Advice Request

This person is usually rejected, so they are wondering whether there is something wrong with them or not.

Answered Submission

Hi,

I hope you are doing well. :)

What you're experiencing is something many people experience. After being rejected over and over again, we, as humans, start to think we aren't as good or as worthy as the people around us. This causes us to blame ourselves when no one wants to be with us. Fortunately, that isn't true at all! In fact, just because a certain amount of people have rejected you in the past, it doesn't necessarily mean there's anything wrong with you!

Everyone has different types and interests, and, because of this, we search for people who are similar to us. I'd mainly say this is because we just feel comfortable around people we can relate to. You may think this belief and behavior revolves around friendships only, but it actually applies to all types of relationships too! That's why people usually reject people with a quick, "I'm sorry, but I'm just not into you," or, "I just don't feel like we'd be good together." People say these things because they can predict the future (which, of course, they can predict wrong), and they realize that, if they were to accept you, (I'm generalizing here rather than referring to you specifically) things wouldn't work out between the two of you. Why? Not because they have anything against you, don't like you, or because there's something wrong with you, but rather because they would rather be with someone they can relate to. That way, they ensure that they'll only be with someone they're comfortable with and happy to be around.

This means you need to continue to search for the right person who, not only can you relate to and feel comfortable around, but they can also feel the exact same way. Some people are just more unique than others, so they have a hard time finding the right person; this can apply to you as well. And you know what? There's nothing wrong with that! In fact, one day, after you've found just the right person, I'm sure you'll realize that the wait was worth it! It's important to not give up and keep on searching.

All in all, you just need to keep looking for and wait for the right person to show up in your life. When this person comes, they'll accept you because they feel safe and happy around you and vice versa.

Here's a different perspective on this matter, though:

Rats! I was really rooting for you. But it's okay, just another person that wasn't worth your time. There is nothing wrong with you from what I can tell and I'm sure you're a great guy, but maybe you're just going for the wrong girls? I doubt you're doing anything wrong unless you're not being yourself. I'm not really sure how to avoid the friend zone. I don't think anyone has come up with a remedy unfortunately, but it can't happen forever. Maybe you can try figuring out if you're doing something that may have lead you to being friend-zoned such as acting like an older brother rather than a love interest. This includes name calling, being overly comfortable around her, or play fighting that may be a little on the rough side. I believe it's possible to get out of the friend zone if you play your cards right. Before you go through with anything, though, give it a few weeks for everything to go back to normal. Then, I'd ask her if she's interested in anyone else. If she says no, she might just not be ready for a relationship. But if she says yes, the chances are she's just not that into you. Which is completely OKAY (not just saying that to make you feel better). Another person who's not interested in you is another person who's not right for you. When they shut you down, they're saving your time. So be glad. And don't fret! You have plenty of time to date. The rest of your life actually. So don't rush.

Best Regards,

The Advice Column team