My mind is full of negative thoughts like darkness embossed with fear and do I find peace in it, I will say yes because this is what I have become; a perfect yours in an utterly peaceful existence.

-Rain

I looked ahead of me to see an ocean of trees. It was beautiful. But I also knew that beauty comes with a cost.

I looked around of me and realized I had never been here before. I looked up at the sky to see the sun was setting.

I needed to find my way out of here before it gets dark. I thought to myself.

I took a deep breath and entered the forest. The trees were forming a canopy making it difficult to see the light.

But I kept on pushing my legs forward. No noise could be heard in the forest. It was way too calm.

A breeze blew and it calmed me. Encouraging me to walk. I started walking forward.

I heard a thin branch break. I looked down to realize that I haven't stepped on any thin branch.

I turned around to see a shadow. But it moved fast. As if it was never there. But I knew someone was there.

"Whose there?", I called out. My voice a bit shaky.

Another breeze blew and it carried a scent.

Amber

A surge of desperation ran in my blood. I didn't care if it was really her or a trap. But I had to find it out.

If I could meet her again.

Just once maybe.

"Ma"

I heard a voice. It was soft and something in my bones told me it was Amber's. I have never heard her but the way my heart thudded I knew I wasn't wrong.

"Amber?"

I called out but no reply.

I saw a piece of white cloth going in the right and I decided to follow it.

A heard a melodious laugh. It was a person or more of a girl I was following.

"You ain't faster than me momma."

I heard a teasing voice and tears filled my eyes. It was my Amber.

I increased my pace not caring once that I would fall. I stumbled once or twice but never stopped.

My Amber was here.

Now the trees were fewer in number and I could make out it was a girl in a white gown.

She stopped in a meadow. It wasn't beautiful rather it was terrifying.

All the flowers were dead and the pond water covered with a thick green layer and a bit of foam.

I looked up in the sky to see the sun and moon were in a straight line with the sky being grey.

No stars

"Beautiful, isn't it?", I heard the girl ask.

My mouth wasn't able to form any answer.

I moved forward in her direction. As I placed a hand on her shoulder. She was taller than my Amber but something told me she was my Amber.

She turned around.

Her eyes closed.

She indeed was my Amber just she looked older and more like me. Still she was a foot smaller than me. I guessed she was eight years old but I wondered that when did she grow.

Tears filled in my eyes. My baby was back. She was back for me.

"Amber?", I called softly.

She opened her eyes and I flinched back. They were hollow. Completely black.

A look of hurt crossed her face. It hurt my heart.

I placed a hand on her left cheek. She placed her left hand over mine. Her hands were extremely cold and she looked too pale.

"I missed you mom.", she whispered as a tear rolled down her cheek.

"Come back to me.", I said to her but she shook her head.

My heart broke at the rejection. I can't live without her.

"Why they killed me ma?", Amber asked.

I didn't know the answer. I didn't know if it was Damien or me to blame.

"Life always gives you two options and it depends on you what you choose. Your mother choose the wrong one. She forgot love could be lethal. She didn't resist to the gamble of life. Played it out of greed and lo-ost.", I said in a broken tone.

Amber let go of a laugh. It was genuine.

"Ma life is a Gamble and you have to play it. Willingly or unwillingly.", she stated.

"Who taught you all this?", I asked.

"Nanu.", she said while shrugging.

So see head met dad.

"Please Amber come back to me. We have so much to do. So much to explore. Come back baby.", I begged her.

A tear slipped from her eyes.

"I can't mamma. But how could your baby go without bidding you bye. I love you ma. But now I need to go. Can you do me a favor. Sing me a lullaby so that I can sleep peacefully."

I heard her say. I knew I couldn't stop her so I decided at least I could grant her, her last wish.

I sat in between the dead flowers. I pointed towards my lap and she nodded her head. She laid down and placed her head on my lap.

"Breezes blow from up the mountains.

Let them wash away your pain.

Let them take away everything,

So that we could breathe and sleep.

The sky is dark with no stars or moon.

Move in the dark for an eternity.

Life will be moving,

But you will stop and breathe.

Taking in all you can;

Before you fall asleep."

I sang this for a while. As I saw Amber closing her eyes.

"I don't want to leave you momma", she murmured sleepily as tears rolled down her cheeks. I continuously wiped them.

My heart clenched seeing her in pain.

"Then don't go.", I whispered but as soon as I said that her body started turning into ash. From parts to whole. First her hands and her legs, then her mid body and finally I didn't feel any weight on my lap. It was just ashes.

I picked up the ash as a sob left my mouth. The only thing I could think at that moment was to any how keep her with me so ate some of her ashes. At least like this she will stay with me. For as long as I exist.

My Amber!

"Rain."

I heard a voice and slowly opened my eyes to see it was Damien.

"Rain get ready. We need to go for Amber's burial.", Damien stated.

My heart dropped in the pit of my stomach. I just nodded my head as Damien left the room.

I got up from the bed to see a black dress was kept. I took it and made my way to the bathroom without any rush.

Which mother looks forward to their child's funeral.

My movements were robotic as I did my business and took a bath. I changed o the black dress and without looking at myself in the mirror I made my way downstairs.

My nana and nanu were standing there.

"Rain!", nana cried as she rushed in my direction and engulfed me in an hug. I didn't know how to respond as if I have forgotten it. I just stood there.

Nana let go of me as she looked at me with concern.

"Say something.", she urged.

"Where is my Amber?", I asked which made her cry louder.

She said that the everyone was in the backyard. I nodded my head as I started making my way to my Amber.

There she laid in black looking radiant. Never has she looked this beautiful or was it just my imagination?

"Doll"

Sam tried coming near me but I ignored him and made my way to Amber as I sat on the floor near to her bed. It was of a weird shape surrounded by wooden walls in all the sides. It was small as if just made for her.

I cherished her cheek.

I felt Damien sit next to me.

"Damien when will she wake up. You know tomorrow is her birthday. I need to go to get her present.", I stated while looking at Damien.

"Please don't be like that Rain. Amy is never coming back. You need to accept it.", Damien pleaded.

I just nodded my head.

Damien looked at me and shed a few tears. What have I done wrong? Believing my baby would wake up isn't something wrong.

People started coming and saying a few words but I cared for non of them.

Last was my turn as Damien decided not to say anything. He even told me it was fine if I didn't speak anything. But I wanted to. I got up and stood in front of the of the microphone.

"My daughter has gone no where. She is with me. When I gave birth to her, I knew she was special. Twice she fought from death and won but again life just gives a second chance. She lost the battle third time. I saw her today and she was content. Sad yet happy. Weird, right? She turned into ash on my lap and I ate those as-shes so that she stays with me. Within me.", I stated and for the first time today I cried.

I only realized that how much pain I was in.

"I don't want her to go. I-I don't. Damien let's take her back in. I don't want her to leave this house.", I stated with urgency.

Damien came and stood next to me. His face was black so were his eyes, hollow.

I went near Damien. So that I could convince him.

"Damien she-she is so tiny. How can we leave her alone? Damien let us take her back inside. Yes that is the right thing.", I stated frantically.

I heard gasp here and there but I didn't care about anyone at that moment.

"Rain we need to bury her now. We need to leave for the graveyard.", Damien stated softly.

But I shook my head.

I needed to stop them from taking her.

I looked at Damien's waistband to see something shiny. I knew what it was. In a swift movement I took it.

I pointed the gun in everyone's direction.

"Rain please calm down."

I heard my nanu say but I again shook my head.

"You are all bad. Trying to take away my daughter from me. But I won't let you do that.", I stated with determination.

I felt movement beside me.

I pointed the gun at Damien. Damien moved closer till the time his chest and the barrel of the gun weren't touching.

"Shoot.", Damien said in a serious tone looking dead in my eyes.

Suddenly the gun felt to heavy. My mind was hazy.

"Shoot Rain.", Damien shouted and I flinched back while the gun fell from my hands.

My head started to spin and I started shaking like a leaf.

He was furious.

I didn't know what to say or do. I could see black spots and in between them was my Amber's face.

~*~

I slowly opened my eyes. As I sat on the bed. I was in Damien's room.

The events of today came crashing to me. Amber must have been buried by now.

I got down the bed and made my way to the bathroom to wash my face. I looked at myself in the mirror.

Completely devasted.

I started washing my face with cold water.

I heard clapping from the back. I didn't turn around maybe my mind was playing games.

But when I again heard the soft clapping that I was well acquinted with, I couldn't help but turn around.

A gasp left my mouth as I looked at the figure on the bathroom door.

My Amber.

She was there and smiling at me. I rubbed my eyes and even pinched myself but she didn't vanish.

"Baby?", I called her.

She giggled and flee from the bathroom. I followed her but she was faster than me.

I didn't know such a small body could have this much energy.

I rushed out of the room behind her. I looked in the corridor to see she was going in her room. I followed her.

"Amber!"

I gushed as I entered the room. She couldn't run further away from me. Not today. Not tomorrow.

I turned on the lights of the room to see Amber was next to Damien who was lying on her bed.

"Damien quickly catch Amber before she runs away.", I said to Damien.

I think I started Damien as he jolted up from the bed. Amber was still sitting next to him.

Damien got up from the bed and came near me. He held my cheek.

"Rain, Amber is dead. She is not here. You are just imagining.", he said each word clearly. But I didn't believe him one bit.

"She is here Damien. She clapped and I ran behind her. Look.", I pointed in the direction of the bed but she wasn't there.

Not anymore.

"Damien I swear she was there.", I stated.

Damien just shook his head.

"Damien trust......"

Before I could complete my sentence Damien had his lips on me. I was shocked but responded soon.

He movements rough and urgent. This time he didn't ask for permission as he invaded my mouth.

His kiss screamed agony and so was mine.

He picked me up as I tied my legs around his waist. He led up to his room as he gently placed me on the bed before getting on top of me and ravishing me again.

"Pour our all your pain love.", he stated and my dam broke. I digged my nails in his back as I kissed him back with equal passion laced with pain and this is how we spent our night trying to forget about the past, not caring about the future and trying to breathe in the present.