The past few. months have been insane. I'm exhausted, exhilarated, enjoying my job and my relationship with Tucker, everything is different yet the same, new but so comfortably familiar feeling. Though we knew each other as children, and we kind of crushed on each other in our teens,, we never had an adult relationship. Now the relationship that we've developed is more than I ever thought that we could build.

The kids and I are a total unit, I'm 'mommy' to them about 95% of the time. When they call me "Auntie Sky', they seem puzzled and confused, and then quickly switch back to 'Mommy'. I love that I'm mommy to them now, I didn't anticipate that I would ever be mommy to them, but now that I am, I am beyond thrilled, it feels right and the way things should be. Tucker is usually 'Tucky' and sometimes 'Daddy'. When they call him daddy, we both tear up, it's more sweet than heartbreaking, but I still feel the twinge of loss.

Work is incredible, my job is interesting and rewarding the suggestions I make are usually heard. Not always do the decisions go my way, but I definitely feel a part of the team. Landon Gray is a good boss, very inclusive and helpful, and he gives good feed back and info. The only drawback is that he is a bit too familiar.

At first I thought that perhaps I was overreacting, but then I caught eyes with Alex a few times, and I could tell that he agreed with me. Sometimes Landons encouragement seems far too 'touchy'. Like the arm around my shoulders and the hand on my back. A few times he's leaned over me when I'm at my desk, and I've felt pinned under him while he talks about something, it feels almost intimate and definitely too personal. When I say it out loud, it seems like I'm being petty, but seeing the looks of confusion that Alex throws me, I have realized that I'm not wrong to feel so uncomfortable.

Alex is a good friend, so I know he isn't trying to stir up trouble. We haven't spoken about this directly, just the looks we toss between ourselves. I realized that if I don't communicate to Landon that I don't want these touches, then I'm not standing up for myself. I know that he's attracted to me, and I told him from the very beginning that I wasn't interested in anything other than a working relationship. At first it was because I had the kids and it was all new, but then Tuck and I started getting closer, and I let him in. He's never pressured me, or made it seem like I had to endure his touches, I think he's a good guy, so I'm going to tell him up front and clearly that he's invading my boundaries.

Tuck and I have been 'dating' for the past several months, and I couldn't be happier. He has been respecting my feelings, and he's gone along with the glacial pace that I have set for us. The kids are used to seeing us together, dinners when we aren't working, and the weekends and any evenings he has free. Almost every morning he is in the kitchen making breakfast when they wake up, and any night he can make it he is having dinner at our table as well.

It may not be right or fair, but I've been testing him for the past several months, if not for over a year. He made some big promises, and I made sure that he was going to keep them before I let the kids see us as a romantic couple. The kids needed to be secure in their new world, comfortable in their lives, and when they showed that they were open to including Tucker. They seem to love seeing us together, and laughing when they see us kiss, so as far as I'm concerned, we are an official couple.

Tuck is with us at the house most of his free time. He spends most nights with me in my room, not that we're having sex yet, but we are getting closer, and doing more with each other. We also confide everything to each other. I've told him how I'm not happy with Landon right now, and he told me that I'm smart and capable and I need to shut down his behavior. I kind of would like someone else to do it for me, but, if I'm going to say I'm an adult, then I have to act like one as well. Damn.

Tuck has told me how the studio has been, for the most part it's been great, but he has had to deal with a lot of the partying and the groupies. So far, I trust him, he's been pretty frank about the girls who have come on to him, also the ugly truth about the people who are trying to tempt him with drugs. He says he's not really tempted, but he also talks to Turo and Isaac several times a week, and they help him to stay on the path. We call it the 'path', because he says it's the path that takes him home to his ultimate happiness, bliss and high, us, the kids and me, his family.

Tucks been kind of antsy the past few weeks. I'm pretty sure he is just tired of doing the studio work, but there is a small part of me that worries that other temptations are getting too large and looming.

Fuck I'm so ready to finish this damn album. On one hand I've loved it, getting back into my music, being with the guys, connecting and creating in a way I've never done before. But fuck it, it is taking so, damn, long.

We're almost to the end of recording, the tour schedule is set, all the interviews have started and the 'new music shitshow' has officially started.

We had an interview today with 'Sound' magazine, it was the first one, and I knew they were going to go deep into my shit. They did, I answered all the fucked up and embarrassing questions for the first hour. Then when they kept on that trajectory, I looked at Jake, he nodded and then told the interviewer that we were there for the music, I'd answered the trashy shit, laid myself out and didn't fuck away from the shitty questions. I started laughing when he asked the Will the interviewer if 'Sound' magazine had any questions they wanted to ask about the music, or was it all gonna be about the shitty life choices I made for a couple of years. He looked a little embarrassed and then cut to the stuff that we really like to talk about, our music.

Will apologized at the end, but honestly said that the readers want to know about our personal lives, and they weren't sure to believe whether or not I was the same guy today as I was almost 2 years ago. I told him honestly and didn't hold back a fuckin thing.

Looking straight at Will, holding his stare, I gave him what is in my heart.

"Will, I was an 18 year old, dumb as fuck kid when I started touring. I made every fucking mistake a young person on tour could make. I drank way too fuckin much, took stupid amounts of shitty drugs, ignored my family and bandmates, and basically almost partied my way out of the band and my most important relationships." Taking a deep breath, I decide that I'm just going to put it all out there.

"I lost the respect of my family, the band, the girl I thought was gonna be with me forever. It took a god damn tragedy for me to get the first clear look at my life and the man I'd become. I gotta tell you, what I saw was fuckin depressing as hell. I had the money I'd made from the band, and that was it. And the way I'd been living that would have been gone pretty quickly. I went back home, told my family and girl I loved them and I was back for good." At this the guys start cracking up, because they know it was not a happy ending.

"My girl said, 'glad you're back for your family, but fuck you and fuck off and no thank you', my family said 'great, see you after rehab', the band said 'you're fucking out, we'll talk after you've been sober for more than 30 minutes'. Basically, they all said to get my shit together. I did, I spent a long time in rehab, a longer time with a sober companion, and I'm spending the rest of my life showing my people how much I love them." I smile and sit back a little smugly, thinking I shut this down and tied it all up with a pink fucking sparkly as shit bow.

Will gets a kind of scary look in his eye, and then pulls out his notepad and recorder again. Fuck.

"So Tucker, you credit your family and band and this 'mystery' girl for getting you sober?"

"No Will, I credit my hard fucking work for getting and keeping me sober. but I won't deny that my motivation was resusscitating the relationships that I'd let wither and die. I was a fuck up for a long time, the fucking up, the guilt for all I'd done and not done, and just being fucking sick and tired of being fucked up, embarrassed, sick and lonely all the time, that was the fucking motivation that kept me going. Knowing that my loved ones, had needed me, and they didn't even look to me for help because I was so far in their past that they didn't even think of me any more. Yeah, it was a bunch of shit, but mostly, I wanted my life back." I seriously want to end this shit and go home to my girl and kids.

"Well, you've alluded to this woman, we've seen photographs of you at parks and restaurants with the same woman and her children, I'm just going to come out and ask it, are you the father of your girlfriends kids, is this the Skylar who works with Landon Gray? Sources tell me that she is very close with Landon and that she is dating the two of you. Do you have a comment on her relationship with Landon?" Before I thought Will was a reporter doing his job, now I think he's a tool looking for gossip shit.

"Glad you went straight for the trashy gossip Will, it shows me that you really don't care about the music too much. You started this interview asking all the personal questions about my drugged up life, you didn't care too much about sober me. Then Jake forced you into talking about our music, you know, the reason we are supposedly here. Finally you take your desperate last gasp questions, and you again focus on everything but the music. Does 'Sound' know that you're a shit reporter with music? But I promised to be a team player, and that means answering you shitty interview questions. Yes, that's my Sky. No, she isn't with Landon Gray. No, she isn't dating both of us. Yes, those are my children. My comment about my relationship is that it is private, and will remain so. Since you are a shitty reporter and only care about gossip, I'll give you this, then I'm never gonna talk to you or your magazine again. Here it is, make sure your mic is on and working. Sky and the kids are everything to me, nothing matters more than them. If you or anyone else tries to print lies about them to sell your shitty storyline, I will sue you. I will sue your employer. I will make sure that no one in the business I know will ever speak to you again. My family is private, they live a private life. I am public, that's why I'm here talking to a dick like you. There's your story. We had so much to talk about with our new music, tour, the sounds we're working with. You're an asshole and fuckin lazy at your job. So get this, our next interview is with a little college radio station out of Berkeley. They're a bunch of people who care about music, so guess who we're gonna give all the good info to? Yeah, sit on that lazy boy."

I look at the guys, they're faces are both stunned and smiling, I guess they appreciate the asshole I can be.

"Ready guys? I need the fuck out of here, and it's 'Taco Tuesday' so I have to get home and grill the meat. Let's get the hell out of here." As we are clearing the building about to go our separate ways, I can see the magazine management and a few of our people trying to catch up with us.

Jake grabs my shoulder and catches me before I head to my car.

"I'm proud of you man, you answered the questions and called him out on his dick attitude. You've become a great band mate, way to go Fucker, that was fuckin awesome to watch." He laughs as he heads to his car.

"Fuckin epic Fucker, love you man!" My brother yells out to me as I slide into my car.

Calling Sky in the car, I can't stop smiling, it feels good to know that my guys have my back.

"Hey Sky baby, I'm on my way home, I should be there in about 20 minutes. I'll fill you in on the interview, it went a little sideways, but, fuck baby, I love you." I hang up after leaving my message, my world is good and about to get better.