《Saanwli Si Raat》21. Bardaasht (Control)
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Zubiya stared at herself as she sat in front of the mirror. Donned up in an olive green-colored sharara with orange-red-pink border and a red dupatta lined with golden tassels over her head she looked like a perfect to-be bride. Well, she is a to-be bride.
Today is her haldi ceremony.
She is finally about to get married to Asfand.
With everyone's blessings.
Including her father's.
Her father who had finally realized his mistakes had been feeling guilt. It eventually made him turn to her mamu for help to find her.
Her mamu, who had been very angry hung up on him without replying. He had asked Zubiya if she wanted to even meet him.
What she had to answer was... nothing. Silence.
What could she say? She was confused.
Should she? Should she forgive him? So quickly? She knew one thing though - that the society will take pity on her father quickly. They will instead accuse her.. blame her for not granting him forgiveness. They will say that she should.. as it's the right thing to do.
But what was the right thing in her case? Shouldn't they have listened to what she had to say? Shouldn't they have had given her a chance then? Was it right when her brother kicked her out of her house while her father watched and did nothing? Was that right?
She had so many questions and yet no answers. Her whole body trembled with unknown suppressed feelings whenever she tried to remember that day.. when she sat alone, crying against the main gate of her house. She had no one beside her, both in reality and in physical presence. Because who could she look up to - everyone had turned their backs on her. Which was why she had eventually looked up above at the sky and asked Allah SWT for help. And she believed because of HIS mercifulness, she was here today. At a place where she was now surrounded by her real loved ones. Who really cared for her. So unlike her blood-related relatives.
She was happy here. Finally. And now they've decided to come back into her life again.
In Islam, it is advised against keeping long-distance between blood-relatives. She had lost count of how many times she had read through that hadees.
The real truth was that it was them who had decided to banish her from their house, their perfect lives. Not her.
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But she had still felt guilty for not trying to contact them. But how could she? On what terms? They had pushed her away. It wasn't her that left the house.
She jumped when a knock sounded softly at the door.
"Zubiya, it's me. Open the door." Asfand said softly through the door.
"Come inside, please. I can't get up from my position here. The door is already open." She replied back.
Asfand quietly opened the door and tiptoed inside. He locked the door quickly before turning towards her.
His breath caught as he took Zubiya fully in.
He cleared his throat after a couple minutes and slowly started walking towards her.
Zubiya looked up as Asfand entered her room and locked the door. She noticed he was wearing a white simple kurta-pajama with a black shawl around his neck and had worn a jinnah hat to complement the look. He reminded her of the men she used see in the black-and-white photos during the 70s-80s from her history book.
But he looked so well. It really suited him. Gazing at him, she realized he was gazing at her in the same as she was at the moment. It made her quite nervous and she quickly looked down, feeling a hot-blush spread on her cheeks.
"One sight of yours was enough.. You're the salve to my racing heart. Now, how can I go back downstairs after seeing you like this? Can't we put turmeric on each other, here? Only us? We can do the traditional stuff later as well, what do you say?"
"I knew you would say this so I already got some turmeric in a small bowl by Gaiti bhabi."
"It's not fair! Wo humari har cheez janti hain.. Kya kuch humare beech secret nahi hain kya?" Asfand slightly whined, making a pouting face at her.
Zubiya laughed lightly as she turned towards him, and slightly pulled both his cheeks.
"'Why - there is one! Our long talks at the terrace are still a secret of ours. I hope so, though. Because I don't know how - but she becomes aware of everything. She's the all-knower, I guess." Zubiya shrugged at him.
Asfand rolled his eyes at her, "I'll never completely understand you girls."
"Hmm. Because, this is between us girls. And you have no business butting your head in here."
"Whatever. Now should we put the turmeric? Before we get interrupted?" Asfand asked, moving his right palm forward for the bowl.
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Zubiya nodded her head as she opened the first drawer of her dressing table and took out the small bowl and handed it to him.
Asfand smiled at her softly as he lightly applied it on both her cheeks, her forehead and on her nose, making her squeal slightly.
Asfand chuckled as he handed the bowl to her and waited for her to apply.
Zubiya looking at him with narrowed eyes, applied the turmeric on his forehead, cheeks and was about to put on his nose when he lifted his hand making her jump and her fingers touched his lips instead.
Zubiya gasped as Asfand held her hand still over his lips and slightly kissed her fingers.
She looked down, feeling shy again.
Asfand came closer to her ear, her fingers still held over his lips and whispered, "I love you, Zubiya Khalil. And I really don't know if I'll be able to wait for the next three days."
"We have waited for so many years. These three days will pass by on a whim. We won't even feel it."
"I really love how optimistic you are." Asfand chuckled as he finally let go of her hand and pulled one of her cheeks.
"At least one needs to be, right?" Zubiya said as she grinned cheekily at him.
And then she remembered that her father wanted to attend her wedding. To give her his blessings.
Immediately, her smile vanished as she looked up at Asfand.
"You must have heard, right? That my father has come to know everything about me?" She asked him softly.
Asfand grimaced slightly as he nodded at her. "Yes. Gaiti bhabi has informed me about everything. She was the one who wanted me to at least visit you once before the function."
"I guess she knew that I needed you right now." Zubiya said softly as she tried to put her arms around his waist to hold him close to her without putting turmeric on his clothes.
"And I don't know anything, right? I was anyway about to give you a visit. How could I not be the first one to see my to-be bride? I have every right!" Asfand exclaimed as he slowly wiped off the turmeric from Zubiya's face, fingers and then from his own.
After wiping off the turmeric he suddenly grabbed Zubiya in a tight hug, with his chin touching her forehead. Zubiya hugged him back, tightly.
"Asfi? Why is my father coming here? I don't want to keep any relationship with him anymore. I have my real family with me. Here. And that is what matters to me. You. Our family. How can it be possible -the guilt he didn't feel in five years has all of a sudden woken up in him? That too, when I am getting married? Is this one of their tricks to insult me- "
"Zubiya! You're thinking way forward! It can be possible that he might really feel guilt over what he did and wants to seek forgiveness? I don't think there is any harm in meeting with him once. And then it's up to you for you to decide if you want to forgive him or not. I'll be there with you. And this time I won't leave you alone for even a single minute. I swear. But remember one thing. In this world, the one who forgives is the greater one. Allah SWT is the most merciful. He has forgiven the greatest of the greatest sins. But he is willing to only if the sinner asks for it. Then who are we to decide to not grant forgiveness to someone who is really asking for it - from his heart? And after all we are just HIS creations." Asfandyar said as he looked into her eyes which were brimming with unshed tears.
Zubiya shook her head and bit her lip to control her sob as tears ran down her cheeks. She sniffled as she looked back at him. "Allah has been the most merciful on me. HE has sent you in my life for my protection. And I am thousand times thankful to him for that. How can I disappoint HIM by not following his instructions? You're right. There is no harm in meeting my father once. And anyhow, I'm not that girl anymore. I have changed. I can fight my own battles now. I have no fears. Because I have my Allah, my mother, you and our family with me. I don't require anyone else."
"I am so proud of you, Zubiya. So proud." Asfand said as he kissed her forehead and wrapped his arms around her again.
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