This person's friend has lied to them about moving away.

Hey!

I'm sure this must be a difficult situation for you to be in, especially when you're upset about her lying, but also want to help her with her struggles. Now, first and foremost, her struggles have nothing to do with you. You wanting to help is your own choice and that's a good choice as a friend of course, but please don't feel guilty about someone else’s depression or struggles.

Now, the only way you can get out of this situation is to approach her about it. Whether it hurts her or not is something that she will decide. You can't decide and judge her emotions for her beforehand. Start off by telling her about your not liking the fact that your messages are being shown to others. Tell her to change her password if she argues with the ‘XX person has my password’ logic. Tell her you don't appreciate your privacy being violated and your private messages displayed publicly and that you want to keep your conversations between the two of you.

Next, you can try visiting her at home if that's a possible option for you. Ask her and say that you want to visit her. Or ask her for her address and say you want to send her a small gift. Do send her a cheer-up message and/or a small gift if that's possible too.

If these options aren't possible for you, try approaching her about the house issue in some other manner. Let her know that you don't like her lying and tell her that she doesn't have to fake anything in front of you. Say it to her straight-up because then she’ll understand that she doesn't have to lie to you. That she can trust you and rely on you whenever she wants. Don't just say such things though, make her feel that you're trustworthy. Perhaps she has to put up this lying front because she feels insecure and unsafe in front of you. Try showing her that you're not a judgmental person. Show her that everyone is equal, and everyone has insecurities. You can also do this by telling her one of your insecurities and gradually letting her open up to you.

There is no other method to approach this situation without talking to her about it. It'll only feel worse if you go roundabout in this situation. So ask her directly and don't be aggressive; be patient and understanding. I hope everything goes well for you both and you both can trust and cherish each other well. Please take care of yourselves.

Thank you,

The Advice Column Team