《I was a Mistake》Gram's Gone
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After getting released from the hospital, I was put into my bed in my old, pink bedroom and was laid on my bad side so I could breathe easier. Gram had her bags by the door frame and kissed my head before whispering, "I'll miss you most. I'll try to get you out of here as soon as possible. I'm so sorry I can't stay longer, angel baby."
She left that day after Momma told her she wasn't invited to visit anymore.
Mommy and Gram argued a lot over the weekend. Momma didn't want Gram to be a part of her life. I remember her saying, 'Why do you always interfere with my life? She's my daughter, I can raise her however I want!'
Gram wasn't happy with my momma. 'You're neglecting her for your own mistakes! I had to tell those men her other bruises were from her brother! I know where they are from, Shanie! She's in less than the third percentile of a normal three-year-old and severely malnourished. That baby has done nothing to your family, yet all of you treat her like she's the plague! Can't I take her home with me?'
I think that we'd be really happy if I lived with Gram.
'She's my daughter, not yours! I'm keeping her and you can't do anything about it. Go to CPS, see if they believe you! Besides, with your health condition, she's just gonna come back to me in a few years anyway.'
If I had known it was my last time to see my beloved Gram, I would have done more than just received her kisses.
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After Gram left, I was moved back to the basement. Momma set up my training bed and told me to walk downstairs. The doctor told me I shouldn't walk and to keep from moving as much as possible, but I didn't think Momma cared what the doctor said. I had been taught to breathe evenly, but the pain took my breath away, causing me to gasp every couple of steps. I held onto the stair railing as tight as I could so I wouldn't trip.
"Get in bed. You start school in two weeks. Don't get pneumonia."
They said that word a lot in the hospital. I didn't know what pneumonia was, but I was going to do my best to not get it because Mommy told me not to. Momma left me in the basement without giving me any medicine. I remembered the doctor telling Gram to give me medicine every four hours. It felt like it had been much longer. I grabbed her hand and pointed to my side. Mommy scoffed and walked off.
I was having trouble breathing because of the pain and I had to go to the bathroom really bad. I contemplated going potty in my bed, but I remembered what Momma did last time.
I hobbled to the toilet and tried to hoist myself up. Come on, Eden! Do it! No matter what I encouraged, my battered body could not reach the tall toilet. I hobbled to a box and pushed it into the bathroom, tears leaking out. I quickly wiped them away just in case Momma came back. When I stacked the boxes high enough, I stepped up to the toilet and was able to potty.
I found a piece of cloth and wet it in the sink and hobbled over to my bed before placing the cloth on my aching side. I shivered at the cold and the relief I felt. I imagined Gram and Daddy and even Mommy kissing me goodnight before falling asleep.
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I was really hungry. Mommy forgot to feed me the day before and I wasn't able to get to the top of the stairs where my plate of food was.
I was in so much pain, my body was shaking and writhing in my small bed. I grunted and tried to sit up, wishing I had a blanket to put over my shoulders. I wasn't breathing right again. I tried to breath like the nice doctors told me to, but every breath felt like a punch to my already sore body.
When I reached the plate of food, I ate it as fast as I could before limping back to my bed and trying to sleep. Momma said I had school in two weeks. The twins loved school. I hoped I would too.
"Wake up, Eden! Put this dress on and then come upstairs." I sat up gingerly and started the awful task of taking my clothes off and putting on a new dress. The 2T dress had fit me so much better than my older ones.
I had turned four over the weekend. Momma told me as she brought me my food that night. Maybe this was what four-year-olds were supposed to be wearing.
I pulled myself up the stairs and looked around to see where Mommy and the twins were. They were sitting in the living room, Momma fixed Gabriella's hair and Gabriel read a book, eating a bag of chips. I was scared of the twins.
I tried to hobble into the living room without being noticed. Gabriella looked up and laughed. I winced. "Mommy, look how silly she looks in her baby clothes!" Gabriel guffawed with her and my momma chuckled.
Momma shook her head. "Come here, Eden. I have to do something to your ratty hair." I slowly walked up to her and she pushed me to the floor and started tugging at my hair. A grunt of pain erupted from me before I could stop it.
"Listen here, brat. You are not to let on that you are in any pain today, got it? Normal mommy's don't send their kids to school with bruised ribs, but that's why I'm the best mommy because I care so much for your education! Also, I can't be bothered thinking about what you're up to when I'm at work." She said the last part under her breath but I still heard it. I nodded sweetly to my pretty momma. She was wearing a pretty dress and her hair was done really nice and curly.
"Right, so let's go, children. Get in the car. Move, Eden!" The twins jumped up and ran to the red car in the driveway. I did my best to keep up, but I hurt really bad. I tried to crawl into the car, but it was high off the ground.
I wished for my basement boxes to lift me up. I struggled for a while trying to jump off the ground or use my arm strength. I pulled hard on the rug on the floorboard and finally lifted myself into the car, a groan of pain escaping before I could stop it.
Now the car seat. I grabbed onto the buckle and pulled hard lifting my body onto the chair, only hitting my side a little. I tried to buckle myself in, but I messed up.
"Four years old and can't even buckle a car seat." Momma shook her head at me before getting in the driver seat and driving to the school without fixing my restraints.
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"Eden, I don't think I need to tell you to keep your mouth shut today. You seem to be doing quite well with that. No friends, just school. No one will want to talk to a tiny, mute girl anyway," Momma whispered to me when we arrived at a large doorway down Pre-K hall.
We walked into the room with a lot of kids that looked only a little bigger than me and Mommy dragged me to a lady with pretty brown hair and blue eyes. "Hello, what's your name?" the pretty lady asked my name with a large smile, but I stayed quiet.
"This is Eden. I signed her up two weeks ago. She doesn't talk and she's quite the handful, so good luck with that." My momma sounded kind of mean to the pretty lady. "She has three bruised ribs, her brother got a little too aggressive. She shouldn't be any trouble and they'll heal soon, just sit her out at playtime or something," The lady looked shocked but kept the smile on her face.
"We've got a little boy with a broken arm. She can play with him. No need to keep her isolated," the lady insisted.
Momma smiled, but I saw right through her. Momma grabbed my shoulder and squeezed really hard making me flinch. I looked at the nice lady and hoped she wouldn't be like my momma. I stood quietly by a box of dress-up clothes while Momma talked to the teacher privately. She left without so much as a look in my direction.
"Alright, Eden. Let's introduce you to the classroom. My name is Mrs. Mckay. Class, listen up!" The kids in the classroom looked up and stopped talking. They seemed to really love my new teacher. "This is Eden. She's our new friend!" Some of the kids in the room smiled, but most turned around and continued talking without any kind of greeting.
Mrs. Mckay took my hand and led me to an open chair next to a large desk with a bunch of other students, walking slowly so as not to hurt my side. "Eden, this is your new desk. You'll like it here, darling. It's station time, so we'll start our rotations soon and after that, we'll have snack time!"
I sat and waited for Mrs. Mckay to announce what to do. I stared at my hands on my desk. A pair of red and blue light up sneakers appeared to the side of me. I looked up and came face to face with a boy that had a giant smile on his face. He had shaggy, blonde hair, blue eyes, and a straight smile-aside from one missing tooth. He also sported chubby red cheeks and big ears. He wore a t-shirt with some kind of superhero on it and baggy shorts. A blue cast covered his entire arm. My face got very hot and I looked back down at my hands.
"Hi, Edith! My name is Noah Winters and I just turned five. I'm from Texas! We just moved here. I broke my arm when I fell out of my tree house. My daddy made it for me! Why are you breathing funny like that?"
He thought my name was Edith. His voice was funny and sounded raspy. I didn't answer or try to correct him, obviously, but that didn't seem to bother him. "Did you hurt yourself, too? Do you have any sisters and brothers? I have three brothers! They're all older than me! I'm the youngest. Momma calls me her baby! Can you believe that? I'm not a baby! You look like a baby 'cause you're really small! Is that rude? Sorry? I like your bow in your hair! Why aren't you talking to me?" He talked to me more than anyone ever has and I felt overwhelmed.
"Noah, Eden doesn't talk much. Maybe you two can balance each other out, huh?" Mrs. Mckay giggled like she made a joke. "Eden do you want Noah to be your friend and show you around? No touching, Noah, Eden has a hurt side." I know Momma told me no friends, but I nodded eagerly and Noah beamed at me.
The day went by and Noah and I didn't leave each other's side. He was very kind and I liked the way he talked for both of us. He formed a game to get to know me. Mrs. Mckay had a book that contained pages of different colors, food, animals, and shapes.
"I'm gonna show you this page of colors and you can point to your favorite, okay?" I nodded and pointed to the blue color. I like it because it matched his eyes and looked like the sky. "I like the color blue too! That's why my cast is blue. What's your favorite food?" I pointed to the picture of waffles and smiled at him. They reminded me of when my daddy made me waffles the last day I saw him. "Waffles are good, but I love chicken nuggets even more. What's your favorite animal?" I pointed at the cat.
We used to have a cat named Callie. She slept with me every night and I loved her dearly. She died when Gabriella fed her an entire chocolate bar. "I like puppies. They're so energetic like I am. How many sisters and brothers do you have?" I put up two fingers. "My brother's names are Joseph, Isaiah, and Ezekiel. They're not always nice to me because I'm so little. Are you five like me?" I shook my head. I held up 4 fingers. He laughed loudly. "I'm older than you!"
"Class, it's time to do some work. We're going to be coloring a picture and I want you to use your favorite colors." Our teacher's voice was kind but assertive. I hobbled over to my desk and gingerly sat down in my chair. I didn't have any school supplies so I sat quietly, afraid to catch my teacher's attention in case I got in trouble.
Mrs. Mckay moved to stand beside me and my shoulders tensed up. I was scared she wanted to hit me for not doing any work. "Eden, do you have any crayons?" I shook my head and looked at the table.
"Edith! I'll share my crayons with you!" I flinched at Noah's screaming voice, almost falling out of my chair, and gasped when my ribs protested.
"Noah! That is very kind of you but please, lower your voice. And her name is Eden, not Edith."
Noah's face turned to remorse and he looked like he was going to cry. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Mckay. I'm sorry, Edith."
Noah stood up and walked to the table of pictures. He came back with two pieces of paper. Noah moved closer beside me until our chairs touched. He sat a picture of a kitten in front of me. He gave me the color blue and told me with a beaming smile, "I know your favorite animal is a cat and I know your favorite color is blue!" I nodded and touched his hand silently thanking him. He smiled even wider and answered me, "You're welcome."
At the end of the day, Momma came into the room as I sat and stacked blocks with Noah. "Eden, let's go. It's time to go home. I gotta go see a friend." I nodded and stood up after Noah wrapped his arms around my body. He was very careful of my side.
"Bye Edith! I'll see you tomorrow," Noah yelled after me. Momma gripped my hand harder and pulled me faster down the hallway, my body protesting. The twins were already sitting in the car when Momma threw me into my car seat and buckled me.
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