The little ones finally fell asleep, and I've read so many stories tonight that I'm amazed I didn't lose my voice and I stayed awake. I think I'm going to have to figure out a better bedtime system. Mel said that routines and habits are important for little children, they like the consistency of pattern. Who knew? I just thought you fed them, bathed them, read a story (1 story!) and then they magically fell asleep. Guess I should have paid more attention. Add this to my expedited crash beginner course in successful parenting.

Picking up the dinner dishes, I load the dishwasher and start to wipe down the counters. Leaning against the table, I look out into the backyard, the scene of so many child and adult happy memories. Running and playing with Ty when we were kids, my mom and dad hiding Easter eggs, hanging around the pool with the Holloways. I can't believe that my life is where it is now. If I could have predicted 5 years ago where I'd be today, I would never have guessed I'd be orphaned, have no brother and be the mom to the twins. Hell, 5 years ago I would have said I'd probably be married to Tucker, a guy I haven't spoken to in probably more than 4 years.

I hear tapping on the kitchen door to my right, looking over I expect to see Mel, but my jaw drops when I see the ghost man himself, Mr. Tucker Holloway.

"Uh hey, I'm surprised to see you Tuck, thank you for coming to the ceremony today. Did you come over for your moms' casserole dish? It's in the fridge, let me clean it off for you and you can take it back to her."

I know I'm rambling, but I am seriously freaked out that he's here. I mean what the hell? I'm freaked out, but I am also angry. What gives him the right to barge in here when I'm trying to get control of my life? I don't need his crap right now, or ever. I'll be polite and cold, just get him out of here quickly.

I push off from the table and turn to get the dish, but Tucker stops me in my tracks. He places both of his hands on my shoulders and looks down at me, looking hard into my eyes. I'm not sure what emotions I see on his face, sadness, regret, kindness? His arms slide around to my back and he pulls me in tight for a deep hug. At first I resist, stiffly trying to back away from him, but he firmly holds me still, I slowly relent and melt into his body. This feels so good, so unbelievably comforting. My cheek against his chest, I feel his heart beat, smell the scent of the Tucker of my childhood, a mix of green grass, sunshine and wood.

"My sweet Sky blue, I'm so fuckin sorry. I'm sorry you lost your family, I'm sorry I've let you down for years, I'm so fuckin sorry I hurt you and left you. But I fuckin promise you, I'm gonna make it all better, I'm gonna fix us and show you that you can depend on me, rely on me to be your strength and your man."

Being wrapped in his arms I'm lulled into a Tucker comfort coma, until he starts speaking, then it's like I'm magically transformed from Sad Sky to Irate Sky.

"Are you f-ing kidding me Tuck? My man? Us? We haven't spoken in years and you think we're going to be together? What the hell? I buried my family today, I'm so freaked out that if someone said the earth was flat I might believe them! But even in my freaked out state, even I know that there is no 'us', that you aren't 'mine', I can't freakin believe you!"

I push away from him stepping back to create some distance from the asshole crazy man. He just smiles at me, with a cocky smirk, walks towards me until I'm backed up against the kitchen counter. Standing in front of me, with one hand he twirls my hair between his fingers, the other hand caresses my cheek.

Breathing out, he sighs deeply, looking into my eyes he holds my attention hostage.

"I am a fucking idiot Sky, I have been for fuckin years. I lost myself and became a fuckin loser. But tonight I told my family, and now I'm telling you. I'm done fuckin up, I'm finished hurting the ones I love. I'm letting you guys know that you are my world, my life and my love. I hid from you guys because I was ashamed of the trash I was doing and what I'd become, but that changed the day I found out that your world was shattered. Your life was thrown up in the air, and we'd drifted so far away from each other that you didn't even think to tell me what had happened to you. You lost everything that mattered, and you reached out to those who love and care for you, and I wasn't one of the ones you reached for. I've been such an asshole that I'm no longer someone you love and count on anymore. Because I was such a dick to you, that you didn't even know that when your world exploded, so did mine. We were best friends, closer than family, loved each other deep and true, and I gave you deep and hard hurt. I'm gonna fix it, and show you Sky, you'll feel and trust in my love. I promise I'll show you that you can believe in us again."

"I don't even have the words to tell you what a crock of bs your throwing at me. You come over here, on the most difficult day of my life, when I have two innocent angels asleep upstairs. You come throwing your sweet words out, like those words will erase or change one tiny bit of the damage you've done for the past 5 years? I really hope you do what you're saying Tucker, I hope that you repair your families heartache. I hope you do that for them and also for you. None of us deserved the crap you threw at us. But don't you for one moment, not a single moment include me in that forgiveness circle." I push away from him and step back a bit. My chest heaving with anger, and I swear, I want to slap his cocky jerk face. I won't, but I seriously want to.

"I forgave you a long time ago Tucker, so cross me off the apology tour. You were wasting your life, so if you're making a change, I'm happy for you. But I am not anywhere in your present or future. I don't have the time, the interest, or the emotional bandwidth to deal with you. Good for you for making a change, but make it away and apart from me." Turning my back to him, I start again with the dishes.

He pulls me back into his arms, leaning down to nuzzle his face into my neck, and kisses me softly several times, right where my neck meets my collarbone. My heart is racing and I'm breathless. He quietly speaks into my ear.

"I'm done with the drugs, done with the drinking, done with the sleazy sex, done with the parties and groupies. I'm fixing my relationships with my family, making damn sure my nephew doesn't think of me as Uncle Asshole anymore."

I snort at that because I think it's pretty funny that Jase thinks Tucks name is Uncle Ashole.

"Like I said before Tucker, I hope that you do make those changes and apologies, everyone deserves to hear them and see changes. But do not put me on that list. I'm over it, I forgave you, and I have ZERO interest in anything else from you. And for the record, if you are really going to make an effort to change, shouldn't you be in rehab right now, not in my kitchen?" I can't explain to him how selfish I find his actions right now.

"Do you think you can throw around apologies and all is better? Jeez Tucker, even I know you have to do the work, get some kind of psychiatric and medical backup. Not just for the drugs you've been on, but for the vomit inducing sexual exposure you've had. I don't even want to think of the sexual circus you are going to have to explain to your future partners." I shiver with the thought of the sheer numbers of people he's been involved with.

"I'm serious Tucker, get help, lots of it, from many sources. But please know, I am not one of those helpful sources you can tap. I've still got a ton of things I need to do tonight, please go. I really can't deal with any of this now, my priorities are upstairs in bed." Shaking my head I cross the room to turn out the light and head upstairs.

"You gotta know now, you're my priority, you and the kids upstairs. You're gonna call me out on all of my crap and the shitty stuff I've done, but most importantly, you and I are going to talk, a lot. Every goddamn day, for the rest of our fuckin lives. We're gonna talk and work this out, I'm gonna fix my fuck ups. Because to be honest Sky, there is no me without you. I've been fuckin vacant and empty for 5 years numbly going through my life in a drunk and drugged up fog. I'm done. You're gonna yell at me, cuss me out, tell me every fucked up hurt I gave you, you're gonna do it as many times as you need to. And I'm gonna apologize over and over again until you can believe in us, and then we're gonna purge all the shit I threw at you. We're gonna be together, you, me, Nell and Colt, we're gonna be a family. I love you Sky. I'll be over in the morning to help with whatever you need. Night baby."

And he's walking out of the kitchen, out the door.

Boom, drop the mic.

What the F just happened? Did he even hear what I told him? Selfish Ashole.