《I was a Mistake》Seeing My Best Friend

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After the men left, I was met with an intense wave of exhaustion. A throbbing pain had settled in between my eyebrows and my thigh ached. The doctor had decided I would take pain medication in pill form so as not to form a reliance on any of my pain relievers. I didn't care what I took as long as the pain went away. I went to bed soon after the nurse handed me the pill.

❃❃❃

I was back in the basement. I could hear arguing behind the door, words consisting of curses and my name. I was laying on my training bed with layers of shirts, in too much pain to move.

With a slam of the door on the wall, I found Momma at the top of the stairs. Her eyes were wide, filled with rage, murderous. Her hands twitched at her sides. "Oh Eden, when will you learn?" she said, her voice snakelike and sinister. She started down the steps, etching her way to me.

I wanted to get up. I tried to get up. My body refused to move.

Momma moved toward me in slow motion with a menacing smile on her face. "You'll learn someday. I should have killed you."

Her steps were thunderous and she got faster as she walked towards me. I whimpered, I cried, I moaned, but I could not speak. When she got to me she put her fingers around my throat and squeezed. My airway was blocked, I could not fight, I could not breathe. I tried to scream, I thrashed, I cried.

"You'll die. How does it feel to be helpless? To not know how to survive? This is how I felt when you made my husband leave. Everything I've ever done to you is your fault alone."

Painful bursts of panic shot through my closed lips. I tried to bring air into my lungs, watching the black dots parade over my eyes. I prayed, looked to the skies and begged whoever was looking down to take her bruising fingers away.

My vision went black. Everything slowed down. I gasped for breath to no avail...

❃❃❃

I shot up in bed, gasping for the breath I had lost in my dream. Mr. and Mrs. Winters were by my side instantly, fussing over me and doing what they could to calm me down. Mrs. Winters wrapped her thin arms around me and I sobbed into her shoulder, shaking with unkempt terror. "It was only a dream. It was only a dream," she cooed into my ear.

I shook my head vehemently. I knew it was only a dream, but I had experienced the pain before. I knew what it felt like to have my mother's hands wrapped around my neck, trying to squeeze the life out of me. I knew what it felt like to hurt so bad, I was afraid to move. I knew what it felt like to be so scared of my mother, I wished for death to escape her malice.

My tears continued and I worried they'd never stop. Everything was catching up, I could no longer ignore what I had to do to get myself out of the hands of my mother. I had to tell my story so I would never have to live in that basement again. Mrs. Winters climbed onto my bed and pulled me to her. She wrapped her arms around my body and I relaxed into her. She whispered softly into my ear, "You are brave, you are strong, you are safe, baby girl."

After an hour in Mrs. Winters' arms, watching tv and feeling the vibrations of her voice speaking to her husband from my head on her chest, Mr. Winters grabbed my hand and kissed the back of it. "How would you like to see Noah, Eden?" he suggested. A smile found its way onto my face and I squeezed his hand. "Gigi is going to bring Noah, Isaiah, and Joseph here as soon as we tell them you're ready."

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Gigi was my favorite extended family member of Noah's. She treated me as her own and I hoped she'd stop for a visit, too. I could hardly hide my excitement and wiggled in Mrs. Winters' arms. She giggled. "I'd say she's ready now! I know Noah will be relieved to see you."

It had been a total of three weeks since I'd seen my best friend. I was overflowing with excitement, wondering what he'd do when he saw me bandaged and hooked up to an IV. I wondered if he'd look any different. He seemed to have a growth spurt every day.

Mr. Winters left the room to call Gigi and left me with Mrs. Winters. She still held me in her arms and I felt her preparing her breath to speak. "Eden, Aaron and I are your foster parents right now and you will be living with us until everything is figured out," she said. "I just want you to know that we plan to keep you living at our house as long as we possibly can. I need to know if that is okay with you before we fight for it."

Hope bloomed in my chest. I'd always wanted to live with the Winters. I'd seen them as the perfect family since the day I met them. I'd never expected them to choose me to be a part of the family of my dreams.

I looked into her eyes to see if she was telling the truth. I'd expected her to be looking back with humor and malevolence. I worried she'd been joking. Instead, Mrs. Winters eyes were honest and expectant. She wanted me to live with her. I nodded emphatically, desperate to belong to a family that loved me.

"Oh, baby, I'm so happy. I don't mean to be presumptuous, but I hope someday you could think of me as your family." She grabbed me to her again and kissed my head.

I was reminded of how dirty I had to have been. It had been a long time since I'd bathed and I was worried to see Noah. I smoothed my hair with my hands and looked at my dirty arms. Mrs. Winters understood and pulled herself off the bed. "I'm sure I could give you a quick sponge bath and at least brush your hair," she mused. "I'll be right back."

She left the room and I was left to myself. I had an irrational fear that my momma would come into the room and beat me again. I watched the door, waiting for Mrs. Winters to return. When she entered with a small bucket and some rags, I felt an immediate sense of relief.

Mrs. Winters brought a towel to the bed and sat me on top of it. "I'll just sponge you down so you feel better." She wiped the wet rag down my arms and carefully down my legs. She handed it to me and I took care of my armpits and private parts. She, then, took a small hand towel and wiped it on my face. When she was through, she combed my hair gently.

I watched her intently. She was so kind and was always going out of her way to make me feel better. Mr. and Mrs. Winters doted on me, making sure I had what I needed. I decided I had always considered them family.

When Mr. Winters returned, he held a duffel bag in his hand. He handed it to his wife and she went into the bathroom. I heard the shower turn on soon after. Mr. Winters sat beside me waiting his turn.

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"Gigi and the boys are on their way, Eden," Mr. Winters told me as he turned the television on. "She says Noah hasn't looked as happy as he is now the entire week he's been there. Ezekiel and Jenna are coming home and plan to be here in two days. I can't wait for you to see them."

❃❃❃

I could hardly contain my excitement. If it wasn't for the IV that hadn't been taken out yet, or my throbbing ankle and thigh, I'd be hopping around the room. I couldn't contain the splitting grin on my face. We'd been sitting and waiting for Gigi's arrival for thirty minutes and I couldn't help but be incredibly inpatient.

And just like that, I could hear him down the hall. He ran with heavy feet and read aloud the numbers on the door. "145...143...141! Gigi, she's in here! 141!"

He knocked obnoxiously on the door, making quite a bit of noise. "Come on, Gigi! Isaiah, Joseph move!" Mrs. Winters was laughing as she opened the door for her youngest son.

Her body covered him and I strained to look around her. When he got out from around his mother, he was holding a giant balloon in his fist. A giggle erupted from my chest. My best friend let go of the balloon, leaped onto the bed, and wrapped his arms around me. I was immersed in his calming scent of amber.

Both of Noah's parents shouted to be careful, but I couldn't be bothered to think about anything but hugging him back. Noah, however, jumped off and put his hands up in surrender.

"I'm so sorry, Edith! Did I hurt you?" he agonized, with a look of terror. He looked so worried, another giggle escaped my lips as I shook my head.

I took a chance to study him. Despite the cheery expression on his face, I could tell that Noah had had a bad couple of weeks. His beautiful, blue eyes were red and puffy. Dark circles were prominent on his unusually pale face. He cheeks were gaunt, and I felt dread and guilt that the way he looked was all my fault.

But Noah seemed to have forgotten everything but being present with me. He talked a mile a minute about how much he missed me and informed me of all the events I had been absent for. We sat facing each other on the hospital bed, my hand in his, and it was as if the rest of the family had disappeared.

That is until Mrs. Winters poked his shoulders. She said, "You have to share, silly. You can't have her all to yourself." It was then that I looked to see most of the Winters family in chairs around my hospital room.

Gigi stood up from her spot by the bed to give me a warm hug. She looked a little surprised that I hadn't cowered away from her like the previous times we had met.

Joseph sat beside her, smiling fondly at me. He was the most sensitive of the group and his looks were to be expected. His handsome face gave off the impressions that he hadn't slept a wink in days.

Isaiah sat closest to us and his normally cool and composed stature seemed to be missing. When he saw my eyes on him, a look of guilt flashed in his. I hadn't ever considered that he would feel guilty for my abuse. I had forgotten my family hit me because Gabriel had been beaten by Isaiah. I needed Isaiah to know that I could never blame him for what happened to me. I knew that he was trying to protect me and I was grateful. I held my hand out to Isaiah, beckoning him to me. When he reached my bedside, I wrapped my free arm around his waist, trying to convey that I didn't blame him. Isaiah rested his head on top of mine and said, "I'm so glad you're safe, Ed. We've missed you."

❃❃❃

I spent the rest of the visiting period listening to my foster family talk. I felt a heavy weight of guilt on my shoulders when I looked at their faces. They all appeared happy with huge smiles, but I could see how tired and worried about my well-being they were.

I tried to soak in as much of their cheerfulness as I could because I worried about seeing my momma the next day. They told me my momma would be handcuffed. Police officers would be present and most everyone in the room would be looking after me. Regardless, I couldn't shake the scared feeling and worry out of my body. I knew what my momma was capable of.

Noah sat next to me propped up on the pillow to my right. He'd jut into the conversation every once in a while with his loud mouth, but mostly kept quiet, whispering to me about how much he missed me, or some random fact, he'd learned at school or anything that would allow him to talk to me.

He was the same boy I loved- loud, obnoxious, and fiercely loyal- but at the same time, Noah was different. At almost twelve years old, he had hit yet another growth spurt, growing way over my head, and he hadn't gotten a haircut in a while. But that wasn't what really changed him in my eyes.

Noah's difference came in the way he treated me. He'd always held my hand and helped me when I needed it like best friends do, but now, Noah refused to let go of my hand, even when it got clammy. He asked me if I needed anything every few minutes like he was afraid I'd disappear.

He'd brush my hair out of my face with his fingers and look into my eyes to make sure I was listening. When someone else in the room would talk, he'd absent-mindedly stroke my thumb with his own, gripping onto my hand.

In one embarrassing moment, Noah turned to kiss my cheek at the same time I turned to look at him. His lips hit mine and flames erupted in my heart and on my face. Noah looked ready to die, his face scrunched up in his hands and a red tinge to it. I was so glad that nobody in the room had seen.

I'd always had a crush on Noah. He was handsome, kind, funny, and my best friend in the entire world. I hated when I was away from him and felt warm and happy beside him. He took care of me and treated me better than anyone I knew.

But a crush was all it was. I wasn't going to tell him obviously and I felt happy just being his friend. However, I was secretly glad he had been my first kiss, whether he wanted to be or not.

❃❃❃

"You can come home after the hearing, Edith. Zeke and Jenna should be there and we can celebrate that you live with us now!" Noah exclaimed. He pried his fingers from my own and frowned at me before a smirk grew on his face. "I'll bring you a surprise if you promise to play scrabble with me."

I giggled through my nod. Noah hated scrabble. He wasn't good at it, by any stretch of the word, but he always asked me to play because he knew it was my favorite.

All of the boys left with Gigi thirty minutes after visitors were supposed to leave. I felt bad because I hadn't been very attentive to the rest of the family, too busy listening to Noah talk. But they weren't angry, just hugged me tightly before leaving the room. They promised to see me the next day.

Noah hugged me last, wrapping his arms around me. "I'll see you tomorrow because you promised you'd play scrabble. We'll do whatever you want to do." With one reluctant final look at me, he left the room with a wave.

I was left in my hospital bed alone as Mr. and Mrs. Winters said goodbye to them down the hall. I missed them almost immediately. I was ready to get past the next day so I could be back with the Winters. I fell asleep, determined to prove I didn't deserve to live with the abuse and belonged with people who loved me.

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