《Myths & Rejections》Chapter 21 - Conflicted
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Word Count: 4402
Celie
Celie stood in front of the canvas and frowned slightly at what she was seeing, she tilted her head to the side hoping for a better angle when Eden chuckled.
"You don't need to tell me I will never be a successful artist," he said. "But this is my first attempt at painting so I feel that some leniency should be given."
"You could probably be an abstract artist," Celie finally gave in and laughed at Eden's terrible attempt to paint a fish. Last night had been a quiet night, no triton attacks, or sightings so they'd all had a chance to rest. He'd tagged along with Celie when she went to the gallery for the afternoon to give Matt a little more time to rest and recover, and when they had gotten here she'd offered to give him a quick painting lesson to pass the time and stave off his boredom while she got some paperwork done.
"I do not know how one does what you do," Eden said, admiring some of the truly magnificent works of Celie's hanging around the room, she excelled at realism, and impressionist painting, and her photography was simply stunning. "It seems as though you must be able to look at the world through special eyes, that see colors and light differently than others."
"Hmmm," Celie mused. "That's a good way of putting it, you do have to pay special attention to the angles of light and the colors of an image to get it to look right on a canvas or picture. But it is something someone can learn through classes and watching others."
"I doubt that anyone without special talent could learn to be as skilled as you," Eden complimented her, making Celie flush with pleasure at his praise. It was always thrilling to hear her work was appreciated but she was especially pleased that he thought she was talented. She couldn't help but be incredibly attracted to the huge man in front of her, he piqued her interest as no other male had since her rejection.
She was about to thank him when the bell above the door tinkled and drew her attention to the front of the shop, where Adam stood frowning at them. He'd come to the gallery to admire Celie's work and try to spend some alone time with her. Seeing her laughing with the handsome siren did not make him happy, especially considering he knew a mate bond could technically be formed between the two of them if they decided they wanted to be together.
"Hi," Adam said lamely, breaking the awkward silence. "I thought I'd stop by and see if you were busy, I was hoping we could talk."
Eden raised a brow at him, he wasn't sure what was going on between them, but he knew there was history there that made everyone uncomfortable. They'd explained some of werewolf culture to him, and he knew there was a lot of bad blood between Harper, Reese, and Callum, but he didn't know the backstory of Celie and Adam. Adam's interest in Celie was plain to see, and he was clearly unhappy to see Eden spending time with her.
Celie was conflicted looking at Adam's hopeful and disappointed face. Her wolf was pushing her to go to him, to reassure and comfort him, but her mind was not inclined to. She admitted to herself that Eden's arrival had pulled her human side away from thinking of Adam. If Adam were not there, she would have seriously considered pursuing Eden as a partner, now she didn't know what to do.
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"Why don't I take a few moments to explore the neighborhood and pick us up some food?" Eden offered standing up and placing his paintbrush in the cup of water on the easel. He would give her the opportunity to settle her matters with the wolf, even though he was hesitant about the male. He didn't have a good impression of their kind so far, and he didn't want to leave her alone with him for long. "What might be a good option for food in this part of the city?"
Eden could see Celie's conflicted expression and he knew there was unfinished business between them, so he took pity on the two of them and decided to remove himself from the equation for the moment. He was definitely interested in pursuing Celie as a mate, she was beautiful, talented, smart, and funny. He was attracted to her with an intensity that surprised him, it felt almost as if he were being pulled to her. It was also nice that her friend was mated to another siren and she already knew what he was. But he didn't want to get into anything with her until she resolved whatever she had going on with the other male first.
"There are several places down the block in the direction of the waterfront. There's a Jamaican chicken place that has amazing food, if you want to check that out." Celie went behind the desk and pulled out her purse to get money out for Eden to take with him, but he waved her away with a grin. Just because he lived in the ocean at this time didn't mean he had no money of his own. There were always members of siren families who lived on land, and they had no problem sharing their funds with their family when they came onshore.
"It shall be as you wish, I will return shortly with much chicken." Eden told her with a wink as he made his way to the door.
Celie chuckled at his remark as she watched him go.
"So, that guy is your friend?" Adam asked awkwardly.
"Yeah, good friend," Celie answered with a frown. "Problem?"
"No, of course not," Adam answered quickly, he didn't like it, but he had no right to say so. "I just wanted to see you, just...talk a little, I guess. I was hoping you had thought about what I said."
"To be honest, Adam, with everything going on, I haven't exactly had time to sit down and explore the deepest corners of my heart." Celie said, with a little eye roll. "I told you pretty much how I felt before, I'm honestly not inclined to discuss a mate relationship with you at the current time, and I'm not sure I ever will be."
"But Cel," Adam said, desperation on his face. "I'll do anything, I'll wait as long as you need me to, just keep an open mind, just don't completely sever the bond yet."
"Whenever I look at you all I see is that day," Celie said softly, her brows pulled together and her she bit her bottom lip, her chin tensing, preparing to push back the tears that she knew would come if she talked about this. But maybe it was time for them to come out, maybe it was finally time to say to him all the things she'd thought about over the last seven years. "I hear those words repeating over and over in my mind, I think of all the pain. That's what I see, that's what I feel when I look at you, Adam. That day. Just that day."
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Adam let out a heavy breath, pain etched his face.
"I know that, Cel, and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," there were tears in his eyes. "But that's not all there is, we can replace those memories with good ones, we can start again."
"I don't know if we can, Adam." Celie shook her head a bit, tears filling her own eyes. "I don't trust you. I just don't know that you're not the same man who left me begging in the dirt. My wolf wants you, but I don't think I do. I don't think I can get over it. I know I can't ever forget; I know that I will think of it every time I see your face, I'll never be at peace with you."
"Celie, we can work through it, give me a chance to prove myself, that's all I'm asking, just one chance!" Adam begged, he felt no shame in it, he would be the one on his hands and knees in the dirt this time if he had to. "I'm not who you think I am, I know you and Harper thought I was this horrible monster, this abuser who was ok with hurting girls. But I wasn't! I didn't know about that! I swear to you I didn't. I wasn't like them. I wouldn't have been their friend; I wouldn't have worried about being popular and being in their group if I knew they were beating Harper. I never would have been part of that. I'm NOT like them."
"You say that; you sound convincing," Celie said, turning away to wipe the tears from her eyes. "But I don't know if I can believe you. You say a lot of things, you say you didn't mean it. But it's not just about the rejection, it's about you as a person, the person you say you are, versus the person I saw you be. You say you didn't know; you didn't condone Reese and Cullum's actions. But you knew about the rest, you stood there and watched them bully us and abuse us, you didn't say a word, not one word. Maybe you didn't hurt Harper, maybe you didn't know Reese and Callum were beating her, but you did know others were, and you didn't do anything except stand there and laugh at us and walk away. Do you think all that means nothing?"
"No, I know it doesn't mean nothing," Adam said, tears streaming down his cheeks now. "I know how wrong it was Celie, I know I need to atone. I know that I was a weak ass coward who stood by for the stupidest reason possible. But I was a kid too, you know, and I wasn't thinking of the consequences of my actions. I was thinking since I wasn't the one doing it, I was ok. I know now that it wasn't, and I could have done something, and I didn't. I would take all of it back, I would."
"So would anyone who regretted a horrible action, but you can't take it back." Celie said. "You can't erase the past because you want a future where it didn't happen. We have to live with the life we have, we all do. You're asking me to forget and have faith in you, when I have nothing except your words and words don't really mean much of a shit, Adam."
"I know, but I'll show you, I'll prove myself, Cel, I will, you'll see. Just a chance is all I need for you to see!" Adam tried. "Can you really walk away and wonder the rest of your life what it might have been like if you'd given me a chance? Can you live your whole life questioning what it would have been like if you'd had your mate?"
"What makes you think I won't have a mate?" Celie asked him. "I get a second chance Adam. I didn't break the goddess's heart and reject her choice; she's got someone else out there for me. Remember?"
More tears welled in Adam's eyes; he didn't want her remembering that, he didn't want her to give him up for someone better.
"What makes you think that mystery person out there would be better for you than me? Would appreciate the chance as much as I will?" Adam asked. "And how long will it take you to find them? How long will you be alone waiting? I'm here now, Celie, and I love you with all my heart. I just need one chance."
"For the last seven years, I've hated you," Celie said in a low, raspy voice, her jaw slightly clenched, and her eyes intense on his.
Her words caused a small sob to escape Adam and fresh tears to pour from his eyes.
"Celie," Adam said.
"You think it's so simple. You think it's so easy. For you, I guess it is. But not for me." Celie said, slowly shaking her head from side to side, she raised her arms as if in supplication. "Forgive me, forget what I did, it's all sunshine and butterflies and rainbows ahead. What I did doesn't matter because I'm sorry. What I did is not that important because I didn't really mean it. It's over because I'm here now. It's all in the past. I won't make you go back, I won't do it again, I won't do anything else, in my whole life, to hurt you, or remind you, or make you unhappy. It's just so damn easy for you to say all that. And so damn impossible...for me to believe you."
"Just one chance." Adam pleaded.
"Now is not the time for this, Adam," Celie sighed, running a hand over her face. "We've got bigger problems than what's between us, and I'm not ready to consider this. I'm just not ready to even think about it right now, I'm too raw. I'm so angry, I'm still so freakin angry at you. You don't understand, you'll never understand what it was like for me. A rejector, will never be able to understand what it feels like to be the rejected. And I'm outraged, out-fucking-raged that you just think you can show up in my life and I should open my arms and forget. Like it's nothing. Like what I suffered was insignificant. It's easy for you to think that. The one asking forgiveness always thinks it's so damn easy to give, but it's not."
"When will be the time?" Adam asked. "I'll wait."
"I don't know if it will ever be the time. I don't want to string you along, I don't want to give you hope, when I don't know if there even is any." Celie answered.
"There's always hope," Adam said. "There has to be."
The jingling of the door and smell of spicy chicken interrupted their conversation, which Celie was honestly grateful for .
"I'll get going and let you eat," Adam said quickly, wiping at his eyes as he turned away.
"I brought plenty of food," Eden said, gesturing with the large bags in his hands.
"Thanks, but, I've got to run," Adam replied. "I guess I'll see you later at the house."
Eden watched him go as Celie busied herself getting the food out of the bags and laying it out on her countertop.
"Are you alright?" Eden asked, watching her closely as he sat.
"You know, I kinda am," Celie said, looking up at him with serious eyes. "I know you must be wondering, so I'll fill you in, no reason to keep it a secret."
"We werewolves worship the moon goddess, and a long time ago, the moon goddess 'blessed'" Celie air quoted, "us with soul mates. The perfect person, the goddess herself made just for us, someone we're meant to spend our lives with. But she also gave us free will, and a way to break that bond if we don't want it. It's called 'rejection'. It's a formal process, if you meet your mate and you decide you don't want them, for whatever reason, you can reject them and break the mate bond. You say, "I Celine St. James, reject you, whoever, as my mate." And then the person being rejected says, "I whoever, accept your rejection." And the bond is broken. It is one of the most painful things a wolf will ever experience. It hurts like there's a fire in your chest and every time your heart beats it radiates that fire throughout your whole body. The pain lasts too, it can last for years, especially if the person being rejected doesn't accept the rejection."
"Sounds awful." Eden said, frowning.
"It's worse." Celie snorted. "We're told all our lives that our mate will be perfect, and he will love us more than anything in the world, and we will be together and spend our lives loving each other and happy. We're told that every day of our lives, we're told our mates could reject us, but they never really would, and we believe it with all of our hearts because we see it around us every day."
Celie looked down and bit her lips for a second.
"But it doesn't always happen that way." Celie told him. "The reason Harper and I live alone, and away from our pack, and never joined the Everglades pack, is because we were horribly bullied when we were young, Harper was flat out beaten and abused by our pack. Reese was the worst one of them, Reese and Callum and Reese's girlfriend Charla. They did everything they could to make our lives a living hell, especially Harp. They just said mean things to me and called me names, but they hounded Harp day and night. That's why Harper hates them with such a burning passion, that's why she glares at them if they even say a word around her. You want to see true hate? Take a good look at Harper when she looks at Reese. That, my friend, is pure hate."
Eden said nothing, just watched her and waited for her to continue.
"Adam was one of Reese and Callum's good friends, he didn't do all the things Reese and Callum did, but he knew most of what was going on. He knew they were bullying us and he would laugh when they did it, he wasn't as bad as them, but he just stood by while it all happened and said nothing." Celie took a deep breath. "Then our birthday rolled around, and it was the last day of school and we went outside and discovered that Reese was Harper's mate and Adam was mine."
Celie was quiet for a second, just staring down at the table top, the memories flowing through her mind.
"Reese, of course, being the giant piece of shit he is, called Harp names, yelled in her face, and rejected her in front of everyone to humiliate her." Celie said bitterly, but then she smiled. "But you should have seen Harper, she just stood tall and stared his ass down. She didn't even flinch, she just took all the pain with a calm look on her face, then in a strong voice she accepted his rejection, and the pain of it almost knocked him flat on his ass, while she just walked away with her head high."
Eden sighed, but had a small smile, he could see Harper standing tall in the face of pain.
"Then after a few minutes, Adam asked me to go over to the side of the school with him, away from the others. He didn't want anyone to see him talking to me, or know I was his mate because he was ashamed of me." Celie said, she sniffed but held back the tears threatening to gather in her eyes. "I begged him not to do it, I begged him not to. But he just did it anyway, just rejected me like I was nothing. I was on my knees on the ground begging him to stop but he just walked away and left me there like that."
Eden reached out and took her hand.
"Harper was ready. She knew if her mate was in the pack she'd get rejected, she didn't even care, she hated all of them. She already had her bags packed, a train ticket in her hand, and was ready to hit the road to never look back." Celie told him. "I asked her if I could go with her, she was surprised, she never thought I would get rejected by anyone. Of course, she immediately came and got me and brought me with her to Miami, and here we are. That was a little over seven years ago. She studied and became a doctor, and I have my shop and we've been happy."
"So what are they doing here now?" Eden asked.
"They tracked us down, took them all this time, but they did it." Celie shook her head, scowling. "Just showed up out of the blue the other day, now they want to 'make it up to us'."
Eden snorted.
"I know, right? But the real reason they are here is because they found out that the moon goddess doesn't just forgive you for rejecting your mate." Celie told Eden. "Another thing we're told about mates when we're young is that if you get rejected, there's another mate, what they call a 'second chance mate' out there for you, so you can still have a mate and a happy life. But what they don't tell you, or they didn't that I ever heard, is that if you reject your goddess given mate, you don't get a second one. If you throw away the goddess blessing, you don't get another one. Only wolves who have been rejected get second chances. So that's why they are here, because they want their mates back."
"You're kidding." Eden stared at her.
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