It's been two days already.

How the fuck has it been two days already?

Or the right question is — how has it just been two days when it feels like an eternity has passed over? I haven't talked to Evan ever since he asked me to choose him, right after we kissed. I haven't talked to Jordan either, but it wasn't out of choice, it was because he didn't want to be anywhere around me.

As for Chris, he hasn't been to school in two days.

I couldn't muster up enough strength to go to his place and confess, which is why right now I am sitting at the bleachers, getting flashbacks of what happened at the football ground two days ago. Apart from Chris, Jordan is the only person who knows this is where I will be.

None of those two would look for me, so it's safe to say no one would find me.

As for Luke and Breanna, they have been concerned for me but I have assured them that I am fine. Because I am fine – I mean, it's not like anyone died. There are worse things happening in the world and this is just part of my life. But they have given me my space when I have asked for it.

How long will I seat here thinking about how fucked up my life has become?

I have exhausted all my tears ever since Chris broke up with me. Honestly, I never thought that our break up would impact me this way – because in the past, I didn't give two shits about the break up, especially with Finn. Although I did feel a little guilty when Adam was hurt because I was too obsessed with my feelings of Evan to care for him.

So, the hurt of losing Chris like this comes as an absolute shock to me. I miss him, I miss him so fucking much – I miss how he was so fucking carefree around me, how he talked to me about why he wants to be a lawyer.

A lawyer helped him with his mother's case, and just like that, he wanted to help people. I miss having him my bed while the two of us just lied next to each other in absolute silence and contentment.

I miss his face. I miss his smile. I even miss his tongue piercing.

I have gone nuts.

I stand up from the bleachers and make my way back in the school, looking for a gum in my bag since I skipped lunch again. My phone vibrates but I ignore it, aware that it would be Evan wanting to know why I am ignoring him.

Due to my horrible multi-tasking skills, I end up bumping into someone but at least I find a piece of gum. When I look at the person, my blood turns cold when I notice the very familiar red head. Her eyes meet mine and she looks just as surprised to see me.

"Rose." I say, and she stares at me.

"Adrianna." She nods in a hostile manner, but what did I expect – a hug and kiss on the cheek?

"How are you?" I ask, setting my backpack on my shoulders as I fidget a little nervously and she gives me a deadpanned look.

"Seriously? Is that all you have to say to me?" She scoffs and I swallow.

"Look, Rose, I didn't even know when you guys broke up, he told me a little later and didn't tell me the reason for a while. But when he did, I felt horrible and I am sorry about it." I breathe and she continues to stare at me.

"That doesn't make it alright."

I nod, agreeing, "I know it doesn't, there's nothing I can do to make it right. But still, I am incredibly sorry."

She gives me a look, arching an eyebrow, "Are you?"

I kind of am, I really am sorry about her breakup with Evan because before then, my life was simplified but ever since he realised he might have feelings for me — my life has gone downhill in so many ways. I never thought I would say this, but things were simpler when they were dating.

"Is there anything I can do to make you realise that I am?" I ask and she shrugs, shaking her head.

"I don't think so, but there's something I want to get out of the way," she breathes, meeting my eyes, "I never liked Chris."

I seem taken aback with her words, scowling deeply, "What?"

She clears her throat, "I might have given that vibe once or more than once, but I didn't. It's just that, Chris is this popular figure in our school, and I just get easily intimidated." She says and I can't help but empathise with her as I nod.

"I understand." I tell her and she nods before walking away.

A breath of relief leaves me at her departure and I make way to the class. I have homeroom for the last two classes, so I plan on skipping that and walking home. The rest of the day goes uneventful as I ignored Evan in one class we had together and paid no attention in the rest of them.

After I get back home early, my phone beeps and I notice that it's a message from Evan again.

I groan as I look at our chatbox because I have never gone two days ignoring him like this. But the last two days, I've been trying to figure out how I feel but the thought of losing either of them hurts me beyond words which makes me so incredibly selfish.

When the doorbell rings, I almost startle at the sound of it. But weaving a hand through my hair, I make my way to open the door.

My brain goes into a mush when I find Chris standing on the other side, staring down at me with an unreadable expression. He was the last person I was expecting to show up like this.

"Hey." I say and step aside for him to come inside.

He gets inside the living room but doesn't take a seat as he stands in the middle of it and continues to stare at me, but then his jaw twitches slightly, making me nervous.

"I am going to ask you something, just once. I need you to answer with yes or no, that's it." He says, his voice cold and harsh, making me swallow as I nod.

Did Jordan tell him already? God, I hope not.

"Did you kiss him two weeks before we started dating?" He asks and my blood turns cold as I stare at him blankly, not conjuring up enough strength to answer him.

"I—" I try to speak but fail miserably which only makes his expression twist with anger.

"Yes or no." He says, standing five feet away from me and I gulp.

"Yes." I whisper, hoping that he misses it but when I look at the expression on his face, I know that he heard me alright.

He doesn't bother replying to me as he sprints for the door but I catch his wrist in my grasp, stopping him as he turns to glare at me.

"I can explain." I say, trying to live down the look of disgust on his face as he sees me.

He snatches his wrist away from my touch but turns to me, "Explain."

What? I never expected him to listen to me without any sort of conviction but it's like he's mocking me right now. My chest hurts as I take in the situation we are in right now because I never expected it.

"He was trying to figure his feelings out because of the fight that led to his breakup. He wanted to make sure that he felt nothing for me." I stutter, keeping my eyes anywhere but at him as I try to explain him exactly what happened.

Chris's face forms into confusion as he scowls at me, "What? He kissed you?" He asks and I nod.

"Yeah, it was the day after that party at Sam's, I guess." I tell him and he fists his hand by his side.

"Two days before that I love you shit that went down by the lockers?" He asks and I pale at how good his memory is, because I didn't expect him to remember the details but when I nod, he scoffs, "You weren't bothered about their words, you were so messed up because he had kissed you a few days ago. Makes sense now."

There's something extremely sad as well as mocking behind the way he's speaking as I gulp, trying not to let the tears spill at the sight of him in front of me because I never thought he'll even talk to me.

"Jay—" I begin but he holds up his hand, cutting me off.

"It's Chris." He says, and his words almost shatter me at that.

"Chris, I never told you because it just didn't concern me, it concerned him too." I try to come up with words but fail again and again as he continues to look at me like he's looking at a stranger.

"Don't give me that bullshit!" He snaps, "Don't think I'm naive enough to buy that bullshit that it wasn't your place to tell because it damn right was! He might have initiated the kiss but you kissed him back. And you never once mentioned it to me. But I am so fucking stupid. I should have seen it. I should have known!"

He pulls at his hair and my tears spill at his harsh tone as I take it in, because I deserve this, I really do.

"You know Adrianna! You fought with me when I didn't tell you about Stacey and she didn't even mean shit to me while you were being a damn hypocrite. You kissed someone you love and forgot to mention it to your boyfriend whom you claim to have feelings for!" He says, his voice balanced but his tone so sharp that it almost cuts through me.

I wipe my tears at the back of my hand as I look at him, his grey eyes swirling with so much rage as he looks ta me but I muster up the strength to speak up, "There was nothing going on between us when it happened, I never cheated on you. I promise. I would never do that! And I do have feelings for you, Chris, you know I do. It was just one kiss, I swear!" I try but he glares at me in return.

"It was one kiss with the guy you have been in love with since you were fourteen. Who are you shitting right now, Adrianna, me or yourself?" He snaps and the tears start coming one after another.

"You know how much I hated talking about myself, we had nothing going on back then and it fucking hurt me, a lot. I closed off that kiss as a no-go zone, Jay. Please understand, it wasn't easy for me to talk about it. And I didn't want you to judge me." I finally try to explain my side but it's like he has turned a deaf ear towards me.

"We had been dating, you had thousand of chances to tell me that, why the hell did you not?" He yells.

"I just told you why I didn't!" I yell back out of frustration and he looks away from me.

"Well, it's not good of an explanation. You could have at least come up to me after the breakup and told me! That's the least you could have done." He accuses and I nod, agreeing with him.

"I am sorry, I am sorry I never told you because I don't think I agreed that I am at fault, but I am. I shouldn't have hid it from you, at least not after we were together and I am so incredibly sorry about that. But you haven't been to school in two days and I wanted to ask Jordan for more time—"

He cuts me off with a deep scowl, "Jordan knows?"

My face pales at his question as I stare at him, "Who told you?" I ask, so fucking afraid of what his response would be.

"Evan." He says, and I can't help the irritation and anger that builds inside me towards that guy. "How does Jordan know?"

"He overheard Evan and I talking." I tell him and he nods, but then his face turns into a thinking mode as he looks at me.

"How many times have you and him kissed? Including your first kiss!" He says and I shake my head, but he continues to glare at me to fess up an answer.

"Three." I breathe and his face turns into complete annoyance.

"When was the third time?" He asks, but I refuse to answer, "When was the third damn time, Adrianna?" He yells.

"Day before yesterday." I say and his eyes turns into slits as he looks at me.

"When!" He demands and I try to flinch at his tone.

"After your fight." I say and he laughs, a humourless laugh that seems to send chills through me.

He turns to me completely, sobering up as he stares right into my eyes, "We are done." He whispers and I frown.

"What?" I ask, fear gripping me.

"I don't care if you choose him or not, we are done." He says but before I can even protest after comprehending his words, he leaves my house.

When I wrap his words fully around my head, I fall down down on my knees as sobs leave through me one after another.

We are done.

God, it hurts. It hurts so much, almost more than the aftermath of kissing Evan those months ago. I have never experienced this much hurt, not when I have fights with my friends, not when Rose and Evan started dating — never at all.

It's almost like I am in —

I am in love with Chris.

I am in love with Chris.

The confession racks more sobs through me than I imagined but I have been so blinded by my confused feelings that I've missing something so evident. Of course, I love him. I do, so much.

He's the first guy who made me feel as important, he's the first guy who saw me for me, and not for something else. But that's now why I feel this way for him — I fell in love with him because he opened up to me despite the barriers he has created between himself and the rest of the world, and because despite everything, he has respected my feelings over and over again which almost everyone has failed to do.

When the front door opens, it almost goes missing by me but then I feel the familiar presence of Evan, which makes me question my feelings for Chris, but I don't know what the hell is wrong with me.

Is it alright to love two people at once?

That thought doesn't come without the frustrating guilt and I wipe my tears at the back of my palm before I stand up from the floor to notice Evan who looks so fucking worried as he sees me.

"What's wrong?" He asks and I glare at him through my tears.

"Why the fuck would you do that?" I yell at him and he frowns at me.

"What?"

I step closer to him, pushing at his chest which makes him stumble a little before he composes his balance, "You know what! You told him, you had no fucking right to tell him!"

His face pales at my words, "An, you kept ignoring me ever since Jordan sprung that over your head! I had to do something." He tries to reason but even he knows that's bullshit.

"Was it fun for you? Rubbing it in his face that I kissed you? That I am in love with you?" I yell and his eyes widen as he shakes his head.

"You know that's not why I did it."

I glare at him, "Then why did you!" I snap.

"Because I knew you would never be able to!" He yells back and I blink at him, "I know you An, I know you wouldn't have ever been able to face him if you confessed to it. So I did what I had to do."

I shake my head, stepping out of his grasp on my arms, "That's bullshit, Evan. You had no fucking right."

"I did, I do have every damn right because I want to be with you and if I have to do that again, I would!"

His words shut me up but then I mumble up the only question I want an answer to, "Why now?" I ask.

He frowns, "What?"

"Why do you want to be with me now, Evan? What changed?" I repeat and he scowls at me, taking a step closer but I take a step back, noticing the pain in his eyes at my action.

"I—"

A humourless laugh leaves me, "You were happy with your girlfriend, Evan! And suddenly, Chris comes into my life and you turn into this jealous guy whom I don't even recognise anymore. You tell me you like me, Evan but I think it's for all the wrong reasons. You never saw me any other way until their was a threat of another guy swooping in and when Chris came in my life, that's exactly what happened. You saw a challenge, and you felt like you had to win this game which you made up in your head, a game where I am supposed to be yours.

Do you even realise what that did to my feelings? I have been in love with you since we were fourteen, Evan! Fourteen. That's like four years and not even for a second you bothered to think about how your actions or the way you wanted me for all the wrong reasons is going to affect me. You thought of yourself, Ev! And the guy who was my best friend, the guy I fell in love with, he was a jerk sometimes, but never enough to disrespect my feelings for his own pride."

The silence that follows after my words is almost too deafening but the way he stares at me, with so much disappointment, I feel like someone's trashing on my already broken into bits heart.

"I never thought you could think so low of me." He whispers with a sad smile on his face, "But that's okay, I probably deserve this. But I do love you, An. Remember that." He says before turning around and walking away.

•••

this was supposed to be a longer chapter but then too much would happen all at once, so i've decided to write the other half of this in another chapter. would update that soon. x

what do you guys think of the story so far?

also, TeamChris or TeamEvan?

vote. comment. support. x