Chris pulls up outside Sam's house and I take deep breaths, my head hitting the back of the seat as I force back the tears that are brimming my eyes as I let the realisation of everything hit me. Why the hell did she sent me that email? Did her heart not shatter into pieces before even trying to contact me? Fuck!

I run a shaky hand through my hair as I let the numbness take me over. I want to go home, right this moment but then everyone would start questioning me and that's the last thing I want. So, I suck it up and step outside. I am wearing shorts and red plain t-shirt, which I think passes for a house party, along with my sneakers.

"There they are." Jordan points at Evan's car as he steps out, moving to open Rose's side of the door, and I snort.

Chris eyes me at my reaction, and I roll my eyes. Evan is the least of my problems right now, although I do want to hug him and cry for hours like all those years ago when I finally learned the truth about my mother. But, this isn't the place for that, especially when he's with his girlfriend.

Breanna and Luke also come over to where we are standing and together, all of us make our way inside the house. I wonder sometimes what happened to Jordan and Chris's famous popular group, because they seem to hang out with us a lot. Evan always fluctuated between hanging with Breanna and I, and them. But now it's like we are a group of friends – and I like it, but I am just curious.

"You okay?" Chris asks near my ear, so that only I could hear and I nod at him.

"Yeah." I say, forcing a smile.

I feel his hand on my back as we are hit by the smell of alcohol lacing the air. The whole team cheers as they look at their three players, and I turn around to get myself a soda, but Chris's hand stops me from moving. I frown at him, but he's smiling and talking to his friends as his fingers move down to intertwine with mine. I ignore the feeling that tries to overwhelm me as he holds my hand like that, like it's something we usually do – but we don't.

He's distracted as two boys come over to join the conversation about today's game. I take that as an advantage and slip out of his grip. Sam's house is big, and I don't even have to wonder why – if he's throwing a party that means that his parents are loaded pretty well.

I move into the kitchen and find myself a can of soda, before pulling out my earplugs from my back pocket and moving between the packed house, the loud music turning even louder. It takes me a few minutes to figure it out, but I finally find my way to the back of the house. I am pretty impressed to find the deck, overlooking the greenery at the back of the house.

There are very few people out here, only three to four people, and I am thankful. A vacant chair is lying there, so I occupy it before putting my playlist on the shuffle, and closing my eyes. I deliberately didn't play the sad song play list, because I don't want to cause a scene at the party.

I am on the tenth song, I think when I finally open the mail again and reread all over again, my eyes looming over each and every word as I gulp, trying to think of something – anything that I would want to say to her. I have a lot, actually, but I don't know how to do it. And before I do anything at all, I want to tell my father about this.

It wouldn't be fair to him if I just do this on my own, because he's my family, my only family and if this concerns me, it concerns him too. I must have read the mail over fifteen times when someone pulls out the buds from my ears.

I look upto find a very pissed looking Chris, "What the hell are you doing here?" He asks.

A frown etches over my face, "What I usually do at parties?" I offer, trying to make sense of why he's pissed.

He scowls at me, before taking an empty chair and that's when I realise that we are all alone on the deck. He sighs, running a hasty hand through his hair. He has actually managed to mess his hair up today doing that a lot.

"I have been freaking out looking for you all over the house from last hour." He says, making my insides jump at the thought of him worrying about me.

"Why were you looking for me?" I ask.

"Because you disappeared?" He says as if it's the obvious explanation.

"Well, you found me now. Go, party and get wasted." I say, and immediately realise that I am being a bitch to him right now, something I haven't been since we have started hanging out together.

His worried eyes now turn cold as he glares at me, "What the fuck is wrong with you?" He asks.

I shake my head at him, "I just don't want to talk to you." I snap.

He scowls, "Claire, what's wrong?"

"Take a hint, Jones. Go away." I snap, my patience wearing thin. I don't want to be around anyone right now, mostly because I knew this is how it will go and I don't want to take out my frustration on others – simply because it isn't fair to them, especially not to him who has been worried about me.

Chris shoots me a glare before pushing back his chair and turning to go back inside but I curse under my breath and catch his hand, "Wait, I am sorry, I am being a bitch."

He eyes me and I know he would have flipped me off if it weren't evident that obviously some shit is up. So he turns to me completely, "Something's up with you."

I take a shaky breath before mentally making a decision and offer him my phone. He frowns but then looks down at the screen, he must have read the first sentence because he sits back down and reads through the mail. When he's done, he looks up at me, his eyes dark as he opens his mouth to say something but then closes it right back.

"Is that your.." He trails off, and I nod.

"My mother? Yup."

He scowls, before looking down at the phone again, then he looks up at me, "It was a shitty move to contact you by mail. The least she could have done is showed you her face."

I laugh bitterly, "I think it's better that she didn't. I don't know how I would have reacted, I mean even the idea makes me shudder."

He nods, offering me back my phone and I take it back, keeping it on my lap. A silence passes over, but it's not awkward or uncomfortable, it's a silence where we both have nothing to say, I know he wants to comfort me – but even he must be aware that words give very little assurance.

I am lost in my thoughts when he scoots his chair closer to me and I realise that our chairs are touching each other by now, and my legs are between his as he takes my hand and looks up at me, "Vent it out." He whispers to me and I shake my head.

"It's not easy, Jay." I tell him.

"I understand, but tell me what can I do to make you feel better? You obviously don't want to talk about it." He says and I offer him a smile.

"Last time we were at a party, we disliked each other too much and now you're trying to lighten up my mood. Who would have thought?" I say, and he grins.

"I didn't really dislike you, you just annoyed the hell out of me." He tells me before continuing, "Still do, by the way."

I laugh but then I look at him, "I have never met her, you know?" I say and he gives my hand a squeeze, making my stomach turn into knots, "Sometimes I feel like.. what if she was there in my life? But the other times, I feel like I have my father, and he has done so much for me, almost everything to make me not miss her even for a bit."

He nods, "I didn't have the best luck in mother's department either." He says, which shocks me, because Chris never talks about himself, like ever.

"At least you must have met her?"

"Trust me, I would love to trade places with you, I wish I had never." He laughs but it's humourless.

"That bad?" I ask, and he nods.

"The worst." He whispers and then looks into my eyes, "You going to reply to her?" He asks.

I shrug, "I am going to talk to my father first." He nods, and I look up in the sky. "You know I am a good listener, right?" I offer.

He smiles, "You don't have to say, Claire, I know you'll be there if I ever want to vent. And you should know that I'll be here too."

"Progress." I state and he laughs.

"Oh by the way, Caitlyn tried to make a move on me." He says, amusement behind his eyes and I frown, not liking the way the thought of Caitlyn and him makes me feel.

"Really?" I ask.

"Yup, I was looking in the kitchen for you, and she tried to apologise and say things like we should go into the guest room and shit like that. I just threw her a dirty look before getting out." He shrugs.

"Jay refused sex, how the hell did that happen?" I gasp dramatically and he gives me a look.

"I am not that desperate."

"Sure." I grin.

He looks around and then back at me, "Is this what do you do at parties? Come back out and listen to music?" He asks.

I nod, "Yup. Partying isn't really my scene."

"So far, you've broken literally every stereotype I had in my mind about you – you have a dirty mouth, you curse more than I do, and you sure as hell aren't a nerd. But you don't party, so that's a new." He gives me an amusing smile and I laugh.

"Is that a challenge, Jay?"

He shrugs, "Just saying."

"I don't like to drink." I tell him before my thoughts from earlier come into my mind, "Hey, now that you hang out with us all the time, what happened to your old friends?"

Honestly, I am a little glad that Chris found me here, because I surely would have ended up crying if I was alone for this long. He's serving a distraction, in fact, I am enjoying talking to him like this, because he doesn't say much. We usually just annoy each other for fun, and that's just it. When we are working on the biology paper, we usually just talk about school. So, this is new.

"They weren't really friends, just guys from the team, and the girls were Caitlyn's friends. The whole group had their on-off make out sessions within themselves, and while I was dating Caitlyn I tolerated it, but now that we aren't together, I am not forced to hang out with that group." He explains and I nod.

We talk for another half an hour, it's mostly him talking about his life with Caitlyn. They dated for around three months before all this shit went down. I listen to him patiently, and I know that he liked her genuinely at some point but he seems to be over her now.

"You wanna head inside?" He asks, and I think about it before sighing.

"Sure."

We make our way inside the house and immediately spot Evan and Rose dancing together, well, more like grinding into each other. It feels like someone just stabbed my heart about ten times as I look at them, and then immediately avert my eyes away. Chris takes ahold of my hand, giving it a light squeeze and I sigh. My eyes move over to Jordan who's hanging out with the rest of the team and Chris and I walk over to them. I try to get the image of Evan and Rose out of my head as I shakily take in a breath.

"Chris! Our man." Sam says, coming over with a red cup in his hand that he offers him. He's just another guy on the team, average looking, but tall.

Chris looks at me and I frown, is he not going to drink just because I don't? I give out an amused smile, "Oh please don't stop on my account. Go on, drink." I say and he gives me a small before taking the class and bringing it to his lips.

It's not like I am against drinking, because I am definitely not. I just hate the taste of it, and I don't like drunken mistakes, because I have made a lot of them.

Jordan notices me and offers me a seat by his side so I make my way over there, sitting by his side. He shoots me a smile, "Where were you?" He asks, and I know that he's not drunk, but he's definitely had a few drinks.

"Around." I say, and he nods, not saying anything further.

Breanna and Luke come into my sight and when her eyes find me, she immediately gasps and yanks my arm, making me stand up as she yells, "We are going to dance." She says and I laugh.

"No fucking way." I retreat my steps back to the couch.

Ryan whistles, and I know that by now the whole team is looking at me, "C'mon, Brooks, we have never seen you dance at any parties, or even seen you in the house. You just come, and then disappear." He remarks and I shoot him a look.

"I am not dancing, if you just want to see someone dance, look right there, plenty of people dancing." I point to the middle of the room where everyone is dancing.

Rose and Evan have come back from grinding against each other and are now gathered around with everyone else. Thankfully, Caitlyn is nowhere in sight because the last thing I want is her to cause me more troubles.

"C'mon, Adri. Don't hide your talent from the world now, I have seen you move." Breanna whines and I smack her head.

"That's because you're my best friend, you idiot. What we do at sleep overs is supposed to be a secret." I say through gritted teeth and she smirks.

"Come, I'll dance with you." Jordan offers and I give him a look. Traitor.

It's not like I can't dance, I know that I can do it pretty well, but like I told Chris, I don't like partying, and dancing is definitely a part of it. But the way everyone is eyeing me, my friend almost pleading me, I roll my eyes. To hell with it. I had my enough share of problems today, and I definitely need a distraction, so I might as well party for fuck's sake.

"Well, if I am going to break any rules, I want a drink first." I say and Chris gives me an amused look while Evan looks at me with confusion. I have only had couple of drinks in the past, and while I am not a lighthead, I definitely don't like the taste of alcohol. "Also, it should be strong – like really strong." I say.

I know I am taking a leap decision right now, but I am tired of playing by the rules. Life hasn't been fair to me so far, so I might as well be reckless. Ryan grins and offers me a red cup. I do the mistake of smelling the drink and it definitely burns my nostrils with the fucking smell of liquor. It's hard liquor, and I know it's a mixed drink, and full glass, filled till the top.

Everyone is looking at me, so I snap, "Stop looking at me like that."

Well, now everyone is busy with themselves but my group of friends are still staring at me, so I gulp down at least one fourth of the glass in one go. It burns my insides, like literally but I close my eyes and call out for Ryan.

"What the fuck did you give me?" I ask and he shrugs.

"You said strong, so I mixed tequila, vodka and bourbon."

Chris shoots him a glare, "You fucking serious?"

Ryan looks afraid but I shoot him a smile, "Thanks buddy."

I down the glass till half, and by now, I am aware that Jordan is beyond amused, Chris and Evan both look very pissed, Rose looks annoyed at Evan, and Luke and Breanna are just watching me with worried faces. My feet are tapping against the floor. I am not drunk, definitely not drunk, but I might be by the end of finishing this glass.

I mean, it's hard liquor – cocktail on top of that, and filled in the large red cup. Also, I don't have the best tolerance for alcohol. Within next few minutes, I down the rest of contents, the burning of my throat still there before I move to Jordan.

"Come on, let's dance." I say and he nods, taking my hand and leading me to the middle of the room.

He keeps his hand on my waist and I lock my hands behind his neck as we start swaying, the upbeat music giving me life as I move my hips to the rhythm and then my hands are in the air, and I move my whole body with the music, Jordan totally in sync with me. Fuck, he's a good dancer. I am not afraid of drunk dancing with him, because he's my friend, and I trust him and secondly, he's gay so he wouldn't try to take advantage of me.

When two songs end, I stop and Jordan grins at me, pecking my forehead and we make our way to the group again. Well, it's safe to say that everyone saw us dancing – the whole team and my group of friends. Ryan is the first to whistle, and that is followed by hollering, making me roll my eyes.

"Fuck, you can move." Sam says, and I turn to him, grinning.

"That, that was much better than I have seen you do in the past when we go crazy chicks on each other." Breanna tells me with a huge grin on her face and I wink.

"Probably the effects of alcohol." I shrug, my head is a little foggy by now but when I look at Chris, his lips are parted a little as he's staring at me with that intense gaze of his.

My cheeks immediately flame up as I try to look away but his gaze is too strong. I hear a voice and that's finally when I move my gaze from Chris. Rose is calling out Evan's name, but my best friends seems to be in a daze as he's staring at me, almost a hint of annoyance present in his features.

Evan finally looks at Rose whose gaze follows to me. She curses before turning around to walk away, her boyfriend immediately following behind her. I shake my head and when I look back at where Chris was, I realise that he's actually standing in front of me now.

"You can dance." He states and I grin.

"Thanks?"

He shakes his head at me and I hear someone call beer pong loudly and Chris turns to me, "Wanna play?" He asks and I nod.

I am already dizzy by now, what better time to play drunk games?

•••

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