This person feels that they are sabotaging their own relationship and wants to stop doing so.

Answered Submission

Hello,

It seems you've found yourself in a bit of a pickle. It's a difficult problem to deal with, but I am certainly happy that you acknowledge it. You know what they say: the first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one. It sounds cliche, but it's true. The issue won't go away if you avoid and deny it.

Now, the next step is to find the root of the issue. What is the base of this problem? When you scrape away the situation and the top-layer emotions, what's left? Take some time to reflect on your past relationships. Look for any patterns you might be unintentionally following. If you can figure that out, that means you're making progress, and you're one step closer to working through your issue. There's more to this than just "missing the new relationship feeling,” and it's up to you to look for the rest.

Most of the time, with cases like this, it stems from a fear of commitment to some degree. Maybe, unconsciously or at least semi-consciously, you don't want to be tied down. You like the freedom of what a new relationship has to offer. You're learning about the other person, but you're not fully attached to them yet. You can leave whenever you want without causing too much damage on either side. Of course, this is just a theory. In truth, I don't know exactly why you feel the way you do, or why you tend to sabotage your relationships. All I can say is that there is probably some insecurity there that hasn't been properly addressed, and it is going to affect all of your future relationships unless you process and work through it. I wish you all the best, dear. If you have any further questions, or would like a deeper dive into your request, please come back again.

Stay strong,

The Advice Column Team