Advice Request

This is person is scared of making friends.

Answered Submission

Hey!

That sounds like a really dangerous and serious situation. My only advice to you would be to not get close with such wrong-minded people. From your request, it is unclear if you’re still studying at this school and are friends with them currently, and if you are, then I suggest having an acquaintance relationship only; A distant relationship where you only meet during class, say a quick ‘hi’ in the hallways and don’t get involved on deeper level. And this should especially be the case since they’re bullies. Please don’t make friends with bullies. That’s not the type of person anyone would want to be. Please do your best to stay away from such people and if they bother you, go as quickly as possible to your parents and teachers and don’t be ashamed or embarrassed to complain about it.

Other than that, if you’re debating on how to make new friends after having gone through such bad experiences with friends in the past, I am sure you can find people that share similar interests with you in your school or online perhaps. Try making friends in school clubs or classes of subjects that you like, talk to the students that study more, and ask them questions for help just as an excuse to make some conversation. If you can’t find anyone nice at school, try neighborhood people or online people. Dropping a quick 'hi' online to a random stranger is often easier since they won’t know who you are, and you don’t have to be embarrassed if they don’t reply or ignore.

To get close to someone doesn’t mean you know everything about them, and they know everything about you, and you always hang out with each other. Some friendships will be deeper than your friendship with your close friend who you see all the time. Everyone has a different relationship and personality. All you need to do is find people that encourage you to do better, work hard, that make you laugh and are happy to be around. Friends that make you feel comfortable and safe. That’s enough. Start by smiling at the person you want to befriend. A quick smile, a quick greeting, some random questions and excuses to talk, random compliments. Everyone starts somewhere, I am sure you can too.

You don’t have to necessarily get close to every friend you make. But it would be nice if you could make a close friend in the near future, at least one. But it’s not a necessity and you shouldn’t be quick to open up everything about yourself. Since you’re surrounded by bad people as well, it’ll be hard to know who’s good and who’s not. Even if your next friendship ends with a bad experience, please don’t let it discourage you. You can try again. Every person you meet is different. Every new friend you make will be different. Relationships with people come and go. Hold onto the person if you think they’re a good influence on you, and be a person you'd want to be friends with too!

Good luck! I really hope you get yourself a great friend that makes you feel safe.

Thank you,

The Advice Column Team