I barely made it through the next few weeks leading to spring break. Every time I was with Finn, every time he held my hand or kissed me, I couldn't help but think of Jack. One stupid drunk kiss was literally ruining my life. What bothered me most was that Jack just didn't remember. It's not his fault, but maybe if he had remembered... I couldn't help but think maybe things would be different. I had always thought there might been some hidden feelings I had for Jack, but I'd repressed them over the years. But once I kissed him, they all flooded back. He had a girlfriend, I had a boyfriend, but I couldn't stop thinking about what it had felt like to kiss him. It made me feel so guilty. Finn didn't deserve to be compared to anyone.

Jack started sitting with Ellie on the bus again. I hadn't spoken a word to her in about a month unless I absolutely had to. The only thing that was giving me hope over these next few weeks was spring break. Every year for break, Jack's family and my family went on a vacation together. This year, we had invited Finn's family too. He had an older brother, Nick, who I'd only met a few times, but seemed nice enough. And, Ellie wasn't coming, so that was a bonus. This year we were going skiing in Colorado. It would be a great way to escape all the stupid drama, or so I'd thought. Before break, we had a huge test in algebra, which counted for a lot of our average grade. I'd been studying with Finn all week, but between getting distracted by thinking of Jack and simply not understanding the material, I wasn't feeling very confident.

"My parents will kill me if I fail this," I groaned to Jack on the bus.

"You'll do fine," he assured me, patting my leg. I had to stop myself from reaching out and holding his hand, which made me feel even worse. Poor Finn.

When it was time to take the test, I completely blanked. I didn't even care at this point, it was just a stupid fucking test and I had better things to worry about. I'd been mistaken. After school I went straight home and started packing for my ski trip, trying to distract myself.

"Madison, come to the kitchen now," my mom shouted from downstairs. I shoved the shirt I was holding into my suitcase and reluctantly walked downstairs. My parents were both standing at the counter, looking pissed.

"Yes?" I sighed.

"You got a 23 on your algebra test."

"Oh."

"We're very disappointed in you," my dad said, taking off his glasses.

"Sorry. It's just one test, it's fine," I defended myself. My mom shook her head.

"No, sweetie. Your grade has dropped to an 76."

"That's fine. I still have a few weeks before this quarter is over to raise my grade," I shrugged. My dad scoffed, exchanging a glance with my mom.

"Your mother and I were just discussing what to do, and I think we've reached a conclusion. Tina, would you like to tell her?"

"You can't go to Colorado with the Grazers."

"What!" I practically screamed.

"This grade is very unlike you. You need to refocus on school and not on whatever else you're doing. You're old enough to stay home alone, so your mother and I will go, but you will stay here and study."

"No no no this can't be happening," I wailed. "I've been looking forward to this all month. You can't take this away from me. Please, no." My mom just shook her head.

"I'm sorry, Madison, but actions have consequences," my mom dismissed me. I sprinted to my room and flopped on my bed, holding back tears. The one thing I had been looking forward to for weeks was not even happening. And Finn and Jack would be in Colorado while I'd be stuck at home. I pulled out my phone to tell them the bad news, using a groupchat we had made to plan activities we'd be doing on the trip.

hi

Hi ski squad!

Please dont ever say that again

Lol

this is kinda serious

Whats up?

i cant come

to colorado

Funny prank Madison

Ha

im serious

im deadass sobbing rn

this is embarrassing

wait NO

ARE YOU KIDDING

WHY NOT

^^

i got a fucking 27 on my math test

What the FUCK

UGHHHHH

I wanted to ski with you

Madison its ok

You tried really hard

Its not the end of the world

Its just a stupid trip

love u guys

have fun!!

We will!

Ill miss youuu

thanks jackalope

💗

Their reaction made me feel a little better, at least they were supportive. But what was I supposed to do for a whole week while my two best friends were away together. I did have homework over the break, which I decided I might as well get out of the way now. My parents called me down for dinner. I didn't speak a word to them the whole time. They would be leaving tomorrow morning without me. I locked myself in my room all night, and said goodbye to my parents in the morning.

"Don't throw any parties while we're gone," my mom called from the car, waving goodbye.

"It's not like I have any friends here to invite anyway," I mumbled, going back inside and making myself toast. What was I supposed to do for a whole week with no friends? My parents had left me a ten page math packet to complete, so I ate my breakfast in my room and worked through it. It was around three when I finished. I checked my phone to see texts from the boys.

Taking off now!!!

We miss you!

Hopefully we dont crash

Wish us luck!

have fun!

love u

I had three days to kill. What the fuck am I supposed to do without Jack (and Finn, of course). There was really only one person I could spend time with. Ellie. I needed to talk to her anyways, we can't just live our lives pretending the other doesn't exist.

hi.

Hi?

i think we should probably talk

Oh

Ok

When and where

you free tomorrow?

Yep

can you meet me at Café com Leite for lunch

at like 1?

See you there

Thanks

I didn't even really know what I was going to say to her. "Hey Ellie, I'm in love with your boyfriend who you don't even like anymore," didn't sound like a good option. I still liked Finn, which made everything even more confusing. At this point my life was a complete mess.

I made microwaved lasagna for dinner, which made me think of Jack. It's his favorite. I texted Jack for a little, but he was about to go on a walk with Finn and couldn't talk for long. I ended up reading for a while until I fell asleep.

I woke up late, around 12. It was 12:30 before I remembered I had to meet Ellie in half and hour. I threw on some sweatpants and drove to town. I walked into Café com Leite five minutes late. I hadn't been in here since last time I met Ellie. She was already waiting for me, sitting in the same place we had been so many months ago. She didn't acknowledge when I sat across from her.

"Hi," I tilted my head as a greeting. She gave me a small smile, then took a deep breath.

"First off, I want to say I'm sorry. I've been a horrible person. We've been pretty much enemies our whole lives. I think you knew I was always jealous of you. You always got first place. And I was always second. I've always wanted everything you've had. That's why I started dating Jack. You weren't there to stop me, and I could finally have something you had. I never really had Jack, though. Don't get me wrong, he was like, the best boyfriend ever. But he would always talk about you. Whatever we did, wherever we went, he would always say it reminded him of you. I liked him, yeah, but it was nothing compared to the way I liked Finn. I never got over him, and I hate myself for it. So I'm sorry, Madison. I'm so sorry." She finished, and looked down at her half eaten sandwich. I didn't know what to say.

"T-thank you," I stammered.

"I'm going to break up with Jack. Staying with him is selfish. And I can't tell you what to do, but I think it would be best of you leave Finn. Just trust me. It might sound selfish, but I truly think you're meant to be with Jack." I sat there, not meeting her gaze. I really really had no fucking idea what to do. I liked Finn, I really did, but it was nothing compared to how I felt about Jack. I wasn't even that shocked that Ellie was breaking up with Jack; I sort of expected it, I guess. The only thing I was stuck on was that Ellie told me to break up with Finn. It sounded like a good idea, since I was literally in love with someone else, but... I don't wanna think about life without Finn. He's so perfect. And Jack... isn't. Jack is unreliable and weird and quirky... but somehow that just made me like him more.

"Break up with Jack after he gets back. You should let him have his trip at peace," I told her. She nodded in agreement.

"So... why'd you want to meet up with me?" she asked me. I shrugged.

"I don't know. I was hoping you'd talk to me, I guess."

"I'm glad you called. Friends?" she offered her hand, and I shook it. She smiled.

"Great. Wanna go to the movies?"

The movies with Ellie was surprisingly fun. She was actually really nice, and like, really funny. We saw some superhero movie, it was actually pretty good seeing as superhero movies aren't usually my favorite. Ellie and I went separate ways after the movies, but we planned for her to come over tomorrow since I had the house to myself. I was relieving to have a friend that wasn't a boy that I could trust, or I think I can trust, at least. Jack kept sending me pictures of him and Finn skiing. They were having a great time. So were my parents, ugh. Half of me was grateful that I had stayed and made up with Ellie, but the other half was wishing I was there. And being alone in my house made me realize how much I'd rather be with other people. With Jack.