Photo of Mariano di Vaio who plays Sebastian Monteiro.

I was suffering a huuuge Writers Block-- the worst WB in the history of WB.

This chapter is not edited. There will be many mistakes. Some things may even not add up.

SEBASTIAN MONTEIRO POV

If I am not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?

Playlist-

Nsync- Gone

Boys || Men- On Bended Knees

R Kelly- If I Could Turn Back The Hands of Time

Backstreet Boys- Incomplete (bonus)

I had been dreadfully disgusted-- rather repulsed altogether by the heavily revolting, pathetic and piteous image of my own self.

Under, even, the sharp spatter of the streaming shower head still my body remained sweltering, scorchingly hot as though I were a wandering man in the desert having no access to water and were very nearly dropping dead-- a certain sort of a panic attack of some kind.

God-- had Miss Luca detested me so that she had not been willing to see with her own two eyes how God damn much I loved her? How badly I needed her?

Could truthfully had she not seen I were clrarly a vacous shell of a man without her? Without the effectuation of our love-- our beautiful child?

Did Miss Luca not see the pain and self loathe in my lifeless eyes -- the compunction, whenever I looked at her and was reminded of all the times in our past I had iniquitiously caused her excruciating tribulations?

God. So many times selfishly I had hurt the woman I loved.

"I am so damn sorry baby"the words echoed into the room, deriding me, making mockery.

"Fuck" a raw,bestial,howl belted, thundered from my throat as I mauled the mirror with my fists, the sound as the splinters sliced the flesh of my knuckles stinging, burning, the sound as the reflector shattered ear piercing and disparging. Still-- I did not soon cease. I continued to patter the glass, battering my fists, the physical pain had not even remotely equated to that of the internal, the ache into my heart.

As though I were a man who had lost every last ounce of his sanity, I vociferated. "Miss Luca, tell me you love me -- tell me you will forgive me-- tell me you will be with me. Baby please"and I commenced to pound the solid tiled wall till the time my hands were benumbed and facilely blood from the joints of my fingers.

I wept. "I am so sorry baby."

***

I pulled quickly over my head the Hood of the dark grey coloured pullover whilst slowly the glistening golden doors of the elevator swept open.

"I am coming baby" to myself I quietly repeated the mantra as I jogged to the door of Miss Luca's suite-- and although my hands pained and pounded like a bitch, I had not focused on that. For now-- that had only been a minute issue. All that mattered was getting to Miss Luca. I would tell her how sorry I am for all the times I had caused her pain-- and how much I loved her. I would then plead for her forgiveness-- for another opportunity to start over, for our family-- for me.

You do have it all planned out. Yes? Henceforth what can go wrong?

I were certain it would not be a walk over-- that Miss Luca would rather be condemned than to dash into my arms. But I swore to God even if it took the penultimate ounce of breath I possessed, I would not cease until my love and our child were apart of my life-- again.

..

At a slow speed, not wanting to cause her alarm, I quietly, cautiously encroached closer into the kitchen where I had heard the breaking of glass , denoting the presence of Miss Luca.

"Baby, " I whispered almost as if speaking to myself as I inched up to where she crouched lifting the larger pieces of glass from the polished floor.

"My love" again I spoke--louder.

Rather than responding in pure wrathfullness that I had a second time made entry into her suite unadmittedly, softly she laughed, the sound beautiful, euphonious and enchanting however at the sane time the words she enunciated as she rose penetrated painfully my scarcely holding soul.

"Sebastian I detest you"

I had heard the words before -- damn they shone from her eyes like a spotlight, just the same at her utterance another piece of me died.

I choked, beseeching her, pleading. "Baby I know and I deserve it but I don't want you to hate me my love-- I want you to love me . I have hurt you so many times and God knows I am so damn sorry. Miss Luca I need you. I need Sebriina baby. Do you not see I am dying with out you-- how badly I need you? Baby I love you so much I am losing my mind "

She came to stand before me, her necks bruised from countless bites-- marks I gave her. It was a beautiful sight to behold.

She came to stand before me and studied my face as if I were to her a stranger-- her eyes dark and cold. Twice, herr palm connected with my face.

"How dare you come here and behave as though you are a victim, you damn selfish bastard. I loved you Sebastian and I worshipped the very ground you graced even as you walked over me. Wholeheartedly would I have done whatever it was you requested of me and yet because of your foolish pride you were unwilling to get the help you needed not even for your family and still you have the damn gall to tell me that you love me-- that you are sorry? I will tell you a secret, after I left you for nights atop of nights I could not sleep as I missed and yearned for you. I was twice hospitalized for severe depression. Up to now it is a God damn marvel I was not institutionalized and my child not taken away from me."

I know. I am sorry baby.

"For months I waited for you, to find me-- to tell me you were getting help, for us-- for yourself but you never showed. Then I realised I loved a man who loved only himself. You have never deserved me or my child-- and don't you ever dare believe you do."

"Miss Luca" I aspired to form words above the deafening roar of my pounding heart but no sound came. My own words were throttling me.

"My love" I choked and shameless tears fell freely down my face. "I have gotten help. I have not swallowed a drop of liquor since you left me. Baby I have religiously been attending anger management therapy sessions. I am a changed man Miss Luca-- a man who knows he has made unjustifiable errors but has worked so damn hard to be worthy of his family. Grant me another opportunity to prove all of this -- I beg you"

She shook her head and fingered my bandaged hands. "You claim to have changed, yes? Yet you cannot hold your rage enough to refrain from hurting yourself. You are a sick man Sebastian. Now that we have both had our say, it is best you leave."

With trembling hands, I reached for her shoulders and thrusted her against the wall and held on to her throat. "Miss Luca--baby stop please. Do you not see I cannot leave you? Not now--not ever"

...