Time moved as normal after John left. Hours blended into days, and days into weeks, even though it felt like a life altering experience. For the first few weeks I acted as thought I had experienced a break up, feeling random bursts of sadness whenever I thought about him. If available Amber would come by and comfort me, but I could tell she was confused at my feelings. To a certain extent, I was as well.

John had treated me so badly since I came back, I could count our enjoyable moments on one hand. Yet I acted like he'd taken half of my heart with him.

There was a simple explanation for it.

John, to me, was the only person left who knew the old me. The non-screwed up version off me. The Chloe who hadn't come in contact with her worst nightmare in the form of a man.

Of course there was my mum and Amber, and while we were close, John was practically my second half back in the day. We just clicked one day and that was it, we were best friends for life.

So every aspect of my old life had gone. And it was hard to deal with.

Which is why I refused to open the letter until I'd gotten a hold on my emotions. If I read its contents there was a chance it could send me back to square one and I'd be locked in my room, crying about the past again.

The ground had exchanged snow for fresh grass when I was ready to open the letter. February had just begun and while it was still cold, the days had started to get brighter which in turn cheered me up.

I had just entered my house after a long day at school, holding my phone to my ear as I debated with my boyfriend.

"Dude, water is wet. Stop trying to be different and special by saying otherwise." He told me and I rolled my eyes, using one hand to remove my boots.

"Stop accepting the explanation that's been forced upon you and look deeper. You're just accepting the easy answer cos it's all your brain can process."

"You're resorting to cheap insults now?" Benji scoffed. "That's how I know you have no valid points."

"At least I don't have a fat head." I retorted childishly, giggling when he made an offended noise.

"Don't talk to me for the rest of the day."

"Please, you'll be calling me within an hour." I teased, moving upstairs to my bedroom.

"Cool. We'll see." And with that he hung up. i shook my head with mirth and removed my jacket.

The envelope caught my eye when I was about the leave. It was still a pristine white and seemed to taunt me.

Open me, Chloe. Don't you want to see what's inside...? I imagined it whisper. After a moment of hesitation I crossed over to my desk and grabbed it, opening it gently.

I sat on my bed and took a deep breath as I prepared to read this letter. It wasn't long, just barely a page. A page that could send me spiralling into feelings of sadness and regret.

No big deal.

Dear Chloe,

I'm not good the best at saying my feelings so I have decided to write it instead. This will probably be sappy as fuck so bear with me.

Being with you was like getting air after being underwater for hours. You make living worthwhile. For a kid with a messed up home life like mine, seeing you is what kept me going. It still keeps me going.

I know I can't see you again. At least for a long time. But your smile will always be ingrained in my memory. I wonder what you will remember me for?

I hope it's for being your best friend - the boy with diamonds for eyes I think you said once. Not for the guy I was when you returned.

Instead of being happy you came back, I was angry you left in the first place. I couldn't move past that day I sat on your porch for hours, waiting for you.

I don't mind waiting now. Waiting for it to be safe enough to see you, to hold you close. Hopefully when I see you again you'll be single. Joking. Not really.

Anyway, time to write what the whole point of this letter is.

I love you, Chloe Woods.

Maybe one day you'll be able to love me back. Maybe not. Either way, I'll be okay.

Yours,

John.

******