{Dream}

Y/N, why didn't you answer your phone last night?

Oh, sorry, but I was really tired and put it on DND.

Oh.

[opens phone]

[looks through settings for ten minutes]

How do you put your phone on Dungeons and Dragons mode?

--

You know, sometimes I can't help but feel like you look down on me.

That's because you're seven inches shorter than me.

--

LISTEN UP MOTHERFUCKERS!

not you, Y/N. Baby, you're precious and we're glad you're here

{George}

okay. I'm a pro basketball player. If I don't get this in, you have to kiss me.

 Okay.

*Y/N misses the shot*

oh darn, how unlucky!

--

I was arrested for being too cool.

The charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence.

--

Y/N, we're streaming Man Haunt!!

I can't play right now I'm in the middle of a game of Tetris!

{Sapnap}

do you think when butterflies are in love they feel humans in their stomach?

Nick. darling. honey. love of my life. what the FUCK-

--

if there's going to be a big dramatic scene, wait until I come back.

of course. Can't flip this table by myself

--

Baby, we're hungry!

Y/N! What's for dinner?

We're hungry, Y/N!

*screams*

{Karl}

Did Y/N just tell me they loved me for the first time?

Yeah, they did

And did I just do finger guns back?

Yeah, you did

--

Look, sometimes you just have to fulfill the higher tiers of your pyramid of needs okay

and that's why you're wearing sunglasses in the bathtub eating chicken nuggets out of a wine glass?

see, now you're getting it. could you hand me that box of capri-suns

--

I regret getting you that blender for your birthday.

why?

{Wilbur}

: don't you think you're being a little harsh on Tommy?

 We're his parents, it's our job to keep him off the stripper pole

--

Please tell me I'm imagining that I claimed I was king of the ducks.

I would, but then I would be lying to the King of All Ducks.

--

Do you know the ABCs of first aid?

A. Bone. Coming out of the skin is very bad.

{Fundy}

do you think that when sheep go to sleep they count themselves?

go to sleep, Floris .

--

and that's how she ends up becoming a master assassin! pretty cool, right??

yeah that's great, but I asked where you left the car keys

oh riiight.... that.

--

What time is it?

A quarter 'til 4.

That means nothing to me. I speak English, not math.

{Techno}

sometimes when I'm sad I throw things at Tommy.

why?

it's fun.

--

: Are you mad?

: No.

: So sharpening your knives at 3 in the morning is just a hobby?

--

It's nice to be wanted, you know?

 Not by the law!

{Quackity}

You have to apologize to them, Alex.

Fine! But I must warn you that this might make me a better, nicer person and that is NOT the person you fell in love with!

--

May I take your jacket, sir? Hahahaha.

Do you think other people can't hear you?

--

Hey, babe?

yes?

Do you wanna see a butterfly?

wh-

 *throws butter across the room*

{Schlatt}

Okay, do you know what to do in case of an emergency?

[has no idea what to do in case of an emergency]

Yes.

--

You disgust me.

I realize this and don't care.

--

What happened to your nose?

I used it to break some guy's fist.

{Punz}

: Don't worry, I've got a few knives up my sleeve.

: I think you mean cards.

He did not.

: I did not.

--

Punz, how did you manage to get into this much trouble in one day?

Give me some credit, it didn't even take the entire day.

--

Live fast, die young, and leave behind a pretty corpse. That's what I always say.

You should say something else.

{Niki}

What's wrong with Niki? She's been laying on the ground for the past fifteen minutes.

She's a bit overwhelmed.

Why?

Y/N giggled.

--

Did you buy eggs like I asked?

Even better!

What the fuck did you-

*holding up a chicken* Her name is Fluffy.

--

Don't worry, I have a permit.

...This just says "I can do what I want".

{Tommy}

You, Ranboo, and Tubbo are sitting on a bench

Why do you guys look so sad?

Sit down with us so we can tell you.

*Tommy sits down*

Ranboo: The bench is freshly painted

--

if people use...b...bu...

....buses??

yeah, those

--

Could you be anymore annoying?

Yes.

{Tubbo}

Why do you hang out with me?

You're the best thing that's ever happened to me!

...

Well now I feel a bit sorry for you

--

why is yours 4 pages long??

I have a lot of DIALOGUE

--

I've actually never had a kiwi

you've never had a kiwi??

no. I mean I've had strawberry kiwi caprisuns but that's about it

THATS NOT EVEN REAL KIWI

{Ranboo}

Bet you can't eat 15 crayons!

Bet you I can!

*sips coke, checks to make sure 911 is still on speed dial, and goes back to reading the paper*

--

what are you goals

to pet all the dogs

no, fitness goals

to be able to run fast enough to pet all the dogs

--

did you just blow on that?

no, I just exhaled the bad energy