I can't breathe. I've been numb since I got the phone call three days ago. I still can't believe it's true, but the reality is the two heartbroken little bodies jumping in my lap and crying their eyes out right now.

My mother and father, my brother Tyler and his wife Rachel were driving home from a restaurant last night when a drunk driver t-boned their car. My mom and dad died at the scene, Rachel never regained consciousness and died at the hospital. My brother was semi coherent when I arrived at the hospital, but he died shortly after telling me to take care of their babies and that he loved me and was proud of me. The last words he spoke to me were, "Rach and I will watch over you and the kids, you can do this, I love you so much Sky. I need to get to Rachel now, bye Skyler, love you."

And then he died. My brother, my sister in law, my mother and father, have all died. In the space of 1 hour, I lost almost all of my family.

So here I am, 23 years old, and in charge of my 3 year old twin niece and nephew. Sweet, perfect and beautiful Nell and Colt Strickland who went to sleep last night with parents and grandparents who loved them, and woke up this morning to just me, their freaked out, worried, sad and devastated aunt. I am not enough, and I will never be enough to help them grow up. I have no idea how to be a parent, I can barely adult for myself. Now I'm going to be in charge of guiding the two most precious people in my world to adulthood?

From the moment I called Mel from the hospital, she, Kell and the Holloways have been here for me. Helping me with figuring out how to be a mom, a dad, a grandma and a grandpa.

Thank goodness for Mel, she's been everything, helping with the kids when I start to cry, trying to rein me in when I start zoning out. How in the hell am I going to do this???

Ty and Rach sold their house a few weeks ago, they'd been living at mom and dads while they looked for a new home that was big enough for the four of them. My boyfriend Lucas and I broke up a few months ago so now I live in a tiny apartment in LA, there's barely enough room for me, so it's painfully obvious I need to move into my parents house so the kids have room, and I have the Holloways close by.

Tomorrow is the funeral, and I can't believe that I'm burying almost my entire family. Kell helped me decide to have them cremated, and then we'll spread the ashes later, so for now we'll have a funeral ceremony at St. Michaels, and then people will gather at the Holloways next door after the funeral. That way I can be there, but then take the kids back to this house when they get tired or too overwhelmed.

The funeral director asked me what kind of flowers Mom and Rach would want at their funeral. What the fuck???? I don't think they knew, why in the world would Rach think about her funeral when she was only 28 years old?

Mel suggested we get the same flowers that Rach had in her wedding bouquet, she loved her wedding, and her flowers were beautiful. I remember because she discussed them for weeks afterward, and Kell would always buy her the same flowers to surprise her.

Blue Bachelor buttons, green hydrangeas, purple delphinium, raspberry peonies, pink tulips and pink alstroemeria, purple asters, light blue belladonna, roses in all shades of pink and cream.

The funeral is going to be tough, mom and dad, Ty and Rach all had so many friends, it's going to be so crowded, and I've decided that I want to speak. I want to make sure that I honor them and share with other people what a wonderful and loving family they were.

The ceremony will start at 10:00 am, at the altar will be the four urns with their ashes, how can that be all that's left of the people I love? Urns with ashes.

Kell helped me pick some music that he and Jake will play on their guitars. Playing a few songs that were important to them, Amazing Grace, moms favorite, Over the Rainbow, the Iz version which Rach loved, and Up All Night, by the Talking Heads, which Ty used to sing to the twins. Then people will wander back to their homes and their lives and then after everyone is gone, I'll try to figure out how to fix the lives for two little guys and me.

Realizing that I need to get the appropriate outfits for Nell and Colt, I hustle them into the car and we head out to the mall. I've got the stroller in the back of the car, so hopefully this will be a quick in and out trip. I need a suit and dress and two pairs of dress shoes for 3 year olds.

For their parents funeral.

This couldn't be more surreal and wrong.