"I can't believe I'm going to say this, but oh my god you found the perfect house Tuck! Thank you, thank you, thank you! This will make everything so much easier!" Sky is giggling as she twirls around the big family room in the rental house we just toured, the kids are laughing at her and joining in on the dancing. Fuck, this is why I'm here, so I can see the looks on their faces, smiles, giggles and love.

"Babe, if you like the house this much, lets just buy it, then we'll always have a place when we need to come back to the city for work." It makes fuckin sense, if she likes this place, lets do the deal and not have to dick around with a temporary rental.

Sky pauses and gets a cagey look in her eyes, and then puts on a fake smile.

"Lets see how this goes first Tuck. I mean we don't even know if the house will work, and um, well, we do..."

I have to fucking interrupt her because now I know exactly what's running through her head.

"Baby, Sky, baby I love you. I don't love you for a month, a year or even a decade. I fucking love you for the rest of our lives, just like I've loved you since we were kids. I've always loved you, I always will fuckin love you. There is no trial run, no testing period. We're a family, all 4 of us. In a couple years or months, maybe there will be 5 or 6 of us. But we are always going to be a family." I grab on to her shoulders and pull her into my arms, chest to chest. My fingers gently lift her chin so she can look into my eyes.

"Sweet Sky, I know this is our life, our future, take all the time you need to feel confident in us. I will always be here with you, I'll wait for you to trust in me again. It's my fuckin fault that you feel you can't rely on me yet. And that is goddamn ok, take your time, rest your heart and mind until you're ready. I'm here baby, and I'm never leaving you again. I love you, and our kids too fuckin much to ever put you guys in pain again. No worries baby, take all the time you need, I fuckin love you forever."

She sighs and leans into me, I feel her heart racing against my chest, her breathing is rough, so I know she's teary or about to become so.

"I'm sorry Tuck, I'm trying, but I'm just not there yet. I want nothing more than to just fall into us and not worry, I'm trying, I promise you, I'll try as hard as I can, I want our family too. I'm going to be brutally honest with you, I am completely and totally worried how everything will be when you go back into the studio. You're heading back to all the temptations that were more important to you than your family. I am scared that if I let you into my life too much, into the kids lives, and if you mess up, then we're going to be devestated."

"Baby, I told you, don't worry. I"m solid, take your time, I know ..."

"Eeeewwwww, they're going to kiss Nellie, stop it mommy and daddy, no kissing!" Colt is making pretend barf sounds as he and Nellie giggle around us.

"Ok guys, get used to the kissing cuz we're going to be kissing you! Run for it before we catch you and kiss you all over!"

Tucker averts that potential land mine and we run after the kids, they're screaming and giggling, we're running and laughing after them. Everything is fun and perfect now, but not one of my fears were put to rest.

Tuck starts grabbing their backpacks and my purse, hands my bag to me then leans in and whispers in my ear.

"They called us mommy and daddy, baby, I think I'm about to get them whatever the fuck they want, candy, pizza or ice cream for dinner, this is one of the fuckin best days of my life! That doesn't mean I've forgotten what we started talking about before they interrupted. We'll finish this conversation when we get back."

To say the past few weeks have been chaotic doesn't even begin to describe all that's been going on.

Between my job and the late hours, the kids and I have been spending a good 8 hours plus a day away from home. The day care at Magnolia has been a lifesaver, but trying to spend time with the kids during my work day then at night when we get home, damn, I'm tired and I kind of feel like I'm failing.

Tuck has been great, when he's around. As bad as my hours have been, his have been even more intense.

His 'return to clarity' (his words not mine) have brought forth a ton of music, songs and sometimes just bits and pieces of an idea for a future song. But his rush of creativity is working together to really bond the guys again. A few of their musician friends have started drifting in to the studio, and they are playing off one another and really enjoying the renewed creative flow they've got going.

I made a decision not to question him about all the drug and groupie action that's happening at the studio. As long as he isn't participating, and also because it really isn't under his control. But in the conversations we had before he went back to the studio, he knows that just the smallest slip back into his old behavior means that we're finished. It isn't just me anymore, a relationship with me means an instant family. Sliding back into drugs and groupies hurts not just me, but the kids as well. This having been said and completely etched into stone, means he totally understands that I won't live with any of that behavior. I also realize that just because he didn't deal with it well before doesn't mean the other guys had a problem with it, or want the girls and the drugs out of the studio.

It's my own kind of "Don't ask, don't tell" policy. In the beginning Tuck tried to explain what happened every day, then he realized I only wanted to hear about the guys and the music, so that's what we talk about now. I know he wants to discuss it all, but I don't think I can have the pictures of it all in my mind while I'm away at work.

Then you add the fact that we are on two completely different work schedules. The kids and I leave the house around 7:30 in the morning, head to the studio and their little daycare, we have lunch together then they head up to my office around 4:30 and hang out while I try to work. We usually leave around 5:30 or 6:00, rush home, I make dinner and then we jump into the whole bedtime routine.

While the kids and I are on the family/workday train, Tuck is doing the typical rocker schedule, leave for the studio at 2:00 or so, work until midnight or later, then come home. At that point the kids and I are long asleep, he crashes, he usually comes over to see the kids in the morning for breakfast, but that doesn't always happen.

When he comes to our house for breakfast, or the rare dinner with us, I'm pretty positive he hasn't been drinking or doing most drugs. I try to be subtle, but I'm pretty sure that he's aware I'm trying to smell his breath for alcohol, while looking for other signs that he might be using drugs. The past week a few times he's smelled like weed, I don't think he's smoking, but I truly don't know. I'm not there, and I'm not asking. I know that I don't want to spend my life acting like a warden and watching his every move, the truth is he's going to have to deal with this, and show me that he is truly on the straight path. It's up to him to show and prove to me that he is clean and sober. It's not my job to try and enforce his behavior.

I think if he'd done anything Keller would tell me, we haven't spoken about it, and I don't want to intrude on Tucks privacy, but I think if he fell off the wagon Kell would let me know. Tuck and his parents are as invested as I am in his recovery.

As far as the groupies are considered, I doubt that he's gone down that road. I made the very conscious choice to trust him, and I plan on trusting him completely. That doesn't mean I'm blind to everything, and it also means that I am totally aware of all the temptations he's going to face, but until there's a reason for me to be suspicious, well, then I just choose not be led down that path unless I see neon lights pointing me there.

Tuck has been painfully honest since his reentry into our lives, and I will continue to believe he is still in that frame of mind. He has shown me in every conceivable way that the kids and I are his priority and future, and he knows that if he can't be 100 percent devoted to us, then we can't be devoted to him.

I guess somewhere along the line, I decided that I'm going to let him back into my heart, he doesn't know yet, we haven't talked about that. Partly because I'm still really wary about all that goes on in the studio. We'll see how it rolls out, if he plans on being the man he wants to be, or if he's going to give in to the easy temptations.

I am fucking beat, exhilarated, motiviated, hornier than fuck, and missing my family. Work has been incredible, the guys and I are on a wavelength that we've never experienced before, probably because I was high and a shitty band mate.

The music we're creating is unbelievable. We're pushing ourselves, a shitload of other musicians have been coming into the studio, sometimes helping out on a song, other times just hanging with us.

Professionally this has been the best experience I've had while recording. We're feeding off of each other, pushing our boundaries and limits as musicians. That part is awesome, what sucks is that I'm in the fuckin studio all the goddamn time. By the time I get home it's after midnight, Sky and the kids have been asleep for hours, I usually get up and do the morning and breakfast thing with them, but I don't always make it to that. Sky has been shouldering about 90% of the family work load and I kinda feel like shit about it. Typical Sky though, she just smiles, and loves us through it, while supporting me and asking me all about the time in the studio.

What she isn't asking about, but that I know is at the top of her mind, is what the party scene at the studio has been like.

It's definitely going on, I mean, there's some booze and pot around, some of the guys have brought a couple of girls in, but it's nothing like it's been in the past. At first I thought the guys were trying to help me out by not bringing the drugs and girls around, then I realized that it had almost always been me who brought the hardcore partiers in. That was another fuckin embarrassing revelation.

There have been a few times when I wanted a cold beer after a long session, but I haven't been tempted to do anything more than that. And fuck, I wasn't even really that tempted. Some of the guys get high a little, but that sure as fuck doesn't appeal to me anymore. I've lost enough of my memories to drugs, I'm not giving up another hour of my life to that mindless vacancy. And the girls? Jesus, absolutely zero temptation there. I know there have been a few girls around that I used to party with, they tried to talk to me, I just shot them a look and told them I wasn't interested now, will never be interested again and to leave me the fuck alone. It's not like I ever had a relationship with any girl, so there isn't anything I would miss or feel guilty about, I just want to play my music, love my girl and love my family.

Fuck do I miss them! I've put so much time and effort into the new album, the guys are all happy with me, they were totally on board for me taking a few days off to spend time with Sky and the kids, we're gonna have a good old fashioned stay at home vacation. We're gonna BBQ, play in the pool, make s'mores, order pizza, make Sky breakfast in bed, anything I can make happen to show my girl that she's my world.

And in the spirit of working towards our future, I bought the house they're in because it's fucking perfect for our family. Most importantly Sky loves it.

--:--

Sky and the kids left for her office and their school about 30 minutes ago, she has no idea that starting today we have the next week off. She was going to take a few days from work and stay with the kids, but I didn't let her know that I arranged to have the week off as well. I'm going to her office to bring them lunch and spend the time with them. Then I'll take the kids back to their class and be the helping hands parent, when their day is over, we'll pick up Sky and head home for a week of fun. I fucking can't wait to surprise my girl.

Pulling in to her offices, I'm surprised by how it looks less like an office building and more like a small collection of bungalows in a business park. There are green open spaces all around, and a park in the center. Following the Magnolia sign, I wander in and see one of her bosses, the actor Landon Gray. I know Sky really likes him as a boss, he's been encouraging and supportive, lets her make her own hours and she's been able to enroll the kids in the studio school and daycare. But from where I'm standing, I'm thinking that Landon Gray isn't doing all that from the kindness of his heart, it looks to me like he's trying to impress my girl, and ingratiate himself in my girls life.

Landon is standing next to Sky, he's got his arm around her shoulder, laughing down at her, as far as I'm fucking concerned he's way to fuckin close to her, he's touching someone that doesn't belong to and will never belong to him. That shit ends now.

"Sweet Sky, I brought you lunch, missed you baby." I walk straight over to her, loving the happy and surprised smile she gives me. Sliding my arm around her I pull her close to me in a tight hug, kissing her softly on the lips, I feel her body align with mine, not a breath of space between us. I notice that Gray drops his arm from her shoulder and immediately takes a step back, watching as Sky all but flies into my arms. Yeah, I'm cocky about her reaction to me, but more than that, I'm eternally fucking grateful that she has let me back in.

Sky leans back slightly and smiles up at me. "Tuck, please let me introduce my boss, Landon Gray," holding my hand she steps back so I am facing Gray.

"Hey, hi man, love the music, Sky told me how you're working on a new record, but I gotta tell you, we've met before. It was a crazy party in the hills a year ago. You were with a blonde model, actually a couple of models," laughing, he acts like he's embarrassed but I'm pretty clear about what he's trying to do. He's attempting to throw my past up to Sky and then proceed to throw me under the bus and show Sky what an asshole I am. Newsflash dickless actor, Sky already knows I'm an asshole and she still loves me anyway.

"Sorry dude, anything or anyone I did more than a year ago I really can't recall. I was fucked up on drugs and alcohol and hung out and did a shitload of stuff with people that I can't remember. I'm a lucky man, because despite my ugly past, Sky chooses to love me regardless. Gotta say, I thank every element in the universe that despite what an asshole loser I was, through some miracle she's agreed to be mine." I smile like the asshole I've admitted to being, pull her in tight, kiss the top of her head and give Gray cold eyes, letting him know his shit was obvious and it was fucking noted.

"Oh, sorry man, didn't mean to embarrass you guys, just keeping everything out in the open. It was last year we met, wild party, you were pretty crazed, I can see why that time in your life is lost to you." He fake smiles at me, then steps closer to Sky.

"I think it was about the time I started mentoring you with that script treatment Sky, it was clear right away that you've got talent, no way was I going to let you slip away from me once I found you." He smiles at her in the fucking smarmiest way and steps back.

"I've got a meeting to go to, so I'm going to leave you two. Have a great weekend. I've got to leave town after next week so I'll look forward to some late nights cramming this project next week Sky, it's going to be fun pounding out this script together." The asshole looks at me while he smiles and backs out of the room.

"Bye Landon, thanks for the help, you have a good weekend too!" Skys lips are smiling at him, but I see that her eyes look a little pissed off.

"Ok Tuck, that wasn't awkward or weird at all! What the hell was that all about? And you want to explain the 'I love you' comment?" She's still holding my hand and leaning into me, so although she might be a bit upset and irritated, I think I'm still somewhat ok.

"The guy wants you Sky, I was letting him know that you're mine, that you know all about my shit, that we have no secrets. He was letting me know that he doesn't care, and he's gonna 'pound' scripts with you whenever he can. He's a fuckin douche, sorry babe, love you, but I fuckin hate him." Staring at her with my eyebrows raised, I'm waiting for her to tell me I'm wrong.

"Well it was kind of a jerk maneuver for him to bring up you at a party last year, he knows we're together in a kind of weird and unofficial way, and that we have a past and were separated for years because of your partying. He was probably just trying to be macho and act like he has my back. I doubt it was anything more than that." She smiles up at me, and I swear it feels like summer sunshine lighting up and warming my body.

"Well whatever his motivation, he's pretty fucking clear now on the fact that you are mine, yesterday, today, tomorrow, forever and when I'm cold and dead in the grave you're still gonna be mine Sky baby, and I'm never letting you go. Now lets go get the kids, I have a couple of surprises for you!" I kiss her hard and deep, letting her feel my love, breathing her in, tasting her, molding my body to hers.

"Oh my gosh Tuck! I'm a lowly script girl, not a world famous genius musician! I can't do this with my coworkers around!" She kisses me lightly and pulls away, but I see her smiles and I'm confident that she didn't mind my territorial display too much.

As we walk out of the office I hear her boss, a guy named Noah call after us.

"Looking hot Tuck my man, and looking even hotter Sky girl! Have fun next week!" He smiles at me, we bump fists all the while Sky is puzzled trying to figure out what's going on.

"How do you know Noah, and what are you keeping from me?" She sounds excited and she's smiling, so I'm pretty sure I'm in the clear.

"Baby, I love you and our family more than anything in the world, this surprise is just me showing you how grateful I am that you took my raggedy ass back into your heart. Noah is a fucking awesome guy who helped me put the plan together. Let's get the kids and then start our vacation!" I kiss her hard, I kiss her long, and I kiss her dirty, fuck if I care that this is work, Noah said it's ok, and I'm going with his word.

"We're no longer 'unofficial' as you call it, we're an 'us'. We are now, and will always be a family. You've seen that I'm serious and committed to both are family and sobriety. We'll talk about it all this week, but baby, give in. It was always going to be us together." Then I kiss the fuck out of her, and drive home the fact that I light her motherfuckin heart on fire.