Advice Request

This person has stopped being friends with a girl who they dislike.

Answered Submission

Hello,

In life, there will be people who you just really don't like. You may not have a good reason to dislike them, but the one thing you know is that they rub you the wrong way. That's okay! We don't have to get along with everybody, and we can't be expected to, but it is a good thing to be polite and respectful either way. It sounds like this friend of yours is one of those people.

Now, having ended the friendship, she's begun to cause other problems for you with your peers. That is a frustrating position to be in, for sure. So, what can you do about it? Unfortunately, there isn't any one path that will get you the peace you want. She is spreading private issues and now misinformation about you around your classmates, and they seem to have majorly taken her side. By ignoring it, your best-case scenario is to hope that it all blows over and people forget about it, but in the meantime, you'll have to deal with whatever she says about you. If you confront her, it is likely that she'll start talking about that as well, continuing the cycle of information spreading and pity-mongering. And like you said, it is no one else's business but you and her what happened between you two, so you shouldn't have to clarify what really happened to the rest of your peers.

So, let's take a bit of a patchwork approach. For the most part, ignore what people are saying. You're right, it is none of their business. They don't need to know any more than what you are willing to disclose. But if people start attacking you, you are free to defend yourself. You do not have to stand by and let people speak ill of you to your face. Defend yourself calmly and diplomatically, and then end the conversation there. It might even be good to mention that you haven't said anything to or about her since you stopped talking to her. All of their information is coming from her, so if you were trying to "separate her from class" why is she the one doing all the talking?

As for your old friend herself, don't even bother with her. Like I said, confronting her is only going to give her more fuel to make your life difficult, and it sounds to me like she doesn't see anything wrong with her actions. There's no point in engaging with a person who can't see that they're wrong. Instead, talk to your friends and family who know and care about you. Confide in them what is going on and how you're feeling. Let your support system be a support system! Truthfully, I do think this will blow over eventually and people will forget sooner or later. It's new and fresh and interesting, so people are going to gravitate to the drama, but once something new comes up or the drama becomes stale, everyone will move on. Our attention is fickle. Please stay strong until then.

I hope this helps, love. Message us again anytime for more advice!

Best,

The Advice Column Team