She was speechless.

Her eyes were full of warm tears. Her face was automatically pale. Her silence broke me, completely. I stood up as I tried to embrace her but she pushed me away. She was hurt. It was written all over her poor face. I felt like I was the worst person on earth, I felt guilty, embarrassed, selfish and heartless. I told Hazel that I wasn't going to hurt her. I promised her that I would protect her and now I'm hurting the love of my life and that was the last thing I wanted to do.

Forgive me, Hazel.

I kept saying in my mind but those words weren't enough. Forgiveness was not enough. I created an impossible image inside my head and now I realized that Jack was right. I can't save everyone. I never meant to hurt anyone, to choose someone else over Hazel Brownbut Jack Walterwas my blood. He was the only one that took care of me when I needed company, comfort, and love. I was never going to choose a girl over him. He sacrificed himself for me so many times and I never had the chance to thank him for everything he has done for me, to return the favor.

I was doing the right thing.

But at the same time, my decision was getting the best of me. I was on the edge of a needle, every move counted.

Hazel didn't understand the pain inside my heart, the melancholy raging inside my veins and the misery that my dark soul was running away from. Yes, I made that decision but If you only knew, Hazel. If you only knew... How hard it is for me to even look you in the eyes right now. Seeing your tears running down your gorgeous face and knowing that stuck

Call me selfish, Hazel. Call me heartless. Call me a fool.

Tell me that you hate me. Tell me that I was the worst boyfriend you ever had. Tell me that you regret every moment that we had spent together. Tell me that you're disappointed in me. Tell me that I never loved you.

Deep down, I'll take it all. Not because they're true.

But because I love you to the end of death. I deserve a punishment for hurting you.

"Please, don't touch me." Hazel pushed my hands away from her. "J--J--Just stay away from me." She staggered.

"Babe..." My voice enfeebled. "Please... Listen..."

"Don't you dare call me babe ever again." She pointed her index finger at me. Her tone was more like a sudden warning. "You don't care about me... You never did! " Tears greeted her eyes, unexpectedly. "You played me just like everyone else. You... You... You never loved me..."

"Stop." I interrupted her. "Please, stop." I swallowed my saliva as I tried to calm her down. "I care about you and my feelings for you are real."

"Can't you see that you're hurting me?" She slapped me. "Why don't you care? Why? Tell me why? Why are you leaving me?" She yelled as she kept pushing me over and over again.

Repeatedly.

My chest was begging for mercy.

"I'm sorry..." I grabbed her hands as I pushed her against the wall and spread both of her legs with my feet, to protect my private part from her unwanted kicks. "I'm sorry, okay."

"Sorry?" She mocked me. "Are you hearing yourself right now?" Her tears couldn't stop falling. Oh, Holy Heaven! What have I done? Her hazel eyes were screaming for my love. Her lips were covered with tears and I was just standing there.

Useless.

The love of my life was in pain and I did

.

"Look at me, Hazel" I forced her to hold eye contact with me. "Goddammit woman, look at me!" My voice was wet with tears, my heart was out of beats. I was going insane. "Don't you think I want to spend the rest of my life with you? Don't you think it hurts me to leave you behind? Woman, I'm in love with you..." My chest couldn't take it. The heat of the goosebumps was burning my soul, dangerously as I fought my tears not to fall. "You fucking drive me crazy, Waffle." I paused as I kissed her forehead. "I love you, Gorgeous." I squeezed my teeth as I tried to let the words out, impatiently.

"These are just words, Hawk," Hazel uttered. "You made your choice already and your words are not going to change anything right now."

"I didn't have a choice!" I gritted out forcefully as I punched the wall above her head. angrily. "Don't you get that?" I flew my fingers through my hair as I squeezed them against my scalp. "We're talking about Jack here! Why are you so selfish? He's dying."

"I'm selfish?" She cried out. "I'm the one who's selfish." She chuckled, amusingly. "I understand what you're trying to imply but I can't deal with the pain forever." The pain in her eyes was obvious and unpleasant.

"I'm the one who's going to suffer every single day on the other side." I reminded her. "You're going to have a beautiful family."

"Just go..." She gave up. "That's what you want anyway."

"Can I hold you?" I pleaded. "Just... One last time..."

"It's better if you leave now..." She took her ring off, grabbed my hand and placed it inside as she curved her fingers on mine. "This is the end of our road. We both tried. Goodbye, Hawk Wale." She whispered in my ears as she kissed my cheeks, gently. "Have a safe trip."

"Come here..." I grabbed her hand as I pulled her in a little closer. "I'm not leaving here without a goodbye kiss..." I wiped her tears away as she rolled her eyes, trying to hide her emotions. "I'm not going to force you but I'm also not letting you go until I get my kiss."

"The clock is ticking..." She tried to manipulate me. "It's almost eleven."

"Kiss me, Hazel..." I whispered under my breath as I craved her lips from an inch. "I'll beg if I have to..."

"I don't want to kiss you." I could taste the lie under her breath.

"Oh yeah?" I went all in. I was breathing down her neck this time. "Then why are you shaking?"

"I'm not..." She lied. "I'm just cold."

"Is your heart cold too?" I placed my hand on her chest as I calculated her heartbeats. "Because I can feel your heart pounding like you're having a heart attack."

"Just walk away." She begged as I tried to hold back my tears. "You know how to mess me up and I'm not going to let you win this time. You just broke my heart and you expect me to thank you with a kiss?" She pushed me away slowly. "I'm broken." She paused. "You broke me."

"And I'm sorry..." I caressed her face, gently. "Look at me, I really am sorry and I mean it."

"You said a lot of things and yet, you're leaving today to start a new life without me." She proved her point. "I'm tired of your empty, broken promises. I'm tired of listening to the same melody every single day." She was referring to my words. "You promised me that you weren't going to break my heart and you did."

"I don't know what to say," I responded, dryly. "It wasn't my intention, Hazel." I requested her pardon. "Forgive me."

"Are you done?" She rejected my apology. "Sorry is not going to change anything, Hawk." Tears just couldn't stop falling from her sexy eyes. "I'm losing my mind and you don't understand that your decision made a big impact on me." She gasped for air. "I can't even breathe right now. I'm shocked." The look on her face explained everything.

"I hate myself right now." I sniffled quietly, tears threatening to spill from my eyes. Part of me wanted to rip my heart out. I didn't want to feel anymore. It ached so much. "Hazel, if we must part forever, give me one good memory to think upon while my heart's breaking for you." I was in love but more importantly, my feelings were poisoning me, slowly.

"I don't think you know what you're doing to me..." She answered, sternly. "One good memory cannot save us. One last kiss from my lips can't stop you from leaving. Your heart is all I want but you're hiding it under the heat of your cold heart."

"You caused that heat..." I uttered, softly. "You did..."

"I didn't..." She said, vaguely.

"You drove me crazy to the point that my heart turned into a volcano." I caressed her face gently as I leaned in for a quick kiss. "This fire... Hazel..." I placed her hands on my chest as I continued. "It's burning for you..."

"You're... too... close..." She broke down her words as she stared at my lips, hard to escape. "Pl--Pl--Please..." Her lips trembled by the sensation of my fingertips, swirling slowly behind her ears. "Stop... Stop teasing me..."

Her voice... O' Lord.

My favorite euphony.

Her body language. .

She was very capricious. She had her own way of making you want her even more, without being in the mood.

"I just want a kiss..." I begged, starving for a taste of her saliva. "Just one..."

"And I said no." She replied, confidently. "I'm not going to kiss you."

"This isn't up to you, lady." Her words screamed for attention. "The only thing that's stopping me from kissing you right now is my selfish penis. I'm trying to control myself right now." I challenged myself. "Honestly, I don't want to start something I can't finish."

"Am I a joke to you?" She tried to push me away several times but I was stronger. "What the hell do you want from me?"

"A kiss..." I placed my right hand around her neck as my left hand navigated through her tight underwear. "You're soaking wet... Are you sure you don't want that kiss?" I whispered in her ears as my middle finger locked itself inside her vagina hole, smoothly. I went all-in as she jumped by the movement of my finger. "Fuck... Baby... Why are you so damn wet?"

"Wh-- Wha-- What do-- What do you think you're doing?" She remarked, out of breath. "Stop... Stop it..." She requested but yet, pushed my finger a little bit further, controlling it as if she didn't want it to come to an end.

"Fuck..." I bit her ear, craving her warm skin against mine, sexually. "I want you..."

"Then don't leave..." The space around us volatilized as our lips connected, without a question. Her soft lips were worth billions. Her warm skin was irresistible. Her touch was the definition of honey. "Stay..."

Her last word captured my soul as questions invaded my mind, tentatively.

What do I do?

What the hell do I do now?