"Lena, you have a visitor," said Dad, peeking out from around the door.

I sat upright. "Knight? Is he back?"

Jace had dropped me off yesterday; and I'd spent the rest of the night pacing holes in my carpet, up and down, up and down, shooting tentative glances at the cupboard door, remembering the months that Knight had spent locked behind it. My eyes felt sore and swollen, and my heart felt like it had wrenched from my chest.

Dad's expression—sympathy and regret–told me that my visitor was not Knight. My stomach sunk. I missed him like a limb; he had become that for me, somehow. I was used to talking out loud, knowing that he was always at my side to respond to my thoughts with an annoying comment or sly side eye. I was used to his presence; always there, night and day. I was used to his stupid singing and obsessed for teen TV shows and constant text messages if I ever had the audacity to leave him.

He wasn't just my best friend, he was my brother. He was the one person I wanted to confide anything and everything in. And after everything that had happened between Jace and I on the trip, the only person I wanted to talk to was Knight. I couldn't even begin to wrap my head around it all without him.

Dad pulled open the door further to let a surprising guest in.

"McKenna?"

She smiled shyly, offering me a small box of chocolates. "I thought you might need this."

I accepted the box gratefully, hugging it to my chest. Dad closed the door behind him, leaving McKenna standing awkwardly near the door with her hands hanging near her sides, no longer occupied by the box. I patted the spot next to me. "Did you want to talk?"

Relief passed over her face as she moved to sit on the bed. I could see that her hands were fidgeting nervously. I didn't say anything, letting her take a moment to collect her thoughts. Her face was slightly white, and a million possibilities raced through my head. Was someone dead? Did she know something about Knight? Was Knight dead? Was Jace dead?

I rocked back slightly. "Is everyone okay? Did you hear something about Knight? Is he okay. Oh god, please tell me he's okay."

McKenna shook her head. "I don't know anything, sorry. Is he missing? I didn't know."

I grimaced. "Yeah. My, um, my dad found out he was living here and before I could explain he'd run off."

"Knight was living here?"

I smiled slightly. "Um, yeah. He was. But I think he thought I'd kick him out now that my family knows, and he ran off before that could happen. I'm just worried."

McKenna stood up. "I'm really sorry. I shouldn't say any of this. You're clearly going through a rough time. I have a car, I could go out and look for him?"

I grabbed her hand gently. "Thanks, McKenna. Liv and Mum are out looking now. We can go look for him later, but how about you just say what you wanted to say? I can't handle the mystery."

Thoughts of Knight had tortured me for hours, the mystery of his whereabouts keeping me up all night. I couldn't handle a second mystery.

McKenna nodded slowly, sitting down again tentatively. She had almost seemed relieved for the distraction, and now the stress of her impending speech had come back. I looked at her expectantly, as she inhaled deeply and looked nervously over at me.

"You know that I used to date Jace, right?" said McKenna, stumbling over her words slightly.

I placed my hand on her shoulder. Shit. Shit, shit, shit. It was a conversation that was inevitable, and guilt had been eating me up since Philip Island. I remembered the strange look on McKenna's face when she'd seen me with Jace. The expression she wore every time she looked at him. "I'm really sorry, McKenna. Really sorry. We have always been friends, and exes are totally off-limits. It was... I really didn't want to hurt you, and I know that I don't really deserve your forgiveness, but I want you to know that I didn't intentionally set out to hurt you and feel genuinely awful for my actions."

McKenna was laughing. "Lena, I'm not mad at you."

"You're not?"

"No, I'm not."

I winced. "But... aren't you still in love with Jace?"

McKenna hesitated for a moment, her lips parting slightly at she mulled carefully over her next words. She was genuinely stunning, McKenna. Jace breaking her heart was kind of a crime against humanity. "I— yes. Kind of. I don't know." She smiled weakly. "I still love him. I guess I'm still trying to figure out the in love stuff. He was my first love, and I don't think you ever forget that. The problem was, I was never his."

"What do you mean?"

"I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out if it was worthwhile to have this conversation with you," said McKenna, my question still hanging listlessly in the air between us. "I mean, this could totally be a massive breech of privacy and I could be making a completely incorrect choice by telling you this. But I'm starting to think no one will tell you explicitly, and, no offence, you're kind of clueless when it comes to, like, very obvious, practically hitting you in the face hints."

I poked her in the ribs playfully. "This is slander I refute! I object!"

McKenna laughed. "Lena, you couldn't take a hint if it stripped naked and did the Macarena on stage in front of you."

"Offensive. Blasphemy. I would like my protest and disagreement noted for the record."

"Noted."

I smiled wryly. It was the first time since Knight disappeared that a genuine smile had touched my lips. "Okay, so what is this naked Macarena hint that I missed?"

"Do you know why I broke up with Jace?"

"You broke up with Jace?"

"Didn't expect that, huh?" McKenna said. She brushed a loose blonde hair from her face, sighing gently. "I mean, I guess it was mutual. It was obvious he was going to. But no one really suspects that it was me who pulled the trigger; I was so obviously in love with him."

She had been. McKenna had spoken so highly of Jace, had giggled girlishly every time his name was brought up, had watched him walk past in the hallways with a love struck smile. I remembered pitying her; I mean, clearly anyone who liked Jace had brain damage. Unfortunately, it appeared I was one of the poor girls who liked Jace now.

McKenna bit her lip. "Can you think what's similar about every girl Jace has ever properly talked to? All the girls who he flirted with, kissed, dated?"

"They could all do so much better?" I suggested. I couldn't help it; I was cursed with it for life. "They're all super hot?"

McKenna grinned. "No. Not quite." She wasn't looking at me when she said, "Every single one of them was new to the school."

I raised an eyebrow, unsure if it was a revelation that was supposed to be meaningful. "Were they?"

"New girls, exchange students. I mean, I met Jace in my first week at school with you guys. I didn't know anyone, and he was in my first class. He showed me around, made me feel comfortable. Made sure I had friends, and was endlessly sweet. I think I loved him on that first day." McKenna's eyes were slightly glassy as she reminisced, a dreamy, sad smile on her face. Memories that clearly held a special, sentimental place in her heart tainted by the knowledge of what was to come. "I've spoken to the other girls since, you know? They also met Jace when they first started at school, and it was the exact same pattern. Because for all your denials, Jace is really the best guy. I don't think he ever intended to break anyone's heart, but I don't think he had a choice. I mean, he had to try."

"If you're trying to tell me he's aromantic or something, it's okay. I'm not dating him. It won't, like, crush my heart or anything if he can't be with me." Somehow, after everything that had happened at Philip Island, at the wedding, the strange thing that had sprung up between us? Maybe I was lying. Somehow, it some irreversible and intrinsic way, my heart was now teetering on the line between love and hate. It was, I feared, connected to Jace Hartley, and would be collateral damage if things went south.

McKenna shook her head fervently. "Oh, no. That's not it. It's just. New girls didn't know, did they? And again, I don't think it was intentional on his part. I just don't think anyone who knew him, knew his history, would've bothered to date him. They all knew they were setting themselves up for heartbreak if they did try."

I grimaced sympathetically. "Because everyone who knew him thought he was the worst? I probably went way overboard with spreading those rumours. He's not that bad."

"Yeah, not that," said McKenna. "But that's why all his relationships never lasted. It's hard to stay secure when you're constantly being told by everyone in your year that it will never last, when everyone looks at you sympathetically, knowing it will end. When you can see why, right in front of your eyes."

I lent forward, desperate now. "Why? You guys were perfect together. What happened?"

McKenna's face fell slightly. "Jace might've been perfect for me, but I was never perfect for him. He'd already found that girl, a long, long time ago, and any time he spent with anyone else was mere pretence. And he knew it, everyone knew it, and I was just the fool who tried to deny it."

I frowned. "That was cruel of him. Why would he do that to you?"

McKenna shrugged. "He had to try. He couldn't wait around forever."

I crossed my arms. "Well, maybe he should've just gone out with his perfect girl."

"Oh, my God. Lena. Naked and dancing, I'm telling you." She was laughing now. "Lena, he couldn't go after this girl. She'd decided she didn't quite like him, and was rather stubborn about out it." She looked down at her hands. "But now it seems like he has a chance with her, and I don't want to see him blow it. Because I do still love him, and I want to see him happy."

"What are you saying?" I whispered.

McKenna's smile was shy, nervous, a little bit heartbroken. But it was also sweet, tentative. "I'm not saying anything," she said. "But if you have questions, I think you should ask them."

"McKenna," I said, pleadingly. "C'mon."

She grinned. "I guess even I don't have the guts to tell you outright," she said. "If you want answers, maybe you should think about getting them."

"You can't leave me with this!" I proclaimed. "You have to tell me. Who was Jace Hartley's perfect girl? Because if you're telling me I'm going to be in competition with the love of Jace's life, then I say fine. I love a competition."

McKenna buried her face in her hands. "Oh, my God."

"What?"

She shook her head. "I can't tell you anything else. It isn't my place." She smirked. "If you want to know the girl you're competing against, then you should ask Jace for her name. Take Knight with you."

"Well, I have to find him first."

McKenna inclined her head enigmatically. "Then maybe you should do that."