I left Doresly whimpering, but alive.

There was a pronounced bounce in my step as I walked down the hall, humming under my breath. The other patients knew I was there now and watched me through the bars. One opened his mouth, beginning to spew vile words at me but the golden eyed Alpha waiting in the door loosed a single, warning snarl.

The man fell silent.

Those waiting in the room, Blav, Lux, Carada and the Ravager Adken, all eyed me when I walked inside. There was blood on my hands, the taste of flesh in my mouth. Easton held the door and stepped behind me, his chest a whisper away from my back.

"Well, an interesting approach." Carada commented. "I've been questioning that man for days and within five minutes, he's a blubbering mess."

"He's frightened by me."

"No." The older Lycan eyed me contemplatively. "I have seen frightened people. Rarely have I seen a man broken down to desperate, irrational terror."

"What can I say?" I examined my hands, unwilling to look at Lux. "He never took my threats seriously when I was kept behind an unbreakable wall. He laughed at me, but I think deep down, he knew that if I had the chance, I would make good on my promise."

"You promised to shatter his remaining hand." Carada pointed out.

"I promised that he would never tear another person open." I levelled my gaze at the low Alpha once more. "I took the fingers on one hand to save myself some torment. What is a doctor without their hands? Today, I shattered the other hand. Maybe, I'll crack open his skull and take his last weapon. I've given him an ultimatum. It's up to him to decide who he fears more. Me, or the Ravi."

"You're a little demented." Adken appraised me. "I knew Doc-Mai's fear of you was justified."

"Doc-Mai isn't afraid of me." I scowled at the mention of her. "She isn't capable of anything other than cruelty and annoying perfect hair."

"Hmm." The Ravager examined his nails, "She made us in your image."

"You're making it sound like she's in love with me now." I glanced at Lux briefly, but she was staring down at the screen with a slight frown. I cleared my throat, my tone jovial. "I wouldn't blame her. I have always been a charming soul."

Blav snorted.

Easton brushed my shoulder. "Would you like to wash your hands?"

"Good idea. I'd hate to get blood on your fancy, expensive things."

He smiled at me. "I can afford another."

"Silly." I moved to touch his arm, startingly when I marked him with red. Doresly's blood marked him, trailed along the tanned, scarred skin of his arm. "Oh. You've ... I ..."

I marked another part of me, but I didn't care about that. I stepped away from him, looking to Lux again. My peppermint friend watched me with a shuttered expression, hands wrapped around herself.

A lump hardened in my throat and the joy, the relief of enacting my revenge against Doresly fell and crashed. The realization that this, that this choice might turn Lux against me crashed through me, destroying the high of Doresly's agony.

My breath pinched. She would know what I was and that I enjoyed pain.

I fisted my shaking hands. "I need to wash my hands."

I pushed back out through the opposite door, panic catching in my throat. There was a heavy step before the Alpha followed me. "The bathroom is down on the right."

I ignored him and slipped into the bathroom, leaving drops of blood along the corridor as my own claws cut into my palms. It would heal. It would always heal.

A hand caught the door before I swung it shut. The bathroom was small, like an afterthought in the construction of the sprawling compound. The Alpha lingered in the door, concern pinching his brow.

"You're bleeding."

"It's Doresly's blood."

"I know the scent of your blood, Nova." Easton told me swiftly. "That is your blood."

I flicked on the sink and stuck my hands under the water. As he continued to wait, I raised a hand to show him the ripped skin of my palms.

"Why did you do that?" He leashed himself tight, but his burning concern was obvious.

"I – I prefer my own pain over those I care about. I hurt myself, or them."

"You wouldn't hurt Lux." Easton stepped inside, a looming shadow in the door. "I know that with as much certainty as I know that the sun will always rise, no matter what happens in the night. That the rain will fall and wash away bloodshed and leave the earth untouched."

"Are you a poet too? Another accolade of yours. A gardener. A painter. A poet."

"I will never understand the depth of what they did to you, Nova, but I think you see yourself as what the Ravi created. A monster on paper and never considering the human aspects of you that they couldn't erase. They might have added a little bit of Lycan and other things into you, but that doesn't mean they pulled out your humanity."

"I've done terrible things." I croaked.

"If we didn't need Doresly for information, I would have pulled that man's spine out through his neck." Easton's voice dipped, low and raging for just a moment. "I wouldn't feel a modicum of guilt for cutting down a man like that."

"I don't feel guilty for hurting him."

"You've spent eight years under the Ravi's thumb. You aren't going to shake their torment in a few months. No matter how much you want to."

I stared down at my hands again, at the blood on my finger-tips. My hands were shaking, but I didn't feel guilty for hurting Doresly. I never would.

Easton stepped closer and from behind me, took hold of my hands in a gentle grip. He moved my hands under the water, washing my hands. The water in the bowl turned pink-red. I dragged my attention up to Easton, watching the concentration on his face. Such a small task and yet, it had all his concentration and care.

Only when my hands were clean, did he look up.

His gaze met mine. His hand slipped back, long fingers around my wrists.

His chest swelled against my back, his breath shaky in release. He made to release me, his cheeks darkening. "I should go."

A subtle shake of my head. "No. Stay."

"Stay?"

In a move that was purposeful and sent a thrill of bundling nervous though me, I took one of his hands and set it on my hip. I kept my eyes on his and he I, both tracking the other for a wrong move made, a flicker of uncertainty.

The Alpha's hand curled on my hip. He looked at me through the mirror, eyes molten gold. I could not look away from him, even as I wanted to trace the trail of his hand as it made its soft path over a bony hip and back up. His finger-tips were so soft, so gentle against my ribs.

I shivered at the feel of him, the warmth of him behind me. He was impossible to ignore, a wall of muscle and leaking heat that seemed to swell inside the small bathroom.

He watched my face carefully, waiting for an expression that would tell him to stop. I could not make myself speak, entranced by his touch.

"Nova." He murmured my name, his gaze dropping and his lashes brushing against his cheekbones. His lips traced my temple. He whispered my name again, a hand moving over my breasts, my thudding heart to cup my neck softly.

"Nova." He kissed my cheek and I leaned into him.

I continued to watch him, enthralled. He towered over me, he eclipsed me and yet, his touch was so soft. So reverent. Something small and ignored inside me cried at the attention that I had been starved of and I begged myself not to ruin it on myself. When I looked at myself, I did not see those cold, awful eyes.

My eyes were bright, my cheeks flushed red and lips parted in a startingly human expression.

I wanted to drown in it, drown in him.

I turned quickly and Easton startled, searching my expression for panic. There was none. He went to speak my name, but I hooked my hand around the back of his neck and pulled his face down to mine. I captured his mouth, unyielding in my approach and the Alpha took no time in meeting it. He curled his fingers in my hair, tugging hard to make me gasp. The moment of weakness was what he wanted, what I needed.

He kissed me deeply, a hand in my hair, the other pressing into my lower back to draw me closer to him. He kissed me as if to make up for the years apart, kissed me as if we had spent all that time together too. The warmth of him, the feeling fluttering viscously inside my chest made me feel giddy, alive. He edged a hand under my shirt, rough finger-prints against my heating skin.

"Let me," He breathed, his breath hot against the shell of my ear. "Let me show you how good I can make you feel."

I craved his hands so much that I thought my insides would bunch. Craved it far more than I had ever wanted blood, ever wanted to tear the flesh from another. I dipped my chin and his body shifted, that molten gold holding my gaze once more as his knuckles brushed against my lower stomach.

He popped the button on my jeans. With his hands smoothing down my legs, he dragged my jeans down. He knelt before me, bowing his head to focus on helping me step out of my pants. One hand brushed over my bare leg and he glanced back up at me.

"I like this view." I murmured.

His nostril flared and a growl escaped him. "You do, do you?"

He stayed kneeling, hands on my legs. I didn't want to delve through the mess in my mind. I was inexperienced when I knew he wasn't, but I wasn't naïve. I wasn't innocent, but the pressure building in my lower stomach was a delicious distraction from my usual macabre pursuits.

He toyed with the edge of my underwear, the hint of a fond smile rising. "Your fashion tastes extend to your underwear. I'll make sure not to rip it."

"You better not." Softly, softly, I traced a hand along his jaw and then over his thick hair. "These were hard to find."

The underwear was preserved.

I had been naked in front of men before. Disinterested, cruel men who didn't care what was between my legs, only in what they could break and remake. I had been ashamed at the lack of privacy before but I had gotten used to it. I had never felt the way I did now, as Easton stared up at me, still kneeling. The country's most powerful Lycan brought to his knees so easily.

"Do you trust me, Nova?" He asked softly.

The answer came easier than it should have. It came so quickly that I was frightened by it. Still, I answered. "Yes."

--------------------------------------

I didn't know what to think.

There was a delicious heaviness in my bones that melted me back against the leather of the jeep. I stared out the window, staring at the passing countryside as Blav and Lux argued back and forth about what should be ordered for dinner. It had been a long day. No one was up for cooking.

"Nova?"

"Hmmm?" I blinked over at Lux. "Yes?"

"Would you like beef or chicken for dinner?" She played with the rings on her fingers, but met my eyes unabashedly. I had been looking for signs that my peppermint friend was disgusted by me but she had shown no signs of disgust. She was either a good liar, or a too good soul.

Easton was silent in the front seat. When I glanced at the back of his head, I caught his glance at me in the rear-view mirror. It only made the heat in my cheeks burn more. My lack of experience might have been really obvious, but I hadn't known a man's hands and mouth could make me so...

Happy. And calm all at the same time. All weird words that Lux could use better than me.

Poor Easton. He gave me far too much credit for controlling my desires, bloody or otherwise. We returned to Lunar and Lux was the first to leave the car, pulling her coat around herself tight. Blav glanced at Easton, then at me. "Nicolas asked to see her after and she said no."

"I will talk to her." I left the car, distinctly aware that it was Lux who had always been the one to comfort me and root out my problems. Now that the shoe was on the other foot, I felt as if I had been a bad friend. Was this because she had seen me as I was, or because there were problems with her and Nicolas that I hadn't picked up on?

If he had hurt her...

She knelt in the garden, sullying the knees of her trousers on the mucky ground. She didn't hear me standing there, nor did she feel the weight of my stare. When I spoke, I kept my voice soft. "Lux?"

Eyes widening, she glanced up at me. "Meg! Uh, Nova."

"Call me whatever you want."

"You're going to get a cold kneeling on the wet ground."

"I'm not that breakable." Lux waved away my concerns. "A little coldness wouldn't strike me down."

There were dark clouds on the horizon, but I loved the scent of incoming rain. It felt as if could scoop out my insides and cleanse me. "You've been quiet since we got back. I'm getting worried."

"I don't want you to worry about me."

"You're my friend. Of course, I would worry about you." I watched her face, ready to catch a glimpse of disgust. "Are you... you either saw or heard what I did to Doresly. Are you afraid of me now? I wouldn't hold it against you if you were."

Her brows scrunched. "Afraid. Afraid. Oh Nova, I'm not afraid of you."

"Then why are you so quiet?"

"They had reports on you in that room. Reports about experimentation and tortures. I read some of it, before I had to stop." Lux shuddered, her eyes beginning to fill with tears. "It makes me feel so silly to be so upset when you are the one who went through it. I just – I just can't believe people can be so cruel. I can't believe that all these months, you were hiding such pain."

"You think I should have told you."

"No!" Lux shook her head. "Nova, no. I'm not afraid of you. I'm not angry at you either. I'm angry at them. I'm so angry that all I can do is stop myself from crying and I'm embarrassed."

Not angry. Not afraid. A nugget inside of me, wretched and rotten was suspicious but I ignored it. Let it rot in the dark. "Come here, Lux."

Tears raced down her reddening cheeks. "You shouldn't be the one comforting me. It should be the other way around."

"Come here," I opened my arms, beckoning her. "I need it."

My little peppermint friend gave me a watery smile before launching herself at me. She banded her arms around me and I folded her into a hug. Lux hugged me tight with all her strength, her cheek resting against me. Her quiet sniffling didn't make me furious to the point of violence. Instead, it was the noise of the garden. No different from the rustle of leaves, or the chirping of birds.

I needed this.

Warmth. Affection. I pressed my cheek against the crown of her head. For a long while, neither of us moved. I didn't move because her quiet crying had not finished and I felt as if she wasn't going to move until I made the move to do so. I was glad she didn't.

It was only when rain began to fall, crisp and cold did we unlatch ourselves. The rain came so swift that by the time we reached the doors, we were soaked through to the bone. We slipped out of our sopping shoes and into the slippers that had been left by the door. The smell of chocolate filled the hallways and we were drawn to the kitchen, where steaming mugs of hot chocolate waited.

Laughter came from the sitting room. I recognized the voices. Easton. Blav. Merri.

Blav had brought his mate around. Lux sneezed, giggling at my sudden look of panic. "I'm not going to get sick."

"You better not." There was no heat in it. I nudged the cup of hot chocolate towards her. "Drink this before it gets cold. And take a hot shower. I'll bully the others into putting on a bad movie that we can laugh at."

Her eyes twinkled. "Oh, can you take the Alpha into letting us braid his hair."

"It isn't long enough."

"It will look cute."

"I'll try."

She smiled at me then, and that smile was as bright as it always had been. She hurried upstairs, but the imprint of warmth she had left did not fade until long into the night. Until after our bad movie was over. Until after we had fallen over laughing at our attempts to braid Easton's hair and his gracious acceptance of Blav's goading. Merri had painted our nails and slathered our faces with strange smelling muck that left my skin so soft.

I fell asleep, staring at the blurry stairs painted along the bedroom walls. I didn't dream of white walls, or blood. Instead, when I woke in the morning, my only memory of my dreams was that of warmth.