Let's drink to the lottery ya'll likely won't win

And here's to all the beds ya'll never be in

A drink to that boss ya hired

And to the job ya fired

I raise me glass to yer mum, that grand lass

And to the day she beget ya

Here's to the chair yer arse will find in here,

May it all day sit ya

May ya never lose yer hat or a shoe runnin from where ya shouldn't be

And may the law never find ya

And please, always will ya wear that sweater full of the hair of that lady's dog that bit ya

I drink to the ones that will

I'll drink to the ones that won't

But, I'll be damned, if I'll drink to the ones that say they will and then they don't