Please play the song when the lyrics in atalics begin! I promise it'll be better with the song.. or worse. Idk.

"Can we watch Narcos instead?" Luke whines from the floor and I throw a popcorn at him, shushing him up.

"Shut up." Breanna tells him as we both fix our eyes on the television where Lorelai has her inn opening and Kirk is afraid of night terrors.

Luke and Lorelai just kiss when Kirk comes screaming down the stairs and I can't control it anymore so I burst out laughing, Breanna joining me as we watch the show.

Real life Luke turns to us, "That man some serious neurological disorder." He says and I laugh.

"Sure, I think he's really smart though. Like, have you heard him talking facts sometimes? Even I get impressed." I tell him and he rolls his eyes before taking the remote from my hand and searching for Narcos instead.

"Why can't you see us laughing!" His girlfriend whines and I plop my head in her lap which makes her stroke my hair lightly.

Luke offers her a look before she shuts up and he continues to watch his show while I continue to stare at the ceiling, something I've recently become fond of. But before my thoughts can even wonder, Breanna flicks at my nose.

"Bitch." I curse and she offers me an amused smile.

"You were spacing out, you told me I could even beat you up if that happened." She defends herself and I give her a look.

"Sure, okay."

"You wanna talk about it anytime soon?" She asks and I sigh, my thoughts finally coming back to me.

"What's there to talk about?" I pout and she offers me a sad smile.

"You haven't talked to either of them?"

"Or Jordan." I tell her and she sighs.

"I don't know, he said he would talk to you. He just seems kind of pissed about the whole situation, not just at you." She tries to make me feel better but it's a failed attempt because I know the only thing Jordan is pissed at is me.

"It's been a week, yet it feels like an eternity." I whisper to myself.

"Have you ever gone not talking with Evan for this long?" She asks even though she already knows the answer.

I shake my head, "Never."

She offers me a small smile and Luke turns to me with sympathy in his eyes, "It'll all work out." He tells me.

"Thanks, Luke. You are the only guy apart from my Dad who still seems to be talking to me." I tell him and he laughs, ruffing my hair.

"Well, if you're giving me a choice.." he teases and I dump the popcorn bowl at his head, making him gasp.

"You can walk out now." I give him a cheeky smile and he laughs, shaking his head and letting the popcorns fall.

He stands up from the floor, gives Breanna a kiss and pinches my arm, "I am gonna head out now. Have to take my little sister out." He says and both of us wave at him before he leaves.

"So, still don't wanna talk?" Breanna asks and I sit up, shaking my head.

"Let's talk about you. Are you sure you want to skip an year?" I ask, going back to the conversation we never really bad.

She shrugs, sighing, "I mean, I haven't told Evelyn yet, but Dad knows. It's just something I want to do, explore my options. Luke isn't the only reason." She says and I try to understand where she's coming from.

"But you never considered it before he came along. Have you told him?" I ask and she bites on her lip, shaking her head, "Seriously, Bri? You need to tell him before you make such a major decision about your life."

"Adri, it's not a big deal. Sure, penciling him in is a huge factor but.. I wanna do this." She says.

"Sure?" I ask, arching an eyebrow and she nods.

"Definitely." She breathes so I smile, hugging her.

"I'll supportive you, no matter what. You know that right?" I say and she hugs me back.

"I know." She lets go of me and reads my face, "I'll do the same, and so will he. He's your best friend, Adrianna, and that would never change whether you choose him or not."

I take her words in and nod, "I feel so guilty." I tell her and she gives me a small smile.

"Babe, that's okay. Your life is changing, and it's natural to have guilt but remember that feelings aren't something we have a say in. It happens naturally, I mean — if it weren't for your feelings, you would choose Evan in a heartbeat, won't you?" She says and I nod.

"I would. I might." I breathe, "But something about being with him feels so vague, Bree, I can't explain it." I tell her.

The way I love Evan and the way I love Chris are so different, that even though both are such overwhelming emotions — I can still clearly distinct the two. Being in love with Evan feels natural, like something that was meant to happen, and it did, four years back. My feelings for him didn't come as a surprising jolt, they came at a slow pace where years of attachment built into love.

But being in love with Chris, that feels like someone has shaken away the concept of reality I held. Falling for the school's bad boy is supposed to be restricted to fictions, but my feelings for him came all at once, wrecking through my whole heart. It was unexpected, took my breath away but it also gives me this new sense of passion that I have never felt before.

"You should talk to Evan, Adri. I don't know what's going on between Chris and you, but Evan and you, you both can talk through anything." Breanna says, bringing me back to reality and I nod.

"Thanks, Bri." I tell her and she smiles at me.

We continue to talk for a while before she leaves and I realise how much I miss my father when he's away for work trips. He's been away for four days, and though it's been a week since shit went down, I haven't built up the guts to talk to him about what's going on. And I can't really do it over FaceTime either.

For the first time in ten days, I open my room's window and almost stumble back when I see Evan looking right at me, as if he was waiting for me to just open the window. His face morphs into surprise when he sees me and both of us open our mouths to talk but shut right up.

I sigh, and wave at him, "Hi."

"Hey." He says.

"Can we talk?" I ask and he looks even further surprised by my words.

But he nods, "Sure, what do you want to talk about?"

"Can you come over?" I look at him expectantly and he nods, stepping away from the window.

"Give me ten minutes."

I turn around and close my window before I put my playlist on shuffle to distract myself from the nerves that are building up. When Havana comes on, I smile a little and start lip syncing as I sit down on my bed, putting my phone on the side desk as the song continues to play.

Around three songs finish before Evan knocks on the door as he steps in and smiles as he takes in the sound. I move to shut it before he shakes his head.

"It's okay, let it play." He tells me, "Will probably help with the silence." He tries to joke, earning a look from me in return.

He comes to sit down in front of me on the bed and I stare at him, realising how much I missed his presence, how much I missed really looking at his face.

"Ev—"

"An—"

Both of us start and shut up together before he offers me a sheepish smile and gestures with his hand for me to continue, so I take a deep breath.

"Ev, whatever I said that day, I was incredibly pissed. And a lot of it wasn't fair to you, so I am really sorry." I tell him and he cocks his head to side, studying my face.

He sighs, his hand coming to rest on mine on my lap, "I know you are, that's okay. You were mad at me, and you had every right. I shouldn't have been the one to tell him. I am sorry, An." He says and due to overwhelming turn of events, I can't help when my eyes fill up.

"I am sorry I messed things up between us." I say and he brings his thumb to my cheeks, rubbing my tears but they just keep coming especially with the comfort he provides me.

"It wasn't you, it was me. You didn't do anything wrong. I was too much of an asshole to realise how much I actually feel for you." He whispers, his words just sending bunch of knots in my stomach instead of easing them.

"I love you, Evan. I never said it like that before, but I do. It has been a fucking torture to hide it away." I tell him as I try not to choke on my tears and he scoots closer to me, his palm cupping my cheek as he wipes my tears.

God, why the hell is an emotional song playing in the background? I hate my fucking playlist.

"God, An, I am so sorry." He whispers, resting his forehead against mine and I take in our proximity for the first time.

I just have to lean in and our lips would meet. The way his breath fans over my mouth makes me close my eyes as I take into account my feelings. I was so mad at him for two days, but then I let it go. He thought he was doing the right thing, and I have created a mess myself thinking that it was the right thing.

But sometimes what we think is right is probably the worst we can do.

I am not mad at him.

But, I do love him, I have loved him.

"Can I tell you something?" Evan asks and I nod, opening my eyes.

He sighs, "You'll be mad at me but I swear I didn't know better back then." He says, making me grow nervous.

"What is it?" I pout and his thumb graces my bottom lip.

"Remember the party last year? When you were dating Finn, and got extremely wasted, after which you swore off alcohol." He tries to remind me and I nod.

"Yes, what about it?" I ask but don't move away.

"You thought I was a stranger, you were so shitfaced that you didn't even recognise me. I held you by your waist and you thought I was trying to make a move on you." He continues and I swallow, meeting his eyes as I try to remember.

Holy shit. I really hope he isn't talking about what I think he's talking about.

"And?" I ask.

"You said you were saving yourself for someone," he whispers and I close my eyes, blush erupting on my cheeks immensely because I know exactly what conversation he's talking about.

"Evan.." I trail off, opening my eyes as I stare at him and he's looking at me with so much intensity in his eyes that I lose my breath.

"I should've realised it wasn't you blabbering some nonsense." He says and his eyes wander to my lips, making me gulp.

"Ev." I breathe before our lips connect and my eyes close off on instinct as I kiss him with everything I have.

But something about it, something about it doesn't eases off the knots in my stomach that continue to build as I kiss him, trying to get rid of this heaviness I feel on my heart as he kisses me back. Tears well up in my eyes even more as the realisation of situation dawns upon me. I feel like I am cheating on Chris.

Remember all the things we wanted

Now all the memories they're haunted

We were always meant to say goodbye

One of my favourite songs of all time plays in the background and the lyrics seeps into my ears as I take in the situation but neither of us break off the kiss, because something parting from him sounds incredibly awful.

Even with our face held high

It never would have worked out right

We were never meant for do or die

The irony of the lyrics dawn upon me as Evan's lips trail off my lips to my jaw, to my neck as my hands find his t-shirt, drawing it up before it goes on the floor. He kisses me right back as I reach for his touch, for the familiarity of it, trying to hold onto the love I have for him.

I didn't want us to burn out, I

I didn't come here to hurt you, now I can't stop

A sob leaves me, which makes us both of us stop our actions but neither of us let go, neither us loosen our hold on each other as the song continues to play in the background.

I want you to know

It doesn't matter

Where we take this road

But someone's gotta go

I build up the strength to open my eyes as tears slides down the side of my face. When I look up, Evan is staring right at me with his hazel eyes shining under the little light in the room.

And I want you to know

You couldn't have loved me better

But I want you to move on

So I'm already gone

"I love you, Adrianna." He whispers and I nod, tears spilling through me.

Looking at you makes it harder

But I know that you'll find another

Doesn't always make you want to cry

"I love you, Evan." I tell him and the way he smiles at me, it wrecks through my heart because there's so much hurt beneath it.

It started with the perfect kiss then

We could feel the poison set in

Perfect couldn't keep this love alive

The words remind me of our first kiss that was stolen in complete innocence, back when we didn't have a care in the world. When a tear leaves his eyes, my heart breaks all over again. I haven't seen him crying in years, the sight only makes me feel multiple times more guilt.

Know that I love you so

I love you enough to let you go.

He leans down, hovering his lips above mine and I wait for him to kiss me but he just shakes his head, and moves his face. His lips press down on my forehead, lingering for a few seconds before he moves away hurriedly from top of me.

I continue lying down as I see him picking up his shirt from the floor and moving out of the room, walking away.

As soon as he leaves, sobs rack through me as the song continues to play but at some point, I pick up my phone and smash it against the wall. A frustrated scream leaves me when I realise that all these years of feelings were one-sided because it was never supposed to be the other way.

But I love Chris, god, do I love him? I feel like I cheated on him all this while.

Not giving a care in the world if I become the recent town story, I leave my house in my night clothes that I had been wearing since morning and cross the street, pounding on the door and ringing the doorbell simultaneously.

When the door opens and Chris's familiar face comes in front of my eyes after a week, I bite down on my lower lip to stop myself from turning into a sobbing mess even though it is evident from my tear stained cheeks.

His face turns from confusion to worry when he takes in my expressions but I shake my head, holding up my hand for him to not say a word.

"I know you said you're done with me," I croak, my voice sounding heavy, "And that's okay, I deserve it. But I never wanted to hurt you, Jay."

My palm rubs at my cheek as I try to stop the tears and form full sentences as I stare at him and notice the dark circles under his eyes. He opens his mouth to talk but I shake my head.

"The last thing I wanted was to turn everything into this mess and lose Jordan, Evan and you! Especially you. But you know what last week made me realise, Jay?" I say, and he swallows.

"What?" He asks, and I try not to shed the tears at the sound of his voice.

"You've been so blindsided with the fact that I love him, that you never noticed when I fell in love with you." I whisper, more tears leaving me and I wonder when the hell will I stop crying.

"Claire." He whispers but I shake my head.

"I know, I know you're done and that's okay. I don't want you to repeat it but I just wanted you to know that if I still had the choice, I would have probably messed it up," I tell him the utter truth, "But I can't take this anymore, Jay. I am leaving and I am not sure where I am going, but I am leaving and I am not coming back because you don't deserve this."

His face forms into confusion and I laugh through my tears humourlessly, "You're probably wondering what am I doing here? I came to apologise. I am so damn sorry, I never wanted to hurt you. But your father was right, it was inevitable.

"But I just want you to know I am so sorry Chris." I tell him.

He doesn't say anything and I give him a small smile before I turn around and walk away, taking my shattered heart with me.

•••

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