Chapter Four

Harrison left the siblings to it, electing to go and refold the bandages rather than talking about James’ feelings.

Little J brought him into her compulsively clean office. Seeing everything in order made him realise how together Little J finally was. She was truly happy. He was so proud of her, and of everything she’d achieved. She really was one in a million.

Little J dragged her chair out from behind her desk and brought it beside the patient’s chair that sat before her desk. James sat down without being told do and slumped his shoulders.

“So,” Little J began. “Love at first sight?” she said, raising her eyebrows. “We obviously can’t be talking about Sarah, thank God,” she giggled.

James just rolled his eyes. “It might not be love,” he clarified. “But it’s strange. I’ve only ever seen her twice but I feel this great need to impress her. I feel like I have to prove myself to her. I want to ask her questions without being too intrusive. She’s so innocent, yet so mature. She had scars, Little J, deep scars.” James threw his head back and groaned. “What is wrong with me?”

“Nothing is wrong with you, James,” Little J assured him. “We can’t help who catches our eye. I think I know that more than anyone,” she said with a sparkle in her blue eyes. “What’s her name?”

“Jacqueline,” James replied, emphasising the French pronunciation. “She’s the French matron at Joseph’s orphanage.”

“Jacqueline,” Little J repeated, over doing the French accent. “Pretty,” she noted.

“She is,” he agreed. “Beautiful, in fact. ‘Pretty’ does not do her justice.”

“Aw,” Little J gushed. “When I first saw Harrison, I found my thoughts drifting to him when I wasn’t aware of it and suddenly I would realise I was thinking about him. It progressed quickly, so much so that I yearned to see him, to hear his voice or to see him smile or to just merely watch –” she rambled before James interrupted her.

“Enough,” James groaned. “I don’t want to hear about your obsession with your professor. It’s bad enough that you carry his spawn,” he said, gesturing to her still flat stomach.

Little J’s jaw dropped. “Spawn?” she repeated, surprised. She wasn’t angry with him, she knew that James did not think her child was evil in any way.

“The thought of Harrison and you … well, you know,” he mumbled. The thought of any of his sisters fornicated made him want to empty his stomach right onto the floor. He still saw Little J as that seventeen year old girl with her nose permanently in a book as she refused to take part to society events. Now that he liked. At least she was a married woman. He was the one bedding unwed women like the rake he was.

Little J let out a light laugh as she nodded. “I understand,” she smirked. “But what I also know is that you have a strong affection for this young lady. You can’t, and I trust you won’t, ignore it. But this is different, and from how you’ve described her, she’s different. I don’t know if you love her or not, it might be too soon to know but I think you might get there if you give her a chance.”

The real problem was Jacqueline giving him a chance. Normally women fell at his feet willingly. He hadn’t managed to get her to smile except for the forced one she’d given him when she’d met him. He didn’t know why he was so infatuated with her – she hadn’t given him anything in return. But perhaps that was why he was so infatuated with her, because she was the first to ever resist his charms.

“She is different,” he agreed. She intrigued him in no way any woman had before. He found himself missing her. And what was crazy was that she hadn’t given him anything to miss. She spoke only a handful of words and showed no emotion. What had she done to him? “Nevertheless,” he continued. “I practically collapsed on her doorstep last night. If anything, she thinks me a drunkard.” He was an imbécile, as he was sure Jacqueline would say if she spoke her mind. He wondered what her true thoughts sounded like. A lovely face like hers had to come with a sparkling personality, he’d just have to convince her to let it out.

“Then you must make it up to her. Do something to show her that you respect her, and that you respect yourself,” Little J suggested.

James furrowed his brow. “Like what?”

“I’m not the one obsessing over her. What do you think she’d appreciate?” she giggled.

He thought hard. She didn’t have much, but she didn’t seem to need it. The only possession she had that seemed to be special to her was her tarnished rosary around her neck. Aside from that, a matron of an orphanage could not be selfish and want material things. She cooked and she cleaned and she cared for the children, what she needed was help. That’s when it hit him. Help. He could pay a salary for a cook or a maid to help her. She’d love the time to herself, wouldn’t she? That was it.

James jumped up from the chair and quickly kissed his sister’s forehead. “You’re a genius,” he said with realisation in his voice.

“Tell me something I don’t know,” she laughed. “Sounds like you have a plan?” she said with a raised brow.

He didn’t answer her. “Must go!” he said cheerily before quickly flitting from the room. He said a quick goodbye to Harrison before exiting their medical practice just before opening time.

As he was leaving he realised that he hadn’t included the teensy little detail that he was now engaged to someone that Little J despised. If he had told her that then the conversation may have taken a completely different direction. He would tell her another time.

The slightly later hour meant that there were carriages about for hire and he needed to get home as quickly as possible, and near running on foot was not as fast as a carriage was.

He climbed in one of the small, black carriages and quickly asked the driver to take him to Ethridge Manor before closing the door and settling into the seat.

The early morning meant the London streets were somewhat quiet so the journey took them no time at all. James exited the carriage and tossed a coin into the hands of the driver, flashing him a thankful smile.

When he entered his house, he suddenly wished that his family were a little more orthodox. Married women traditionally had their breakfast in bed while the men and unmarried women ate in the dining room. But not in his family. No, his mother enjoyed dining with them every morning which meant that in order to eat he would have her speculating eyes surveying him and noting the fact that once again he was wearing the same clothes as the day before.

As he approached the dining room he heard the sounds of cutlery hitting their fine china plates which meant that everyone was awake.

James took a deep breath and opened the door with a smile on his face. “Good morning, everyone,” he said to his parents and to his younger brother.

Both Sebastian and Henry offered him a smile while his mother just looked him up and down with a quizzical brow. He did want his mother to be proud of him. Perhaps if he’d gone to university after Little J had finished using his name then she might’ve but school wasn’t where his heart lay. Truth be told, he didn’t know where his heart lay.

Then those familiar blue eyes entered his head once more.

Perhaps is sister was right, his mind did go to her involuntarily. But it wasn’t love, it was too soon to be love. He didn’t even know what love felt like. It was more a deranged infatuation. But this infatuation didn’t make him want to bed her and leave before she woke up, it made him want to know her.

Maybe he could love her. Perhaps if she allowed him to know her then he would know for sure how he felt about her. He couldn’t abandon Sarah for a chance, he had to know. Even though Sarah was a prissy dame, she didn’t deserve to be shoved aside on a whim.

“You were up early this morning,” Emilia said dryly as she picked at her omelette on her plate. His mother did look lovely in the mornings. It was before her ladies maid had done her hair so the golden locks hung naturally down her back. Even as she aged she never failed to look timelessly beautiful. It was why his sisters were so fortunate. He and Henry took after their father. James looked exactly like Sebastian did as a young adult, according to both his mother and his grandmother, Catherine, so he knew he was going to be handsome as he aged. Henry was more a mix of the two of their parents, however Sebastian’s masculine features dominated. His mother’s expressive, brown eyes were what stood out on his younger brother’s face though.

“I went to see Little J,” he replied as he took his seat in between Henry and Sebastian at the head of the table. The food before him looked glorious. There was an array of fresh fruit and delicious smelling bread as well as ham and eggs ready for him to tuck in. He selected one of everything as he piled up his plate. “Among other things,” he added quietly.

“How is she this morning?” Sebastian asked. It had taken his father a while to get used to his last daughter leaving the family home. When she’d announced that she was with child, the same day, ironically, as Kitty, he’d finally accepted it. He was to be a grandfather once again.

“Fine,” James replied. A genius, as per usual, but fine. Now was the time to implement his plan to apologise and to impress Jacqueline. “I wanted to speak to you about something actually, I’ve been doing some thinking,” he began.

“Uh-oh,” Henry teased. “This can’t be good. James doesn’t think.”

James rolled his eyes at his younger brother. “Quiet,” he hushed but all Henry did was muffle his laughter and failed dismally at it. “Anyway,” he continued, looking back to his amused parents. “My time with Joseph yesterday was well spent. It made me realise that we should really do more for the orphanage. Ethridge is a wealthy estate and I think more is needed for it to be a well-run place.” He was careful not to mention Jacqueline. His mother was already suspicious, if she knew about her then she would spare no time in going to see her for herself. Knowing Emilia, she would probably recruit his sisters to accompany her in scrutinising the object of his affections. He paused. Object of his affections?

“We already donate funds to the church for the orphanage. Your mother buys the children Christmas gifts and sends a ham each year … unless we adopt some of the children I don’t see what more we could do,” Sebastian replied regretfully. “Even as adults, you five are the most we can handle.”

It was true, his parents did spend a lot of their time doing charitable things for the less fortunate and he and his siblings were still quite the handful at times.

“Papa, I meant more about funding a salary for a cook or a housekeeper or something,” James explained. “If we give them fifty pounds then surely someone can be hired. I think the benefits far outweigh the costs, papa.”

For the first time in a long time, Emilia smiled at him proudly. “You’re being perfectly sincere, aren’t you?” she said happily. “Generosity is a good look on you, my son.”

“I am, mama,” he nodded. This was the perfect way to make it up to Jacqueline as well as help her and the children she cared for.

“Fifty pounds?” Sebastian checked.

“Fifty,” James confirmed.

“Alright, you may go up to my study and take the money,” he allowed.

“Thank you, papa,” James grinned as he quickly ate a few bites of his breakfast before abandoning it. He pushed his chair back and ran from the room as quickly as he could. He came to the foyer staircase and took it two stairs at a time so that he could arrive at his father’s study in the shortest amount of time.

The study was completely organised; it had to be otherwise Sebastian would muddle up all the financial, business and property records that belonged to Ethridge. One day James would have to learn everything to do with the running of the estate, something he was not looking forward to but he knew was necessary.

His father always kept his money in the banks but did keep a sum of money in his study should he ever need it. Opening the bottom drawer in his large desk, he lifted up the paperwork that concealed the money and then selected a fifty pound bank note that was completely pressed flat. Fixing the drawer back to how it was, James placed the note on the desk and then pulled a piece of parchment from his father’s stationary ready to write a missive to accompany it.

It felt strange to be sitting in the desk that he would one day occupy. He didn’t feel old enough or mature enough to step into his father’s shoes though. Not yet. To step into them meant this his father would be dead and he was not ready to lose his father, not ever.

He dipped Sebastian’s quill in ink and began to write.

Dear Jacqueline,

Please accept this money with my sincerest apologies.

It was completely inappropriate for me to come to you last night in my state but you showed how compassionate you are by helping me. You risked your reputation to help me and for that I am sorry.

This money is to help you. It will serve as a salary for you to hire someone to help you run the orphanage. Hire whomever you like – be it a cook or a housekeeper. Just allow yourself some time to relax. I can’t imagine that a matron would have much time to herself.

Know that my behaviour last night was completely out of character and I am not usually a drunken cad but nevertheless, I thank you for taking good care of me when you didn’t have to.

I reiterate, use this money to help you. You deserve relief.

Sincerely,

Your hopeful, future friend,

James Alcott.

The letter wasn’t entirely truthful. He was a drunken cad, but he was determined to change. He’d never been so inebriated before, usually he could hold his liquor better. The thought of liquor reminded him of the headache that he’d been ignoring. He would not be drinking again for a long while. He’d learnt his lesson.

James signed his name at the bottom of the page and sourced an envelope. He folded the missive and the note so they both would fit and then sealed the envelope using wax and the Ethridge stamp.

As he wrote her name on the front of the envelope, he realised that he did not know her surname. Instead he wrote ‘Matron’ before her name and then wrote ‘The Preston Orphanage’ below it.

Making sure his father’s desk was the way he had found it, he left the study and slipped down the servant’s staircase that was carefully concealed in the wall. The staircases that were frequented by the caretakers at Ethridge were much narrower so he felt a little anxious as he moved down them for fear of the small space. He reached the bottom floor that contained the kitchen, servant’s dining room and the recreation rooms, and he could immediately smell the food that Mrs Norrish was preparing for lunch already. She had a divine skill. Several of the maids looked alarmed to see him downstairs but curtseyed nevertheless. They were carrying fresh linen ready to change the beds now that the family was no longer occupying them.

James found Mr Carter in his office polishing a silver pitcher. The old butler would never retire, though he was too good at his job for the Alcotts to ever let him go. He’d been working at Ethridge since before his mother had arrived as a seventeen year old girl, and still Emilia saw him as a father figure.

“Mr Carter?” James said as he knocked on the door.

Mr Carter jumped in fright as he saw James suddenly appear at his door. “Sir, I was not expecting you down here. What can I do for you?” he asked, standing from his chair.

“Don’t stand, Mr Carter, it’s alright. I have a letter here and I need it delivered promptly. It is to be delivered directly into the hands of Mademoiselle Jacqueline, no-one else. It contains a large sum of money for the orphanage and I don’t want it falling into the wrong hands.” James trusted their butler. He would never betray their family by stealing from them.

“I understand, sir,” Mr Carter nodded and accepted the envelope. “I’ll deliver it myself.”

“Mr Carter, I don’t expect you to deliver it personally, a footman would suffice, so long as he knows the importance of its safe delivery,” James replied. He didn’t want their butler running about London when, at his age, he ought to be relaxing and enjoying his golden years.

“I insist, sir,” Mr Carter assured him as he held the letter between his hands. “I’ll ensure the delivery of your letter to the … mademoiselle?” The last part of his statement was a question.

“The matron is French,” he explained. Her title was sort of self-explanatory. “But take the carriage, don’t walk.”

“I thank you, sir,” Mr Carter said, smiling.

With one last ‘thank you’, James returned to the staircase to re-join his family in the dining room. As he was about to turn into the dining room he heard a knock on the door. Looking around he couldn’t see anyone there to answer it so he took it upon himself. As he came to the door he wondered if he should have been the one to deliver the letter so that Jacqueline could see the sincerity on his face. He wanted to see how happy it made her. He wanted to see the smile on her face.

As he swung the door open all the thoughts of Jacqueline plummeted as he saw the wide, green eyes belonging to Sarah Smith. She stood before him with a wide smile on her face. Her ebony hair was pulled back into an intricate braid hairstyle and her gown was a deep purple colour with an expensive design that emphasised her generous bust and her tiny waist. If he hadn’t known Sarah through reputation first, then she surely would have been one of his conquests. But because he’d heard of her personality beforehand, he was not attracted to her.

“Sarah,” he said unenthusiastically. “What are you doing here?”

“I come bearing an invitation for Lord and Lady Ethridge,” she said excitedly. “To the engagement soireé my parents are throwing for us. Tonight!”

----

French translations:

Imbecile: idiot/fool

Do you know how hard it is to type with a wrist brace on? Haaarrrd!! Took a huge fall the other night thanks to my dear brother who tripped me on purpose and now have a stiff knee and sprained wrist and I have my sport matches starting back up on Saturday and there is no way I'm not playing lol.

Dedicated to the beautiful Talia Castellano who lost her life to cancer the other day. Was so inspired by her positive attitude on Ellen. RIP xx