~~~~~

What Rafael told me before he drove off really made my mind go crazy. Is he in the right mind tonight to give me such dramatic words or he is just playing to me because he still need my help?

I get inside the apartment, absent mindedly. My head is spinning on what should I think of what Rafael said.

You're mine and mine only.

Those are not the words that your ex husband should tell you. Especially that we just ended two weeks ago. But what has gotten into him? It really shocks that he told me that.

Don't make this hard for me, Rafael. I've been hurt too much and I don't want to feel that again. I hope he understands me this time and think of what others might feel. Like what I feel.

I already let him be with Marissa but why is he still coming back to me?

He still needs me? Does his Dad found out that we are not together anymore and decided to give the company to Roberto.

I unlock our room and turn the lights on to see our dirty room. Clothes are scattered on the ground, our closer doors open, our bed covers are not in my place as well as the pillows and left over foods on the table.

I sigh as I grab another cigarette inside my bag and brought out a lighter to light it up. I stick it between my lips and open the window so the smoke won't smell in the room.

I took off my clothes and put on a green shirt and pink cotton shorts. I stood next to the window as I watch random cars drive on the highway as I continue to puff some smoke.

I don't remember what time Catalina's shift will end so I am gonna sleep first but of course I have to finish this one.

I wanna see Mom and Gabby.

But I can't face them looking miserable like this.

I can't.

What should I do? Ran away like I did before. That is not a bad idea though. I should go to a place without people knowing me. I will start a new life.

But running away are for people who are cowards.

Am I gonna be a coward again?

No, I don't think so. Face everything ahead of you, do not ran away for everything will only gets worse.

Great, now I don't know what I should do with my life now.

Oh Rafael. You turn my world upside down. I don't know what I should do to you.

I have been thinking too much and I didn't noticed that already finished my stick. I dipped it on the ashtray before I go to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face clean. After that, I combed my hair and tied it in a high messy bun before I hopped on my bed and cover myself with the blanket.

Well, I shall call this a day. God, please I don't want to see Rafael tomorrow.

~~•••~~

The next morning, I woke up and I saw Catalina is lying on her bed, butt naked. I'm not surprised, this woman sleeps naked and she doesn't care if there are other people in the room as long as she keeps without clothes on.

I stood up from the bed to go to the bathroom to do some morning routine after that, head over to the kitchen, to ready some cup of coffee. Okay, lots of milk and cubes of sugar, just the way Rafael likes it.

Wait, what?

I just remembered Rafael.

No, Belle. Ignore and don't think of that man if you want to move on. Jeez, stop thinking about him and start a new life.

But how am I gonna start this new life I want if Rafael keeps on haunting me.

Okay, time to make some breakfast. I search through our little refrigerator. I grab some eggs, bacon, and some sausages. I went to buy some stocks of foods the other day, I feel like I'm not used of not having a proper breakfast.

Its kinda part of my morning routine already.

"Smells good." I suddenly jump hearing Catalina coming into our dirty kitchen. She sat on the chair, leaning her elbows on the dining table. "You know, you are making me fat"

"Hm, why?"

"Because you don't want to miss a single breakfast every morning. And when you made one, it is not just an ordinary breakfast but a really grand breakfast. " she spoke then yawned unladylike while rubbing her bird nest hair. "Look at these, we're fine with only coffee before but now you even added eggs, bacon and sausage. That's a lot of carbs, Amiga"

I chuckled as I finishes cooking the foods that I prepared before I transfer them to a plate then served them on the table "Bon Appetit"

"I must say, being a wife for a year helps you a lot" she stated with a grin, as we eat our meal. "You've become more...human"

"What?"

"Before, you didn't care of your life. As long as you earn some money you will do it. Even if you starve yourself, or look like an idiot in front of many." She told me, noticing those flaws I had before. "You've gain responsibility."

I sigh and think for a moment. "Well, being a wife did change my life, I have someone to take care, someone to cook for and someone to be with. My life style changed"

"And that's why you want to have that life back again, am I right?"

My eyebrows touched at her question. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that...you don't deserve this hard life anymore, Belle. Don't you want to live like a queen forever?"

"I can't go back there, Catalina. I'm only a pretend wife. A paid wife to be exact."

"But Rafael loves you and you love him back"

"No, you're wrong." I cut in then smiled bitterly "Rafael doesn't love me. Only I loves him. Its a one sided love, Catalina. I can't push myself in his life because I know I don't have a space in his heart. He's too blinded with his revenge and forgot to look at me...to see the people who loves him and care for him"

"And you're just gonna let that happen?"

"I did everything I can already" I sigh.

"If you did everything you can, then why are you still here?" She raised an eyebrow at me. "If you did everything you can then you should be with Rafael right now and making out in your heart's content."

"Tsk, it's easy to be said than be done, my friend."

"Well yeah, that could be right." She shrugged her shoulders "You know, I like Rafael. He had this billionaire cold attitude that are fantasies of all women but too bad he doesn't have the balls."

I almost spit out the coffee I was drinking "Balls? What do you mean?" teasing her a bit.

"Not literally, Belle. You know what I mean. He's a coward, that's what I mean" she narrowed her eyes at me. "Jeez, that's why you're still a virgin. You don't understand dirty jokes like that"

I just laughed at her. Thats why I love Catalina. I love her strong and positive vibe. She always help me with everything she can. I always love her choice of words and courage that makes me want to copy from her.

"Well, it's my choice." I murmured, shrugging my shoulders.

"God, you're 21...no wait...you're about to turn 22 in a few days. We should have a grand celebration!" She clapped her hands like a child "Oh wait...male strippers! My treat!" Whoa, she looks more excited than I am.

Oh God, I almost forgot about it. I remember Gabby once reminded that. I almost forgot. Well, this is not the fist time.

I don't like celebrating my birthday. I don't know the reason why but it's kinda not my thing.

But in my situation right now, I don't think it's a good time to celebrate it.

"You know...I don't know if you want to me get married or you just want me out of this apartment." I laughed.

Catalina laughed back as she finished her hot coffee "My dear, I just want you to be happy unlike me. I killed the man I married because he is gonna kill me. I don't want you to end up shit like me."

"Well, sometimes it is better to think that us girls doesn't need a man to be happy. We can rule ourselves better" I smiled cheerily then we both ended chuckling at each other.

Love is what I need.

I know people always say that don't give up to the person you love. But is it always have to be me to save this? Rafael needs to know it himself how beautiful life is without having hatred in his heart. He needs to wake up and I am here to help him. But for now, I need to rest. He needs to figure out how to man up himself.

Jeez, I hope I won't regret my decision of leaving. Is this correct?