This person wants to keep calm in frustrating situations.

Hello again,

I'm sorry to hear you're still having trouble with M. Having a housemate, no matter what the relationship is, who is hostile towards you is not an easy thing to deal with. Dealing with unruly children is especially difficult. So, let's get into this shall we? We are going to go through your request step by step, and handle each issue one at a time.

First, let's discuss M and his behavior. Unfortunately, there's no way to make him like you. There's no good way for you to make him behave. That isn't your job. That's up to his mom and your dad if S wants him to help. They need to start teaching him that actions have consequences because right now, it seems like he doesn't really have any. He does what he wants, and his negative behavior is only reinforced by the lack of action taken by his parents. S and your father need to start seriously talking about consequences and some new rules for M regarding his behavior.

Now, I think it is important to try and understand the potential reasons for his behavior. Sure, a lot of it has to deal with a lack of discipline in his life, but I have a feeling there's more to it than just being a spoiled kid. Imagine being in his place. He's just a kid. It's probably been just him and his mom for a while, and suddenly, he's being forced to move in with his mom's boyfriend and his kids. He's expected to get along and be best friends with some girls he doesn't know, and doesn't want to know. He's having to adjust to a new lifestyle just like you are. He's just much younger and not nearly as emotionally mature. He's feeling all these big person emotions in a little six year old body, and it is really hard for him to understand and process what he's feeling. He's having a hard time, and yes, he's being left to do as he pleases, which isn't helping, but you have to try and understand his perspective as well as your own. They might not be too far off from each other. I suggest trying to talk to him in a friendly way. Ask to play with him or if he can show you his toys or a cool game he plays. Try getting to know him by approaching from something he already likes. Find a common ground where you can interact peacefully. It will take time, and it might not go over as smoothly as you may hope the first few times, but it would be good for the both of you.

Now, how do you stay calm when you're dealing with a rude, frustrating child? A good tip is to monitor your breathing. For one thing, we tend to breathe a little quicker and shallower. Slowing and deepening your breath helps to calm you down and release some of the anger building up. Monitoring your breathing during a frustrating conversation also gives you something else to focus on, so you're not fixating entirely on the aggravating person and/or the anger you're feeling yourself. It's also good to know when to try deescalating the situation and when to evacuate. Sometimes it's better to just step away and let him deal with himself. You don't have to stand being yelled at. If you find yourself getting upset or on the verge of breaking down again, there is nothing wrong with leaving him to handle himself or telling him to leave if he's in your room or space.

Truthfully hun, talking to him is not going to be easy. He doesn't take well to direction or criticism, and he doesn't trust you just yet. You have to gain his trust or at least his attention before you can approach a decent relationship with him. But that won't come easily. It is going to take a lot of patience, and you're going to have to make an effort to get to know him. Take it slow. One step at a time, and eventually he'll come around.

I hope this helps, love. Do your best, and don't hesitate to come back if you need more advice!

Stay strong,

The Advice Column Team