Copyright © 2013 by Ladylurve

All rights reserved.

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“Why are we leaving Daddy, Mommy?” Jake asked. Lisa looked at her son and saw his confused look. She had postponed breaking the imminent divorce news to her son, thinking it was better for him. But seeing the confused look on his face, she felt it was time to tell him. I’ve got to tell him something at least, she thought. She stopped folding his clothes and took a long deep breath. But before she could manage a reply, Jake interrupted.

“Is it ‘cause Daddy’s been naughty again?” Jake asked. Lisa hesitated, and then managed a small smile. She was not sure what made her smile. Jake’s question seemed light years away from his age in her opinion. He is only five years old, yet he is acutely aware of her marital problems. She felt embarrassed and strangely comforted at the same time. In a world where no one else understood her, she found comfort in her own son despite his young age. Yes, he is the best reason for me to continue living, she said to herself.

“What did you say, Mommy?” Jake asked her, yet again. She reached out and placed both her palms on his shoulders. Arching and lowering her back so that their eyes were leveled, she said softly, “Jake, Mommy and Daddy need some time apart. Do you understand what that means?”

She tried to maintain a calm look despite the turmoil inside her. Jake tilted his head and looked at the ceiling briefly before closing his eyes, deep in thought. His answer came slow, as though he was stringing the words in his mind before saying them out loud.

“It means…we will live…with Papi!” He said the final two words excitedly. He opened up his eyes and smiled. She wished she could return his smile at that moment, but the prospect of living with her father, even temporarily, was not something she looked forward to. Her father, a gentle man in his sixties, was a goal-driven person who basked in his children’s achievements. She could only assume the disappointment he felt must have been monumental when she called asking for assistance last week. As far as Lisa knows, none of her siblings have ever failed at anything. If she could wish for anything in this world, she wished she could crawl into a dark space and disappear forever. But she knew that was not an option. No, that would be unfair to Jake, she thought.

The troubles in her marriage began even before the marriage consummated. Lisa should have seen it then but her lack of experience with boys could never have prepared her for this. At one point in her life, she even thought it was a good thing to argue in a relationship. Apparently, couples who did were supposedly passionate lovers who throve in such dramatic and emotional scenarios. Lisa huffed at the memory of their first fight. How she wished she was not so naïve then. How she wished she could have known then. That was the day she almost left him. She should have left him. What a different world she would be in now if she did.

“Shit, I’ve missed the turning!” His anger was audible as he flicked the lever. Horrified with what he was about to do, Lisa said, “You can’t make a U-turn here. It’s a double line!”

He shrugged her off. Far too easily, Lisa noted.

“This is a busy road. You might get caught,” she added.

“You worry too much. I know what I’m doing. Just watch.” He replied as he rotated the steering wheel quickly and pressed the gas pedal. Just as Lisa thought they were going to make it, he lost control of the steering wheel. Lisa watched in horror as he lost grip of the steering wheel, causing the car to swerve violently on the opposing road. In the same instance, she heard loud honks. But before she could grasp the unfolding situation, a sudden bang from the back caused the car to jerk violently and come to an abrupt halt.

“SHIT!” He cursed. That’s twice in less than 5 minutes, she mused. Lisa thought men were supposed to watch their language in front of women. Clearly he must have missed that lesson when he was in school.

“Rules and regulations exist for a reason, you know,” she said quietly.

He turned to look at her and Lisa saw a flash of anger across his face. She leaned back on her chair, moving as further away from him as possible. But he merely closed his eyes and breathed deeply.

“Don’t talk to me right now,” he said as he slowly opened his eyes, “but just stay in the car while I handle this.” Then he opened the door and walked out towards the back of the car.

Lisa unbuckled her seat belt and turned around to get a better view of the impending drama. The driver, who rammed their car, was standing in front of her own car with both hands on her hips. Despite the sunglasses she was sporting, visible frown was clear on her face as she watched him walking over towards her.

That was the incident that triggered so many of their arguments until today. The first of many was later that day. The very same day the accident occurred. Memories of that fight remained vivid in her mind until now.

He was sending her home. It was night time, hours after the accident. Against her instincts, she needed some answers from him. Her curiosity overtook her desire to keep things simple and pleasant between them.

“Why did she smile at you?” Lisa asked. Whether he was caught off guard, or pretending to be blur about whom she was referring to, she was not certain.

“Huh? Who are you talking about?” He asked, instead.

“The girl from the accident earlier, remember? She seemed angry but when you spoke to her, she laughed. I even saw her smile as you left,” Lisa explained. It was dark in the car so she could not see his expression. But it took him almost a minute to reply.

“I can’t remember what that was about. Wasn’t important,” he said. His brief answers and quick dismissals on almost any topic she prodded became one too many for her. She could not let this one go.

“Why are you always dismissing everything I asked,” Lisa asked, unable to hide the accusatory tone in her voice. She felt the car speeding faster but his eyes were fixed on the road.

“What the hell are you talking about? Where is this coming from? Are you getting your period or something?” He retorted.

“Don’t answer my questions with more questions! You are always so evasive!” she shouted. Her breathing was in short and quick rhythm now. The dissatisfactions she felt throughout knowing him were bursting at the seams. He pulled the car up to the side of the road and brought it to a halt.

“Okay, fine. What do you want to know?” He asked.

“I want to know what you said to that girl earlier!” Lisa demanded.

“I don’t remember. It must have been some stupid joke. For all I know, she’s stupid and everything was just funny to her. It wasn’t intentional, I assure you.” Finality set in his tone.

“It sure as hell didn’t look that way from where I was watching,” she continued, “unless you’re lying to me.”

That was a big blow for him. He finally turned his head and looked at her before shouting, “HOW DARE YOU CALL ME A LIAR! You weren’t out there, I WAS! So you have no right to accuse me! Did you hear something?” He emphasized the word ‘hear’.

“No but–” She remembered the way that girl laughed, which piqued her interest. Something was not quite right. No, something did not feel right. He interrupted her before she could answer further.

“You know, I think you’re just looking for a reason to argue with me,” he said, returning the accusation. Astonished that he flipped the situation, she grabbed the door handle and opened the door.

The cool air hit her face as she stepped out of the door. Even the air is mocking me, she thought. Then she slammed the door and started walking away from the car. It took less than five steps before he came running out towards her.

“Are you crazy? Come back inside,” he pleaded. Not desperate enough, she thought. Then she wondered if he would do absolutely anything to win her heart. She decided to test his limits.

“Get lost. I know how to find my way home,” she said testily. Lisa expected him to persuade her to get back into the car but was rudely surprised when he made no such attempt. She continued walking with her head in the air, carrying her dignity with every step.

A few minutes later, she heard the sound of his car slowly approaching. Relieved that he made the right decision, she tried her best to look nonchalant despite the strong pounding in her heart. She continued walking and looking straight ahead. The sound of the car window rolling down made her head turn slightly. Then she saw him and their eyes met for the briefest moment. She saw anger in those eyes but before she could look away, he shouted, “Have it your way, bitch!”

Then the car sped away, leaving her alone by the roadside.