❝We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.❞ —Mother Teresa

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"Hello?"

"Well--"

"That's a weird store policy."

"Well, I've never felt so confident in my veganism as I do now."

"Fine. IT WAS SO GOOD. I mean, if you want honesty in its finest form, Fine-Apple Guy, I feel renewed. Personally revolutionized. Like my entire existence has been transformed. I feel like a new man."

"Oh right, your name's actually Tinkerbell, isn't it?"

"Yeah, good thing I'm on an iPhone."

"I take it you aren't."

"The way you said that implies it's not completely accurate at all."

"Well... you won't tell me your real name, you apparently have a history with my girlfriend, and third, you're just a plain weirdo. Forgive me if I've been trying to uh... validate your existence."

"Name's Kale, bro."

"That's because your voice sounds like an inebriated surfer."

"I can't even tell if that's legitimate gratitude or just sarcasm. It wasn't even supposed to be a compliment."

"... Um... you're a weirdo, Nicholas. I don't know what else to say."

"Whatever."

"It's Kale."

"Kale isn't even a fruit, man."

"... Believe it or not, I'm not a fruit either. That might be a tough one to swallow. Literally."

"Yeah, also remember how you were going to tell your side of the story first? I'm ready anytime you want to start."

"That's like you asking 'do you really want to order fruit from me again?' --Yes, but the more time you spend yakking about doing it the less interested I become. Satisfied?"

"So, get on with it then."

"..."

"... Yes?"

"Then why are you doing it?"

"Yeah, you really should. If this were a book, I'd be so mad at the author for dragging out your obnoxious evasiveness and filling it with your weirdness."

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a/n: if you appreciate that little fourth-wall breaking I did to roast myself a little bit for how long I've been unnecessarily dragging out the writing of this story, then yay!!!! if not, well sorry. i thought it would be a decent kale attempt at savagery. you really gotta let the guy live sometimes.

so here's the deal: i'm going to try to finish this book before the anniversary of its first publishing, which is september 12. it might be difficult, but i think you guys deserve it. what do you say?

love and fresh mangoes,

tina