《The Advice Column V》831

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This person's friend keeps getting jealous when they spend time with other friends without him present.

Hello,

So your friend is jealous that you spend your time with other friends without him present? And because of this, he has chosen to respond by threatening to cut you out of his life. It is fairly common for people to be jealous of the time other people get to spend with their mutual friends. When you like being around someone, it can feel frustrating to see them spending time with someone other than you. This is typically a feeling that occurs in new or relatively new relationships, or really just whenever a relationship is fragile. You've just recently started talking with Doop again, so it is in a fragile place given the youth of your friendship, and from what you've written, it sounds like he has a lot of insecurities that also add to the strain in this regard. So while we can and should try and understand Doop's position and his motives for acting the way he has been towards you, that does not make his behavior appropriate nor should you disregard it.

You are allowed to have other friends. In order to maintain healthy relationships with those other friends, you need to be able to spend time with them one-on-one. Doop does not have to be present for every game you and Moop play. That doesn't mean you don't care about him. It simply means that sometimes you two want to play together just the two of you just like how I'm sure he likes to hang out with you or other friends just the two of them as well. And even if he doesn't like to hang out with his friends individually, and this is not a valid logic here, that does not mean you have to subscribe to the same system to be friends with him. Whether he likes it or not, he is not entitled to all of your time and attention. I don't think it's rude to express that to him. He needs to understand that he is your friend. You are not responsible for his emotional well-being beyond the support and care that you offer as his friend. You are not obligated to tend to his every emotional need and change all your plans to accommodate him. He needs to understand that the way he has been acting towards you is unacceptable and inappropriate in comparison to the issue at hand. He is allowed to feel the way he does, but he needs to learn how to handle it accordingly and not let it get in the way of his friendships.

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I would suggest finding a way to soften your words without sugarcoating though if that makes sense. Don't make light of it or act like it's not a big deal, but tell him how you feel in a calm way. You can tell him that you understand how he's been feeling, but that you are allowed to spend time with your other friends, and he doesn't always have to be present for you two to be friends. You like playing with Moop one-on-one, and it doesn't mean that you don't like him anymore. Those are two separate things. Be sure to talk about him threatening to leave as well, tell him how it makes you feel when he does that.

Honestly, dear, if he keeps doing that even after you talk to him about it then I would suggest against chasing him. If he wants to act like a child every time he doesn't get his way then let him face the consequences of his actions. That doesn't mean you should be cold to him or cut him out completely if you don't want to, but maybe don't try to get him back yourself. Let him come back and apologize if he wants to be your friend.

I hope this helps, love!

Best,

The Advice Column Team

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