《The Hopeful, The Hardheaded and the Homework》Chapter Seventeen: Confessions and Courage : Enoch
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Enoch was caught between a rock and a hard place. Though admittedly, there were a lot worse problems to have. It wasn't that he didn't want any kind of relationship with Olive per se, he meant exactly what he said, who knew why he'd said it, he didn't know why she would have even wanted him. He didn't exactly try to be likeable. No, it wasn't that he thought she'd say no or that he didn't like the idea of knowing that he could call her his girlfriend. He just didn't know how to tell her.
So when she said he was his if he'd have her, Enoch froze and stared at her. He could actually feel his heart beat, seemingly unnaturally loud in the silence between them and his pride swelled just that little bit.
He hated the thought of anyone else getting to be with her, or thinking that they were good enough to have a chance. He had a possessive nature, he wasn't denying that, he wanted everyone to know that Olive was not an option, or someone they could get away with making fun of. If Olive hadn't actively been trying to stop him, he may have socked Golan or Bentham quite happily. But he wanted them to know that without thinking that Enoch actually cared for and about her. She was right, Olive was always right about him, when she said that he thought pretending not to care made things better. He still thought that. Only now he was less sure that he could have both.
Damn it all.
Perhaps it was strange, how much easier he found it to just kiss her to show her that he cared, than it was to try and say it. Saying it made it definite. He held her green eyes with his blue and swallowed. And then Olive suddenly moved, breaking the eye contact and looking down at her feet instead. She thought he wasn't going to say anything. He could see it in the way the corners of her mouth fell just a little bit, and heard it in her voice as she tossed her ginger hair over her shoulder.
"Alright, well, when you make up your mind, Enoch."
She turned, and immediately, Enoch moved too. He shot out his hand to reach for her wrist and caught her fingers instead before she could go more than a few steps. "Olive, wait."
It was the first time he'd reached for her instead, and hadn't shied away from touching her hand and he dropped her fingers as soon as she turned back to him, the ever present hope still flickering behind her eyes as plain as ever.
"Yeah, alright? Yeah, I would. Now for the love'a all fings good, don' make me say it again." He could feel the blood rushing to his face and colouring his pale skin as he tried to come across a good deal more confident than he felt.
Olive's smile seemed to go on forever as she beamed so happily it was all Enoch could do to not stare. Yes, he wanted to be the only one to get to see her smile quite so brightly but did have to say it out loud?
Then before he knew what was happening, she had hopped up on her toes and kissed him full on the mouth in the otherwise empty school corridor. He was so caught off guard by it that when Olive stepped back, her skin so red it clashed violently with her hair, he was still staring wide eyed at her like she had momentarily gone mad.
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"Bloody 'ell..."
"I'm sorry...I shouldn't have just done that. But...no one was around and..." Olive trailed off, still smiling almost giddily, Enoch thought before he looked over his shoulder to be sure that they had in fact been alone. There was happy, and then there was daring to kiss Enoch during school where someone might see and he would close up immediately-happy.
"I 'ardly even said nofin'..."
"It was plenty enough, Enoch."
xxxXxxx
It was as though the elephant in the room that had filled the space between them whenever Enoch and Olive were left alone, had finally vanished. More or less. Gone was the awkward need for a conversation Enoch had never wanted to have about whatever the hell they were to each other. While outwardly, little changed, save perhaps the proximity in which they sat sometimes, it was like an enormous weight had been lifted off Enoch's chest. At least one of the weights but that was all he was inclined to deal with at once.
Olive had waved him goodbye at the bus today as Enoch walked instead in the direction of the funeral parlour. She'd assumed very correctly that Enoch wouldn't be the most appreciate of a kiss on the cheek that he wouldn't have been surprised about given her recent reaction, and instead had touched his arm lightly as he left by himself.
"Enoch, hold up!"
He barely turned his head to see Hugh jogging to catch up with him.
"What are ya doin? Ya don' go this way."
"Not home, but who says I'm going home?"
Hugh fell into step with him and Enoch just rolled his eyes in response, shoving his hands into his pockets as he walked.
"If ya gonna harass me wiv questions, don' bother."
"Just one question then."
Enoch shot him a glare out of the corner of his eye while Hugh adjusted the cap on his head.
"What are you doing?"
"What's 'at s'posed ta mean?"
"With Olive, you know exactly what I mean. Come on, you're not at subtle as you think you are, mate. You don't get ticked off on behalf of someone you don't care about."
Enoch stopped in the middle of the pavement and glared at the other boy who was looking at him oddly seriously for a change. Sure, Hugh knew, and Emma and probably Millard by now but that didn't mean they needed to quiz him about it.
"Don' believe every rumour, Hugh, c'mon." He glowered at the pavement. He shouldn't have been surprised that Bentham's cronies were spreading it around the school, and nor should he have cared.
"I don't, but I believe my eyes. Are you a thing yet or not?"
"I don't see how that's any'a ya business."
Hugh sighed and Enoch immediately shrugged off the hand he clapped on his shoulder.
"Because that's what friends do, give each other a hard time about the girl they're clearly into until they stop being a stubborn git and ask the girl out."
"Lay off. Nofin' ta do wiv you." Enoch stared impassively ahead, wiping his face of any emotion at all that would portray how deeply annoyed he was getting with people, anyone really, talking about it.
"How anyone ever gets through to you I'll never know. Well done, Olive." Hugh rolled his eyes and shoved Enoch with an elbow as they stopped at the road. "Just do it already, mate."
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Enoch could not have been more relieved when Hugh turned the corner and left him on his way then. He was so distracted and annoyed that he only narrowly avoided stepping right out in front of a car and being the next body through the funeral parlour.
By the time he stepped through the door to the parlour and dropped his bag in the office, his father was snapping off a pair of rubber gloves and stepping out of the cool, back room just as Enoch was coming to join him.
"Uh no, not just yet, Enoch..."
Enoch paused mid step and raised an eyebrow as he slumped back against the door as his father raised an unusually stern eyebrow at him. "You're doin' your maths homework first where I can make sure ye doin' it. Back in there."
"I don' 'ave any." Enoch lied. It was a stupid lie which his father saw through immediately. They already knew how behind he was anyway, now he was just looking to be controversial.
"Don't tell me that. I know 'ow much catch up ye 'ave ta do. Get back in there. I'm not 'avin' ya fail the 'ole term." He nodded back into the office and Enoch just glowered at him. But there was no arguing that wouldn't get him into more trouble than it was worth and so he relented and slammed the office door behind him none too gently.
It wasn't that he wanted to fail a class, though he was already failing one and was only scraping by in English, it was just that the more trouble he got into and the more he heard from his parents about it, the less he was inclined to do better. In fact, Enoch downright hated it.
He drummed his pen against his textbook as fast as his foot had begun to tap on the floor like he did when something stressed him out. Left alone, but not completely unwatched, in the office he groaned and muttered curses under his breath as he tried in vain to focus on the numbers and letters swimming in front of his eyes. He didn't want to be good at it, he didn't even want to try.
He was more at home sketching made up creations, or even with a scalpel in his hand. It was part of the reason people thought he was freakish and a large part of the reason he'd had no friends for most of his life. Who wanted to like the boy whose father arranged funerals and embalmed bodies? With a boy who was so used to the sight of death that he was more comfortable with the dead than the living?
But he had never cared about that either. So what if he was weird and morbid. That was his prerogative, not theirs.
Enoch ran a hand over his face and through his curls before letting his pen fall back to the paper and picking up his phone instead. He had meant to plug himself into his music and let that try and calm his mind that just wouldn't slow down and focus on one thing. But he just stared at the stock photo background of a burning skull for several seconds before his thumb seemed to move of its own accord to the messages icon instead.
Olive Elephanta was the last person he'd texted and he just stared at her name for a long moment before clicking into it. She'd thanked him for helping with her paper, he hadn't been surprised that she was one to use emojis like no tomorrow. He'd only responded with a short "Sure" and that had been the end of it.
His ears burned hot at the lecture he'd gotten that night. Both his parents had been so surprised he had brought a friend home at all, and a girl at that, he hadn't gotten the lecture about shutting himself up in his room with a girl for hours that he'd been expecting. Like Enoch actually having a girlfriend was so extremely unlikely that there was no need for it. That was a fair enough assumption. His mother had gone on all through dinner about how nice a girl Olive was and how Enoch could only benefit having a friend like her around, to which Enoch had wished hard for the earth to open up and swallow him instead.
But he did, against his very antisocial nature, want to see her again outside of school. Even on the weekends when he would normally rather hole himself up and be alone. He wanted to have the satisfaction of knowing that she was his and no one else's. He'd told her in very few words already. It felt stupid and awkward and it was no small wonder he wouldn't have been able to ask her in person, it was difficult enough just texting a message, but Enoch found himself writing, erasing and then re-writing almost exactly the same thing a good five times before his thumb finally hovered over the send icon. This was stupid. The day Hugh Apiston was right about Enoch was the day that Enoch had never wanted to see.
He read the message for Olive again and again, each time thinking it sounded more awkward and unnecessary than it probably really did before he erased it completely and started again. This was much harder to do than calculus and English essays.
Wanna do something this weekend?
His thumb slipped before he'd even finished and Enoch's heart stopped as he heard the familiar whoosh sound as his text sent.
To clarify I meant a movie or whatever
Idiot. Enoch scolded himself and the moment his second message sent, he promptly clicked the screen off and turned the phone face down on the desk and if by doing that he could somehow pretend he hadn't just sent it. That Olive wasn't going to read it and she wasn't going to reply. He regretted everything. He shouldn't have sent it.
Homework. But now he was concentrating even less on that because his entire chest felt like it was constricting in on itself and his heart was racing.
It was a full five minutes before his phone buzzed on the desk in front of him and another full thirty seconds of just staring at the offending object so it buzzed again to remind him before Enoch actually picked it up.
He could have sworn his heart skipped a beat but would never, ever dare admit it aloud. Had Enoch not been so incredibly relieved that she didn't seem to think he was stupid for asking he might have rolled his eyes at her reply. Hoping not to sound too eager, and maintain a shred of his usual demeanour, he replied as sarcastically as he could through text.
Duh. That's why I asked.
Even as he hit the send button, Enoch's face held the barest hint of a smile while nobody could see.
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