I'm trapped in my own little world of anxiety and fear.

6 days have come and gone since Joseph attacked me. 6 days of being afraid of my shadow.

I see him in my dreams. I feel the barrel of the gun pressed to my temple everywhere I go. My dad and brothers treat me like glass and I suppose in one way or another I am. For the most part I stayed in my room bundled up in a sweatshirt Beau gave me lost in thought. The boys often came and sat with me, just keeping me company.

Dad and Alex kept reminding me that I was safe and I so wanted to believe them but a thought stayed firmly at the back of my brain I'll never be safe.

I knew that this life was too good to be true. I knew that I would never be safe from my past. It was stupid for me to believe that in the first place.

You can't outrun your demons.

Especially when your demons are all around you.

Every time I closed my eyes I saw Dad and Hayden's terrified faces.

It's all my fault.

I was sitting at the edge of the bed staring off into space when I heard a knock on the door."Hey Thea want some company?" Alex asked gently. I didn't respond but he took it upon himself to pull me into his lap. We sit like that for a while. Alex whispering sweet nothings in my ear and me sitting there with a far off look in my eye

"I'm scared Alex." I whispered surprising me and my brother. "Thea sweet heart you're safe here we told you." He said kindly.I shook my head "Not of Joseph. I'm scared of what could of happened that night."

His grip on my small body tightens

"I was scared too. I was scared of losing you. We just got you Thea, we can't lose you yet sweet girl." I shake my head again "I was not scared of what could happen to me. I was scared of what could have happened to Dad or Hayden or you." He pulls me away to look at my face."Thea you don't need to worry about Dad or your brothers. You're the baby here, it's our job to worry about you." He tells me sternly

"But if someone had gotten hurt that night it would have been all my fault Alex." Tears flow down my face and I am sent into a storm of guilt and fear and desperation to feel safe.Alex rocks back and forth shushing me

"It's all my fault. It's all my fault." I sobbed into his shirt.After a while of comfort my sobs dwindled into sniffles and hiccups."Thea look at me." Alex says soft but sternly. I wipe you runny nose with my sleeve and look up at my oldest brother

"None of this is your fault." He wipes away a stray tear and kisses my forehead."None of this is your fault." He repeats in a whisper. I don't respond and put my face into the crook of his neck.

"It's not your fault Thea it's not your fault it's not your fault." He repeats over and over and I'm sure his words are more for him than for me. I feel a warmth on my shoulder and realize Alex was crying.

My eyes widen and I pull back to look at my brothers teary face "Please don't cry Alex..." I muttered wiping away the moisture on his cheeks. "I'm so sorry Thea. None of this is your fault." Alex mummers.

I look down at my lap. "I'm sorry I brought all these problems into your lives." Alex lifts my chin so our matching blue orbs meet.

"You didn't bring any problems into our lives. Do you know how much happier we all have been since you've been here? The twins actually want to be home now, I've never seen Drew so happy, Hayden's whole world now revolves around you, Dad is the happiest he's been in years and you pulled me out of a dark time. You don't even know how much you saved me Thea. I'll explain more when your older but just know that you probably saved my life. We love you so much little Thea. You complete our family."

When he finished his rant I hugged his as tight as I could. "I love you too." I mumbled into the crook of his neck. "I love you too." I don't know how long we stayed in this position but it was long enough for the room to get darker and someone to call us for dinner. I was far from okay but I now knew of a new strength I possessed.

My family.

Edited 7/26/20