I don't want to open my fucking eyes, but some asshole is pounding on my door and yelling. The dick didn't even leave when I told him I was calling the cops. Fuck! This damn asshole is not going away. My head is pounding and I'm thirsty as fuck so I'll see who it is and what the fuck they want while I go get some water and aspirin.

I open the door and fucking Jake the dick Turner is glaring at me and he takes a swing at me!

"What the fuck you asshole! What's your problem? I didn't miss anything dick, I checked my phone this morning!!"

I blatantly lie as I try to dodge his fucking fist, the truth is I haven't checked a schedule in weeks.

"You dick, if it weren't for your brother I would let your sorry ass rot, but he needs me to help him since you, his fucked up, loser brother aren't around. Clean yourself up asshole, you fucking stink. Your brothers best friend, the only brother he's had for years, and his wife, and Tys parents all died. So, get the fuck ready dick, and try to help someone else for once in your wasted loser life."

Jake is storming around, throwing out bottles and occasionally kicking a piece of furniture.

I drop down to the couch in shock, did I really just hear this?

"What do you mean? Tyler died? What happened?"

"No, you fucking idiot, not just Tyler. Tyler, Rachel, John and Mary, almost the whole fucking family died. They're fucking gone. Their car got hit by a drunk driver three days ago, but your fucking ass couldn't answer a phone or a door. So, your brother and your parents have been trying to plan the funerals and take care of everything. Mel seems to think you're needed there. I fucking don not agree, but it's not my family. So I came here to grab your sorry fucking loser ass, now get the hell up and move asshole!"

"All of them died? Skyler and the babies too? Why didn't anyone tell me? My Skyler's gone? No, fuck no!"

My head drops into my hands, my Sky? How the fuck could she be gone? I always thought I could clean up and bring her back to me, now she's dead? I can't breathe, fuck, my sweet Sky is gone?

"No asshole, not Skyler or the twins, they're ok, but now Sky is the mom for the babies. Kell and Mel and your parents have been helping her the past couple of days, and you've been doing you. Fucking, smoking, snorting, popping pills, you're so fucking selfish. Jesus Christ I can't wait till you're out of the band and I don't have to look at your sorry ass ever again."

At that point some random girl I've never seen before, or more likely, a girl I fucked and don't remember, wanders out of one of the guest rooms. She's wearing a short tight red party dress, and she's holding shoes in her hand. Her hair and makeup are all over the place and she looks like a tired party whore, just like me.

"Ooooo you're Jake Turner from Clashed! You wanna party with us? If you want, I can do you both!"

She offers with enthusiasm, all ready and excited to keep the party going.

Jake levels her with his glare, cold as ice.

"Fuck no. Get the hell out, and get out now before I physically throw you out the door."

She sees that he's deadly serious and she books out the door as fast as she can, not even bothering to put on her shoes before she's out the door.

"When did this happen, what fucking happened? I need to get home, fuck, damn, how is she?"

I start moving into my bedroom, I want to pack some clothes and get to Sky as quickly as I can. I'm fucking stumbling around, knocking into walls, I'm still fucking in shock and probably still drunk and high as well.

Jake follows me, explaining the car accident, the funeral planning, and how poor Sky sat in the hospital by herself while everyone she loved died.

"Look dick, your family needs you. You've been a fuckin selfish user for the past couple of years, time to man up and for once be there for the people who love you. I don't get it man, you have everything, and you've pissed it almost all away. You realize that I've wanted you out of the band for a while now, your brother, Ty and Mel are the only reasons you're still in. You're a fucking drunk and drugged out whore, I'm so done with your ass man. When we brought you in, you were so fuckin awesome, so talented, I KNEW how lucky we were to have locked you down. The first couple of records you were it! People were fucking blown away by your talent. Now, fuck man, you're just a fuckin waste of air and studio space. So fucking try and do something for the people who got you to where you are now, fucking care about someone else for once!"

I think this is the most Jake has talked to me in two years.

Jake hits the wall next to my door so hard that his hand goes through the dry wall. He pulls it out and looks at it, bloody, dusty knuckles.

"Fuck, I've got to play the guitar at the funeral tomorrow, I think I just broke my fuckin hand!"

He takes a deep breath, leans against the wall, tilting his head back, closing his eyes.

He quietly begins to speak.

"We need to talk about the band stuff another time. I shouldn't dump it right now. Pack up, you're still to fucked up to drive, I'll take you home, but not to your parents house. I'm gonna drop you at a hotel. There's too much going on there right now, and they don't need the drama that you being there will bring. I heard you call her 'Your Sky', I'm not even gonna deal with that now, but you gotta know man. Leave her alone now. That poor girls heart is broken, and now she's raising two babies. You've treated her like shit and ignored her for years, do her a favor and keep ignoring her, she can't deal with your fucked up trashy world now, and honestly, she shouldn't have to deal with your trashy ass."

How in the fuck did I let my life get to the point where people need to protect my family from me? My fucking family is going through a crisis, and me being there would cause more harm to them than good. How did I get so far away from them, so far away from me?

I can't remember the last time I even spent time with my parents, maybe a year ago, two? I honestly don't recall. The last time I spent any time with Kell that was unrelated to the band? Probably years. His wife Mel is always nice to me, yet I treat her like shit. Their son Jase, calls me 'Uncle Ash', because he's heard people call me "Asshole" for so long he thinks that my name is Ashole.

And Skyler. Fucking Sky. I haven't spent any time with her since my fuck up years ago. She's avoided me to the point where I just stopped trying to get her to talk to me. I fucking love that girl, I've always loved her and she used to love me. But I threw all of that away for easy drugs and easier pussy.

I know she's had boyfriends, two serious ones for sure. I've seen the pictures on social media, I've heard Ty and Kell talk about them when they don't think I'm listening. I've even watched her at concerts when she thought I wasn't around. I know the game she plays, she watches the concert from seats in the audience, then runs out of the venue and meets up with the guys at some club or restaurant where they'd never chance running in to me. They all protect her from me, because I'm the pig that made her sad, I'm the loser they have to protect her from.

And as true as that is, she never talked bad about me. I know for a fucking fact that she defended me to her brother, Jake and Kell, telling them they needed to give me a break, I was young and it was all too fucking easy for me. Let me grow up and out of the shit I was doing. They listened to her for a while, and then they all just stopped talking about me, hoping I'd change, basically they all gave up on me.

Why shouldn't they? My parents never gave up, but even they started looking at me with sad eyes. Now all them just avoid me, and I avoid them. We see each other at band meetings, rehearsals or concerts. I don't even know my nephew, he just knows me as asshole.

The past 5 years I've stocked my life with people who give nothing, and drugs that take everything. The people that filled my world with love and meaning now sit on the outside of my world, sad observers waiting and watching for my listing ship to sink. They ask for nothing, and I give them nothing but sadness, stress and heartbreak.

Skyler, my best friend in the world, lost both her parents, her brother and his wife, and found out that she is now the mother to her niece and nephew. Never did it occur to her to call me and let me know, to reach out for help or compassion. Because I ghosted out of her life 5 years ago, left her thinking that she was less important to me than cheap sex and drugs.

I look across the room at Jake, essentially my boss and a man who honestly hates me, yet he still came here to confront me and get me to wake up and man up in my family.

"I'm so fucking sorry I've let you all down Jake, I fucking need to get back to you all. Thank you for letting me know, I swear I'm gonna fix all the shit I've broken. If you think a hotel is best, then that's what I'll do. But I think I need to plan on staying home long term. I need out of LA, I'm just a fucked up loser here. Thanks man, I appreciate it."

Jake looks at me, does his fucking steel-eyed stare, the man is a fucking ice statue.

"OK, I'll help you, because I think you finally see how far you've gone, and how much you've lost, and I think you really do want back. But man, you need to fix yourself first, before you can fix your relationships. Come on, let's get going, I'm fucking exhausted. The last couple of days have been some of the worst of my life, and tomorrow is gonna suck even more than I can even imagine."