walked in carrying a huge paperbag. She smiled when she saw me, walking towards the dining table and setting down the bag. "I went to that breakfast place I told you about. They had a french toast donut so I brought some for you and they had a matcha smoothie with kale. It sounds disgusting but I said I was going to try and cleanse. I'll probably throw it out after two sips."

I stood up and walked over to the table to help her take out the food, although I couldn't picture eating right now.

Sitting across from her, she took a drink of the bright green drink and gagged, setting that down. She reached for a donut instead, looking up at me. "This is good." I said, picking apart a tiny piece of the donut and stuffing it inside my mouth.

"Yeah, although you look like you're eating raw fish. I can't just wait around babe, I have to ask, what happened last night? You said you and Van were going out to dinner and then you just show up in the middle of the night, scaring the shit out of Jesse and I. The way you looked and acted made me think the worst had happened to you," I looked down at the donut, "Carmen, what happened?"

"He proposed to me."

Nicole knocked over the green smoothie when she stood up, "Shit! Ohmygod, babe, that's fantastic!" Her smile slowly disappeared. "Isn't it?"

"What happened after was not."

"What happened?" I crossed my arms, slumping over the table. "That bad?" Nicole stood over me, placing her hands on my shoulders.

"He took it back."

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Van:

I jerked awake, running an arm against the empty side of the bed. I pushed my face against the pillow, listening to the sounds of the guys outside. They didn't know anything. The minute I walked out the questions would start.

I sat up, seeing my suit in a pile on the ground, the damn bowtie thrown over it. And the little black box.

"Vanny boy. The groom! The fucking groom! Where's the Mrs. in the making? Still asleep?" Bondy looked at me from over his mug, a big dumb goofy smile over his face.

"She's not asleep. She's....I don't know."

"What do you mean? What happened?"

"I don't. Everything went to shit alright? Like it always does." I leaned over the counter, putting my hand in my face. "I can't fucking say something right anymore. Everything I say comes off wrong."

"Did she...say no?"

"No of course not."

"Then what happened?" Bob stood next to me in the counter.

"I said no."

"Mate, what the hell?"

"I-I don't know how it happened. What the hell happened. Everything was going great, fantastic. Everything was coming out like it was supposed to be. She saw the ring and she-she fucking loved it. I fucking love her."

"Well then what the fuck did you say?"

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The night before:

Carmen:

".....marry me maybe?"

I always laughed at the exaggerated responses towards proposals. But now experiencing the proposal and actually knowing what this meant and watching Van's earnest face while he squeezed the box in one hand, I know I was making that face and probably tearing up already.

"I-I yes!" Van laughed and stood up, pulling me off the ground into a massive hug that left us stumbling onto the sand.

"Ok, put it on then." He grabbed the ring and grabbed my hand, kissing the tip of my ring finger before moving to slide the ring on.

I looked at the ring in the moonlight, waving my fingers slowly. "It's beautiful." Van grabbed my face and pressed his lips against mine. Out of breath, I squeezed my hands against his face, a million thoughts racing through my mind. "Ohmygod we're getting married. We are getting married. This is happening. Should we do it next year? This year?"

"I-uh-what?" Van laughed, looking at me.

"Like the date and all that. Bridesmaids, a dress, food, and figuring out the place."

"You want to get married, like, soon?"

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Van:

She laughed. "Well yeah, I mean, why wouldn't I? Unless you don't want to?"

I licked my lips. She took my silence too serious, her smile dropping. I noticed and quickly tried to compose myself. "No, it's not like that"-

"Well then why did you propose?"

"Because I saw a couple today and well"-

"You figured you'd just jump on the bandwagon right?"

"Carmen, I just figured you'd want to wait."

"Do you want to wait?"

"The ring was just like a gesture of"-

"A gesture? This isn't just a gesture, it's more than that Van."

I tried to laugh to ease the tension, "Babe don't take it like that."

"I just find it funny how you figure you'll ask me to marry you but then figure it's not going to happen."

"Not that it's not going to happen, just not soon."

"Not soon." She nodded, her jaw hard.

"Well then maybe I shouldn't have proposed, if you were going to get like that." I spoke sharply, irritated. "Christ I can't believe I thought I could do something right. But it's not good enough for you now is it? Never is, never will be." Realization of what I'd said struck me quickly. Christ. "Wait, Carmen"-

"Well then here, have it back." She took the ring off and shoved it into my hand, turning away.

"You're so defensive! Fine walk away, like always!" I yelled after her. "Never wanting to stick around Carmen, always turning away when things don't go completely your way! I can never say anything with you!"

"Fuck you Van!" She turned to look at me, her eyes blazing. "I'm tired of you never doing what you mean. You're all words, no actions. Ever since we first met, even now. I'm supposed to let you kiss your way out of things? Talk your way out of things, duck out of things because you've always been the good guy right? And I haven't been so you get to be right and I don't. I'm sick of it!" She turned began walking away. The bottom of my pants got wet but I didn't feel shit as I watched her walk away.

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Currently:

Carmen:

Nicole brought her hands together, breathing deeply. "Boys are dumb. It's a fact of life. From what I've heard, he got mad and said dumb things. But then he tried to justify it with more dumb things. Key word here, dumb. Van was being dumb, but he loves you Carmen. And I'm sure he probably feels terrible and shitty and is lowkey crying right now because he loves you."

"I just, I feel like we brought up points about our past. At least I did. When I said that thing about being the bad guy and Van being the good guy, I have felt it. And maybe it wasn't anger that made me lash out at him, but guilt."

"Talk to me babe, what do you mean?"

I looked at the plate in front of me. "From the Zach thing to the pregnancy, I feel like I've been the bad guy. Van always came out as the good guy, because he was. And I was the one who broke up with him and had all this bad....stigma. And when he proposed and then suddenly wanted to backtrack on the idea, I figured it was him thinking things through and deciding maybe it wasn't the best idea to have proposed in the first place."

"Babe what are you talking about? You weren't being bad, that's just life. Did you maybe make some decisions you regret now? Sure, but we all do. But Van literally went through all that meticulous planning, even wearing a suit, and he got down on one knee and he promised you guys would marry. Not a lot of guys even think about that stuff now, but he does because he doesn't want to lose you. An you have to stop bringing yourself down because of the past, aren't you the one that said you weren't going to do that anymore?"

"I know." I put my chin on one hand.

"Stop over analyzing everything and just go back to him. As if you guys could even stand to be apart for so long."

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Van:

"You fucking wanker." Bondy thumped me across the head.

"Alright christ, ow."

"Wait, so, like married, right now? Wait, so I proposed but I didn't think of the idea that a marriage would actually happen?" Benji mimicked me in a deep dumb sounding voice.

"Alright alright I get it."

"Wait Carmen, I don't want to make you mad, but I'm only giving you the engagement ring because you're a class girl, but let's not get married ok?" Benji rolled his eyes, sitting down across from me.

"You make me sound like an arse."

"Well if the shoe fits." Bondy scratched his head. "I'm just toying with you Van. But I mean come off it, imagine if Carmen had said what you'd said. You'd be mad upset too."

"She did say 'fuck you' to me. I think that's only ever happened twice in our relationship." I stared down at the cup of tea in front of me, scratching my neck. "But I just didn't think she'd take me seriously and say let's get married next year."

A collective groan went around the kitchen as the guys all crossed their arms.

"Do you want to bloody marry her or not? Christ."

"Well yeah."

"And if someone said marry her tomorrow would you do it?"

"Well, yeah."

"Well then fucking stop making it sound like you wouldn't. No wonder Carmen just about wanted to do you in."

"I didn't mean to make her angry."

"Could've fooled us."

"But you guys don't think she's like, going to break up with me right?"

"Kinda hoping she will so you see what you being an arse can do to you."

"Benji." Bondy said. "Of course she wouldn't dump you, I think. She loves you, you love her, blah blah blah. But she's mad upset, as any respectable girl would be. And if she said 'fuck you' then maybe it was in her right mind to do so. Because being proposed to and then have it taken back can only do so much to a person, in my opinion."

"I can't believe I did that."

"I can't believe you did that either. You really do stumble when you're with her, but you really ought to think things through like that when you're with her."

"Always intend for the best, and never come close." I took a drink from the cup. "She's probably with Nicole right now, where else could she be?"

"So what, you're just going to show up, say hey sorry about that, and try and give her the ring back again? Or no ring?"

"Of course ring, of course proposal." I stood up, grabbing my keys.

"Wait now?"

"When else?"

"Can we come?"

"Are you lads serious? Fine hurry up."

"You're only letting us come because you're scared and want backup."

"Shut the hell up."

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Carmen:

"Keep those jeans. They look better on you than they ever did on me." Nicole scratched her cheek, stepping back to look at me and turning back around. "I have the perfect sweatshirt too."

"Nicole, I'll just wear the dress from last night, it's no big deal." I slid off the jeans and threw on the dress, playing with one of the straps.

There was a loud knock at the door. "I'll get it." Nicole disappeared into the hall and I heard the door open before a burst of whispers sounded. I didn't really have to guess who it was.

"Hey." Van spoke up first when he saw me. He was still wearing his suit, the bowtie a little crumpled. He had all the guys behind him too, as if he needed backup.

"We'll be outside." Nicole stepped outside and shoved Van in, closing the door.

I crossed my arms, looking at Van, before finally taking a deep breath. "We're so dumb."

"I'm so dumb. You're just a little tiny bit. Like five percent. I'm kidding. I-I suck at jokes sometimes when I'm around you." He stepped forward. "I didn't mean any part of what I said to sound the way it did. I do know what the engagement ring and proposal means, and I do want to do this. The bit about you being defensive"-

"Is true. It's true, and I'm not going to wait for you to apologize about it because I know I am defensive."

"Just like I know I try and talk my way out of things. I just never realized anyone would notice until I met you. And maybe I am bit more talk than actions, but with you I want to do everything I say. So let's go, I'm up for anything. Drive down to Vegas and get married by an Elvis impersonator. I don't care if it's today or tomorrow. I meant what I said last night, you're my best friend and I just want to spend the rest of my life with you." He took out the box and got down on one knee, "So if you're still up for it, forgive me and make me the happiest I've ever been?"

"Yes yes yes, a million times yes." I let him slide the ring on and felt his arms wrap around me. "Good thing we're wearing the same thing as yesterday because if this dress had had a bad connotation I would've killed you." I laughed.

"Thanks." He pressed his forehead against mine and then sighed. "Guess we should open the door for them to come in then?"

"Yes, we can't just kick Nicole out of her apartment." I smiled as Nicole and the guys came rushing back in.

"So from the smiles I can tell that there will be an engagement?" Bondy asked cautiously.

"Yes there will be."

"This calls for drinks and brunch and- CHRIST. Someone hacked my fucking twitter." Bondy started scrolling on his phone quickly.

"Oh good, that's two things to celebrate now." Van wrapped his arm around me.

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Two weeks later:

Van:

"New York we love you! Have a good one!" I wiped the sweat from my forehead and gave the crowd one last salute. The crowd roared, and I could barely make out the faces of each person from the sweat in my eyes.

I was the last one to go behind the curtain, letting the guitar go to Larry and aching for water.

"Hey." She was waiting for me further on, holding two water bottles. "You did fantastic."

"Thank you." I crushed her against me.

"You're so sweaty. So so sweaty. Here have some water before you dehydrate." She stepped back and handed me the first bottle.

"I'm so amped up, wanna go for a run?"

"You're kidding," She laughed. "I figured you were gonna ask if I wanted to go for a drink."

"Drinks are even better. But first, let's head down to the dressing room so I can change no?"

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Carmen:

Van lead me by the hand to the room we'd hung out in earlier, where him and the guys had played eighties music and halfheartedly played Mario Kart.

"I wonder if...no yeah most definitely." He thought out loud once we'd been inside.

"What?"

"If previous musicians who played here shagged in here."

"That's- why do you always think about that?"

"I only think about that when you're with me. So in part it's your fault too." He unbuttoned his shirt and reached for the one draped over the chair. "Don't act like you don't like it."

"You keep talking like that and my wedding dress won't be white anymore."

"The only white thing I want to see on you is my cu"-

"STOP." I yelled. "You literally just played one amazing show in front of thousands and all you can think about is sex?"

"Of course I wasn't thinking about that then, but now here with you....It's a given to do so." He wrapped his arms around me, pressing his lips against mine. I dug my fingers into his hair, laughing lightly as his lips grazed my neck and his hands went to my jeans.

"We getting drinks or what?" Bondy's voice grew even louder before he threw the door open. "Oh, sorry about that."

"Bondy the cockblock. Not surprising at all." Benji came strolling in, grabbing the open can of Monster he'd left on the table. "But really lads, drinks? Dani wants to meet."

"You met her like two months ago and she already has you whipped?" Bondy stretched out. "How unsurprising."

"Before you two go at it we should get some alcohol into your system, it'll be way more entertaining." Van checked his phone with one arm wrapped around me. "Larry's waiting for us outside the venue however, says there's a crowd waiting outside."

"Don't you lads ever want to just disappear? I love meeting all the fans don't get me wrong, but sometimes I just want to get back to my hotel room and sleep. And by sleep I mean drink and watch a movie."

"You guys take like three hours to go meet your fans, how come?" I asked, remembering the last show I'd been to. I'd waited and they'd taken two hours before finally emerging. Even I wondered if I could wait that long to meet an artist I liked.

"Probably because we're subconsciously assholes. I mean we help tech and all that. Dunno what Larry's doing outside already, that Jim guy's always after him to help out." Bondy stretched.

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Van:

Carmen huddled against me when we walked out. She fought back a yawn and stepped away, walking the opposite direction we were going. "I'll meet you back at the hotel."

"Not alone."

"There's some people walking back, I'll get a taxi."

"Carmen"-