This person is greysexual and wants to come out to their parents.

Hey!

Coming out to family and close ones is always the hardest thing of all. If they aren’t against LGBT+, then a great way to make them understand greysexuality would be to watch good representations of greysexuality in TV shows, movies, books, or other sources of entertainment that your parents prefer. You can casually slip it into conversations and help them understand that people like that exist. Now if you’re slipping it every now and then, be sure to observe their tones and attitude towards the topic. If they’re being hostile, back out and simply drop the topic. Pursuing it endlessly and being persistent in pressing your sexuality on them would lead to a negative outcome. If their behavior is normal and open, take your time and slip it into a conversation once every three weeks maybe without being too obvious. You can be obvious without ever stating it into words: ‘I am greysexual,’ you can state it through actions and behavior too.

Now here’s the tricky part about coming out: while some parents do accept the idea of LGBT+, there are some that do not want their children to be a part of it. They believe in their rights but don’t want their children to ‘stray away’. Now even if you’re parents are showing a decent attitude during your first few slip of conversations about greysexuality/any LGBT+ topic, there is a chance that they’d disapprove of you being a part of it. Please keep this in mind and take it slow, don’t rush your coming out. Don’t feel like you’re deceiving them, let them get used to it in their own time slowly and then come out after a while. Diving straight up into it within a month or two could end up being a little dangerous considering you’re not sure if they would understand it.

Try to think of why you want to come out to them. Is it that important to come out to them? By when do you want to come out to them? Answering these and other similar questions can lead you to draw a timeline that you can follow and take your time slowly to make them get used to your sexuality and its conversations. Greysexuality obviously isn’t like being gay, lesbian, bisexual, or pansexual, it’s not a straight-up definition. It’s an umbrella term that can often confuse parents or other people unfamiliar with LGBT+. When trying to slip the topic into the conversations, use other people’s examples and say things like: ‘Oh did you know this famous actor recently came out as greysexual? It was quite (pleasantly) surprising, they’ve acted in such-and-such movies and they’re so cool and pretty.’ Portraying your sexuality in a positive light could help them understand it more.

Now my only advice for you is to take your time. Don’t rush it, ever. No matter how much you think they’re okay with LGBT+, parents have the responsibility of being your guardian and would always want the best for you. Their definition of ‘best for my child’ might differ from your definition of ‘best for me’ but do try to understand their position as well. No rushing, take your time and get them used to it. For all you know, it could take 3 months, a year, or more. You’ve been struggling for years and have found people that can accept you, that is already a great achievement. A little while more and you can get your parents used to the such environment too. Please take care and stay safe. Reach out again any time.

Thank you,

The Advice Column Team