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(Y/n's Pov)

I was sitting by my balcony windows, on the window side sofa. My knees hugged warmly in my arms, one leg stretched more than the other and my head leaned helplessly against the wall by the sofa. I looked at the rain droplets falling on the windows rhythmically as I recalled the events that happened a few hours ago. The first event that invaded my head was the one that happened after I left the office.

I was walking on the pavement leading to the subway station near the Park Enterprises building. The weather, as if understanding my emotions thundered and it started raining. In seconds heavy droplets were falling from the sky. While everyone ran for shelter, I stood there for minutes soaking up myself in the rain. The rainwater felt just like me, cold. In any other case, I would have loved to get soaked up in the rain but in this case, I was doing so because this was a way to silence my feelings for a while. The way the icy cold droplets fell on my skin was exactly like the way my inner storm numbed me and shut the mouths of my emotions screaming their lungs out.

"Miss! Please get under a shelter, you're going to get sick or else!", A voice shouted from a distance making my head turn in the direction. Turns out it was coming from right next to me, from a person a few meters away, under the shelter. I nodded vigorously so that they could make me out listening to them because my voice couldn't come out. I was about to turn and make a run to the shelter but a car zoomed down the road and splashed muddy water all over me.

I flinched and shut my eyes tightly and instantly with my clenched fists on my sides, but no voice came out of me. I opened my eyes slowly and peeked out. The car was long gone. I felt the muddy water drip from my right cheek, down to my neck. My fully clothed left arm covered in muddy water and so was my left leg. My whole left side was drenched in muddy water. I looked back at the people standing under the shelter and saw all of them staring at me, all. Of. Them. I squinted my eyes due to the rain and scanned all the people standing adjacent to me before my eyes stopped. There were two, two women.

And there was a consideration in my head.

If I weren't standing here, the two would have been drenched from head to toe.

Well, at least their clothes were saved and an extra bath they would've taken. My clothes would be a pain to scrub off. But it's alright, I'll manage. Their clothes look more expensive than mine anyway.

Even though the rain was loud and I had turned my head away, I could still hear people talking about my situation. They were either going, "Aw poor her.", "How unfortunate.", "She should have gotten in a shelter long before." But my ears picked up on certain words more than the rest of them speaking.

"Did you see? If that fatty wasn't standing there we would have been covered in dirt and my thousand-five hundred worth of clothes would be covered in mud.", One girl spoke judgementally.

I was about to shoot my head up to look at the two but my self-confidence was already so annihilated that I couldn't bring myself to do so.

"Hey...I don't think you should be saying that...", I heard the other girl say with my head hung low.

"Do I look like I care? Her being fat is only useful for these cases, doing odd jobs.", She chuckled menacingly. "Look, that bitch is so fat that she saved us both from being covered shit water."

"Hey, why did you call her a bi-"

Bitch...

"Why are you taking her side? Are you a loser like that slut too? Wha seriously.", With that, the second woman also shut her mouth as I saw her from the corner of my eye.

Slut... There was a pang in my chest. A painful one, on my already wounded heart. Is this what you get from saving people from unpleasant situations...? Insults..?

The second woman...I appreciate her for taking my side but when the conversation included her too, she backed out...Another selfish 'human'.

Not wanting to hear another word from them and let those words carve themselves into me, I walked away briskly towards the subway station.

The mud will wash off anyway in this raging rain.

I was in the subway station, more like inside the train, going home. When I first got inside the train, I knew I was sort of presentable in this situation, knowing that it was really rainy and marshy and there was mud everywhere and it was normal for someone to look like they didn't just walk out of a ball. Moreover, enough mud had been washed off of my face but not from my clothes and no one would judge me much.

But...I was wrong. Just as I got in, all the people's eyes were on me...looking judgementally. But I decided to not pay attention. I looked around to see if there was a free seat because I had worn heels which had gone muddy and my feet were killing me but there wasn't a seat, well not exactly. A lady was sitting on one seat and she gave her small bag another seat.

"Maybe I could ask her to move her bag.", So I walked towards the lady. "Excuse Me, could you move your bag, I would like to sit."

The lady lifted her head from her phone and looked at me. And her face got judgemental immediately. Her face twitched in disgust. She mumbled 'ew' and brought her attention back to her phone.

I exhaled...out of embarrassment and feeling insulted....

Her way of saying 'no' I guess...

Knowing that the hand support is the only thing I'd be getting this ride, I reached my hand up and held one. The fact that the train was really jerky didn't sit well with me. My balance sucked when it came to that, and I was wearing heels...

Today is definitely not my day...

I stood there for minutes, shivering due to the air conditioner being turned on, trying my best to not lose my balance with my wobbly legs whenever the train jerked at the same time. Suddenly, the lady who declined me her seat spoke up. "Can you stand elsewhere? You stink. Tsk.", She clicked her tongue at the end of the sentence.

"I'm sorry miss...", I apologised and stood a little further from her. But looks like fate didn't want me to. The train jerked and I stumbled a few steps forward, my dirty heels clashing with the lady's shoes...Balenciaga Shoes, making them muddy.

The lady immediately shrieked. "You trashbag! You got my shoes dirty! How do I fix them now! Huh?"

"Owh- I am s-so sorry! I-I didn't mean t-to.", I immediately started apologising while stammering and telling her how much I didn't mean it.

"Stop, I don't want to hear it. Go stand somewhere else. You'd help a whole.", She finished, annoyedly. I only complied, not wanting to be a burden and went and stood in a corner of the train coach near the doors. Now that I was standing at the back, I could see everyone turning their head back to either give a disgusted look or a sympathetic look.

What did I do to deserve to be looked down on or be pitied?

I thought as I shivered, feeling intensely cold on the outside and on the inside.

Soon it was my stop and I got off the damned train filled with damned people with my lips still quivering.

A lone tear left my eye and ran across my right cheek. The same hit that hit me on the street hit me again, right in the chest.

Today was a very unhappy day of mine. At first, Jimin asked me if whatever I told him on the Lingerie Floor came from my experience. The fact that he asked me that is disgraceful itself. It shows that he does consider me to be someone who falls in the plus-size category. In short for the rest; . For someone, my boss, I needed to impress, I disgraced myself before even beginning.

Shameful.

Second...I got fat-shamed. .

There was a painful smile that took over my features.

I got called by names, offensive names.

Bitch...Slut... Why did you have to stop there? You could have called me more names while you were at it. Why did you stop? It's not like I'm new to being called those names anyway.

Then the other one with her was blind and a coward. Blind to see what's right, whether to take the side of the person bullying or the person being bullied and a coward to actually take an action.

Third...the woman in the subway, who treated me like an untouchable just for having muddy clothes and a shabby look. The one who treated me like someone lower than her just because I got her shoes dirty by mistake. She didn't even listen to me when I apologised. The other people on the train were no less either. They complied with her words and actions, gave me their grossed out faces or pitiful looks.

What made you think I needed those pitiful looks? Was I that miserable?

Why did it have to be me who got those looks? Just because one person does it, it doesn't mean you have to do it too...right?

You...the ones who for some reason can't stand my existence even though I caused you no harm; Society.

Your words and actions have become so prevalent to me that whatever you said about me before to what you talk about me now, seem like are true, I have started seeing myself the way you see me. Your words have become my inner voice. And this inner voice of mine has its thought imprinted, the thought you planted in me,

I've tried so much to get rid of my inner voice being so critical, but it just doesn't seem to happen. You called me selfish when I believed I wasn't. But your words and the instances that came with them kept directing me towards me being selfish making me think that maybe I am selfish.

You called me senseless when I knew I was being reasonable but in certain circumstances, your words taunted inside my head making me think maybe I am a fool.

You called me good for nothing when I knew I was pretty capable. But again, your words being the master here, kept leading me to think maybe be I am good for nothing in certain circumstances.

It was painful from the very beginning, as a child, as a teen and as an adult, always painful. Got picked on, got bullied, got judged based on my appearance in every step of my life. It was me, always me, who got treated differently...badly rather. But aside from all that, one thing that had me imprint these thoughts was the things you told about me, out loud so I could hear them too.

(Five years ago)

"Next."

"Mr Wook?"

"Yes, Miss L/n. What are you registering your name for?"

"Um..I'd like to register my name for the Solo Singing Event.", Just as I had said that, I heard a loud laughing coming from behind me."

"PFFFTHAHAHA THAT FAT HAG WANTS TO REGISTER FOR SINGING?! WITH THAT WEAK BARBIE-LIKE VOICE OF HER'S? How will she be able to sing with that voice which always says- PlEaSe LeAvE Me AlOnE."

"I know man, She won't sing with that fucked up voice she has, to begin with, not when she has so many people who will end up shaming her if she even gets on stage.", The guy snickered.

My face contorted into a grim expression.

Maybe I should not...too bold of me to assume I could pull that off.

"Mr Wook, I would like my name cancelled."

The professor shot his head up. "Why, Miss L/n?"

"I...changed my mind.", I gave him a half fledged smile before he lowered his head and scratched my name out...

I took one longing glance at it before I left.

Clutching my books against my chest, I walked across the campus, trying to get to my class, but I was pushed away by the shoulder.

"Aah-", I tumbled sideways before falling on the ground over my elbow, making my books scatter on the ground. I sat back up and rolled my sleeves up due to feeling pain. I saw my elbow scraped up by the rough concrete, making it bleed slightly. I hissed in pain. And I knew who caused it.

I brought my head up to see the group of people I hated the most....

"Aww, poor babyy, she got a booboo.", One of the girls said.

"Shut up, Ilica. That whore deserved it."

"Veronica~ Honey don't get so pent up.", Ilica swung an arm around her.

"Get your hand off me!", Veronica pushed her away.

"Veronica don't get so-"

"Shut up Skyler!", Veronica shot him a glare before she brought her attention to me. "YOU, BITCH!", She leapt forth and bent down to level her eyes to my level. "What did you do yesterday?", She asked in a severe voice.

"W-what did I do y-yesterday?"

"Stop playing dumb for fuck's sake! Skyler and Matt told me everything!"

"I do not know w-what you're-"

"Skyler and Matt told me you were flirting with Mr Wook yesterday..."

The realisation hit me as I quickly shot a look at the boys who were covering their mouths, stifling their laughter.

Real mature of you both...

I brought my eyes back at Veronica, who had a ferocious look on her face.

"It's not what you think it is- AHH", Veronica clutched my hair from the back of my head, pulling on the roots.

"Shut the fuck up, you slut, I know your kind!"

"Veronica please leave me-", I reached my hand up to get rid of her hand, which was numbing my roots.

"Listen you whore, I'll leave you when I'm done making my point, alright? He's mine. And if I see you anywhere near him, I'll make your life a Understand?", She yanked my hair harder forcing my head to bend back.

I nodded my head with difficulty with tears brimming in my eyes.

It pains, it pains a lot.

Veronica left my hair harshly, pushing my head back even more.

"Bloody lowlife whore...", She muttered as she walked back to her gang.

I wanted to get up, scream at their faces and get the hell away from them, but the fear of them pulling a stunt on me made me stay put in my place on the ground. I felt weak...I was weak. I couldn't even stand up for myself...I was like...a weakling.

I held my head, massaging it slowly, which still hurt from the yanking. Seconds later, I heard footsteps. I looked up to see Ilica, who crouched down to my level. She looked at me for seconds and took my face in her hand, grabbing my cheeks painfully. She turned my face left and right, looking at it with disgust before pushing it away.

"Do you even know how ugly you are?", She looked at me really judgementally, waiting for an answer.

I lowered my head.

"If you can't tell, lemme tell you. First, I cannot stand your pimples and zits on your fatass cheeks.", She pointed her finger at my cheeks lining up to my forehead. "I couldn't even touch them without feeling disgusted. Ew. Second, Your lips. Do you even call these lips?", She laughed out and looked at her friends. "See how ugly-looking they are?", She pointed at them telling her friends to look at it. "So uneven and.... Third, Your eyebrows. And man, THEY ARE HUGE. Like bears. How about I give you a new nickname. Beary Brows?? Forth, Your nose, like is that a nose? You could literally donate it if you had the option to do so because you have . Last but not least, your whole body, which is the epitome of fat. Huge arms, legs, stomach, you're literally an elephant, honey. But sweetheart, How could you wear body-fitting clothes if you are this fat? Like this grey turtleneck and black tights don't work on your body. You've gotta have some shame right? But you are soo shameless...sad for you.", She laughed, mockingly, making the blood boil in my veins from anger and sadness.

"Guys let's go, our class is starting and we have a better job to do than to fill some senses into this dumbitch's head."

It's fair only. I always deserved it. Why? It's because of the times I was selfish, ran after my own satisfaction and comfort. Senseless, for when I pushed genuine people, possible friends, away and broke their hearts. And good for nothing because I never made the important people in my life happy. When I tried to be someone you could look up to for support, I either turned my back on them or I never was being someone you could look up to. I am not the best person you could ask for. All I brought was some sort of pain or distress, brought some imbalance wherever I went. That proves it. I bring pain wherever I go. I mess things up. It's called being a Burden. And burdens are never nice to have. So, they are treated badly, like how I'm being treated, .

Burden, is heavy. So am I metaphorically and...literally. Burden consumes a lot of space, so do I, I catch unwanted attention more than anyone else because I stand out. Everyone hates burdens, Everyone hates me because I am a burden.

But it's alright, I'm used to it.

Saying that my eyes rimmed with tears and streamed down my cheeks. I sniffed and wiped them away with my sleeves but they didn't want to stop. It was not long before I got tired of wiping my cheeks and broke into a silent sob, dropping my head on my knees, crying for real.

yself

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I might've ended it on a gloomy note but please bear with me. I did say the story is not all sunshines and sparkly. You've gotta face the reality here and there.

But if you feel like the story is sappy and stuff, ditch it I don't mind.