This person wants to get over their ex.

Hey!

That sounds like a harsh situation to be a part of. It’s never easy to get over breakups, no matter how long you’ve been with someone or how much you loved them. It’s never about the quantity of love and months. However, when you’re getting over a breakup, the quantity of time comes into play and all you can do is wait until your feelings ease for them.

It sounds like you didn’t break up with your ex on good terms. Regardless, your family should be a priority here and since they disrespected your family, that was very wrong of them. It makes sense to say that you are still in love with them, it hasn’t been long since you’ve broken up. Especially since it takes people years to get over a breakup. So, I suggest you take your time to heal.

Nevertheless, I want you to focus on your current partner more. It’s very unfair of you to be in a relationship with a person if you don’t share mutual romantic feelings for them. This is treating them unfairly and lying to them. Using another person as a rebound and wanting to use them to get over your previous romantic feelings is also selfish. You’re not only hurting yourself but also another innocent person. I want you to clarify your goals with your current romantic relationship. Check with yourself if you’re in any position to have a new relationship and if you actually feel good enough about your current partner to be in a relationship. Have more healthy conversations with yourself and with them.

And in all honesty, the only key to getting over a breakup is to place distance between yourselves until your feelings hurt a little less than before. Then it will eventually die down. Don’t compare your first relationship feelings with the next one. You will always feel differently for different people. Whether it’s one last text or one last call, I suggest you don’t do that because it’ll only make you want to linger and ponder upon your feelings for your ex more. The aim is to create distance, spend more time with family and friends, and do things you enjoy. Clarify things with yourself before talking about them to your family and current partner.

Please take care and stay safe. Don’t hesitate to reach out again!

Thank you,

The Advice Column Team