This person has a crush on a friend they want to get over.

Hello,

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: crushes suck, crushes on friends even moreso. It's not an easy thing to deal with, and at times it can become stressful having to keep up with it. Now, you've acknowledged it which is good-- you can't do anything about if if you pretend it doesn't exist—but to move on from a crush you have to do more than just that. You have to accept it as well. Acknowledgment and acceptance are not the same thing, and you need both of them to begin the process.

Moving on, once you've accepted your feelings as they are, you will then be able to start the process of letting them go. It's not an easy thing to do, but it is entirely possible. One important thing is to let yourself grieve. Letting go is a grieving process. You have to allow yourself to feel the things you're feeling. If you shove them down or ignore them, you're only going to stunt your emotional growth and halt the process. Whether you want to or not, you have to feel the feels so you can release them. Think of it like water and a pipe. If you close off the pipe, the water gets trapped inside. Now, if more water is pushed into the pipe, the pressure will build until eventually the water breaches through the blockage. If you open the pipe before that happens, the water can flow through and the pressure will be released. Your emotions are the same way. If you bottle them up and refuse to let yourself feel them, the pressure will build until they all explode out and make a mess. It's much easier to release them slowly and deliberately than it is to clean up the aftermath of an emotional breakdown.

Another good tip is to talk about it with someone you trust. This can be another friend or a family member, or a mentor if you have one. Talking is a method of releasing our emotions in a controlled space (when it is done deliberately). Call up a friend and ask if you can vent to them about your crush. Tell them how you feel, and why you think it's been so difficult to let go of her. Allow yourself to process your thoughts and feelings. This will help take everything into perspective, as well as begin to release the pent up stress and emotion. If need be, talk to the wind if you find trouble speaking to someone about your feelings. The best thing to do for a situation like this is to get your feeling out in the open. Speak them to the world, so you can release them to it. Find a place where you can be alone, and vent.

Writing out your thoughts is another good method. It serves the same purpose as venting with another person, but with the privacy of keeping it to yourself. I recommend perhaps writing it out and then talking about it. That way, you can gather your thoughts and begin to process them, and then continue the process by releasing them verbally to your listener.

I know it's not easy, but I know you can do it so do not allow yourself to be discouraged. Getting over your crush will take time and effort. It is not an overnight thing, but you have the strength and resilience to get through it. I hope this helps, darling. Come back if you find yourself in need of advice or a friendly ear!

Stay strong,

The Advice Column Team