Well it's here, I'm as ready as I can be. I've been working towards this moment for over 10 months. Turo is happy with how I'm doing, we talk all the time about triggers, weaknesses, projecting potential outcomes, protecting myself, basically that the only thing I can control is me. I can't change others opinions of me, expectations of me, anger and disappointment in me, and a fuck ton of other negative shit I brought on myself.

I am doing my best, every fucking day I wake up and I work towards the overwhelming goal of being a better person, and trying to leave the shittiest parts of myself in the past. I fill my life with the band, my family, working out, cooking (I'm shit at this, but thank fuck that Turo is an awesome cook), basically I try to keep myself busy. Before, I tried to numb by brain and anesthetize my feelings, now I try to acknowledge them and work through the bad ones. The good ones are a bit more rare, but I fucking cherish those when I get them. Like hanging with my parents and brothers family, they really seem to enjoy me now. Even Jase thinks I'm fun, and I'm FINALLY Uncle Tuck, not Uncle Ashole. I fucking hate that name, but now that I have a little time and distance from it, it was totally appropriate and kind of funny too.

Turo and I will get to my parents before anyone else, he thinks it will be good to get me involved and busy with the shit that needs doing. Not give me too much time to start worrying and freaking out. I know me, and my mind is gonna be kind of wild because Sky and the kids will be there, so I need to work at having some calming outlets for when I get stressed.

Turo also said it's not the time to talk to Sky about all the shit I want to get out there. I know he's right, I won't bring that stuff up, we're all just gonna have Thanksgiving and enjoy being together.

"Hey, Tuck, did you talk to Ike yet? You were gonna call him earlier, we should be leaving in a few. Get that done if you need to, then lets head to your parents." Turo yells up from the kitchen, I can hear him banging around, packing up the two pies we made yesterday. His pie looks awesome and tastes better, my looks pretty rough and tastes ok. Fuck it, I'm not a baker and that shows, but I am a pretty good musician, and that shows too.

"Yeah man, I called early this morning, he told me to take the day as it comes, don't try to control it, just enjoy it. If I get stressed, step outside and do some breathing and maybe yoga, or go bang on the drums for a bit, If that doesn't work, I'll look for you." I relay this pretty nonchalantly, but I'm honestly feeling the stress, I'm nervous, I want to make a good impression, I don't want to let anyone down. But more than anything, I'm fucking amped to see Sky and the kids.

Fuck,staring out at the driveway, I see Sky and the kids arriving. She's unbuckling them from their seats, they've got flowers and other shit in their hands, though the flowers that Colt is dragging on the ground are gonna look like shit. All three of them are giggling and laughing, sweet and happy. Their family looks good, Sky is doing a fucking amazing job with those kids. I wish I was a part of it, but I'm not, maybe soon, hopefully soon. They all look like they're fuckin thriving, I'm so damn proud of Sky and all she has accomplished in the past year.

Jase is tearing out the front door with Mel on his heels, Nell and Colt are shrieking with laughter as he comes to an abrupt stop in front of them. I can't hear the words being spoken but I can see that they're all having a great time and looking forward to the day. I can see the exact moment that Mel tells Sky I'm already here, she takes a deep breath, and then looks straight into the side yard where I'm setting up the turkey fryer. I smile and wave my hand, she smiles a bit, then turns back to Mel and the kids.

I want to run over there, talk to her, hear her voice, watch her face, feel her laughter, but I know now is not the time. Today is not the day to make me feel better by being in her presence, it's the time for me to show them they can feel confident and secure in my presence. Being an addict sucks, sometimes you want to satisfy the craving for whatever it is you want or need, but the sober and smart part of you knows you can't. That's where I'm at right now, I want to make me feel better by being with them, but that is not what's important here, they are. So, here we go, serious and mature Tucker is attempting to enter the world.

"OK my little Tucky, how you handling seeing her? You've been building up to this for almost a year, there she is, how are you doing?" Turos calming and sarcastic voice brings just what I need.

"I'm good, I see her, I want to talk to her. But I'm gonna let her get settled, I'm not gonna rush her. I've got to finish this fryer shit, then I'm helping dad bring in some more wood. I'm good man, thanks for checking." And that's the damn truth, I am good, I'm taking my time, trying to figure out how I feel, instead of just impulsively reacting.

"Cool, because I want to go grab some of those insane muffins your mom made, damn, those things are fantastic!" This is what makes Turo an amazing man, he doesn't want my moms muffins, he's giving me time to process, without making me feel like I need a watchdog while I'm doing it, but letting me know that I have him if I need him.

"Got it man, I'll be in the kitchen in about 30 minutes, see you in a bit, leave me a fucking muffin though!" I laugh as he hustles into the house.

"How are you doing sweetie, you ok?" Cora quietly asks me, as I'm looking out the window at Tucker, Kell and their father. The three of them are laughing and stacking wood, looking at ease with each other, no stress, no anger, just happiness.

"He looks good, relaxed and at home. Brad and Kell look happier than I've seen them look in years." Turning to the side, I smile at Cora as she watches her men.

"He is good, I'm afraid to say it out loud, but there are times when I forget that my boy has been lost and gone for too many years. It's like he's here, and he never left. I don't want to jinx anything, but I'm cautiously, guardedly feeling optimistic." She smiles and I can hear the love in her voice.

"Mel said that the band is happy with his progress also, that they're going to start working on a new album after the first of the year. It seems like all his hard work is starting to pay off. I'm happy for all of you." I smile and wrap my arms around her, this woman is the definition of love and support for me, I want to show her how happy I am that her boy is getting better.

"Excuse me ladies, I want to introduce myself to Sky. I'm Arturo, Tucks sober companion. I've heard quite a bit about you Sky, it's nice to finally meet you in person." A very handsome man with dark brown hair, and kind eyes walks over to us.

"I'm so sorry Turo, I got so caught up in the prep work I didn't introduce you to Sky!" Cora laughs and turns to throw her arms around Arturo.

"No worries Cora, I like that your priorities are with the food! It smells amazing in here, Tuck and Brad told me to let you know that the turkey is going to be tableside in about an hour. That is if it doesn't explode! Have you seen the videos for the exploding deep fried turkeys? You guys are brave, or crazy!" He laughs and holds out his hand to me, grasps my hand in both of his and squeezes them, with a sweet smile on his face.

"I know its a new thing for you Sky, being here with Tucker, its been a long time since you've seen him. He's good, and looking forward to celebrating with family. He asked me to tell you that you don't need to worry or stress, he's in a good place and he's not going to try to force anything on you. Well, probably his pie, he made one. We both did, mine is better though, feel free to tell him!" With that, Turo smiles and heads outside back to the guys.

All of a sudden Cora and I hear loud raucous laughter outside, and Tucks voice booms across to the kitchen.

"Don't listen to him mom and Sky, my pie is fuckin awesome, his is shit compared to mine!" They wrestle and try to talk over each other.

"Mom, Uncle Ashole, I mean Uncle Tuck said bad words!" Nells little voice pipes up over the laughter.

"Nellie, remember, we talked about not pointing out other peoples mistakes, lets just try to take care of ourselves, ok?" I am trying to keep the tattletaleing to a minimum, although I haven't been too successful.

"I'm just trying to help him be better mom, I'm being a helper." Nellie tries to reason.

Looking out at the four adult men outside, all are looking at me with smiles on their faces and tears in their eyes. It's obvious that they caught on to Nell calling me 'Mom'. It can be a little shocking at first, but I don't know if there are sweeter words out there.

"Nellie, Jase and Colt, can you guys come inside and help us set the table please?" Cora calls out to our smallest helpers, probably not the best helpers, but certainly the cutest helpers!