A few weeks flew by quickly, my episodes were getting worse. Questions after questions. I decided to buy my own place. Jack was staying with me. Hazel was the only thing on my mind. Her absence created a deep hole inside me. My father's situation started to rise in my head, I wanted justice but at the same time, I just wanted him to stay in peace. That wasn't really the whole truth. On the other hand, I didn't want to hurt Hazel. I was in love with her, my first mistake.

The best thing was to ignore her and pretend that I didn't feel anything for her anymore.

My stomach was screaming for a little taste of food. I haven't eaten for days. I lost my appetite the same night at the hospital. The dirty truth ate every good thing inside me. I was starving but I didn't want food. I was starving Hazel. It felt wrong in my mind but I just couldn't resist myself from missing her, from having strong feelings for her, from wanting to taste her lips one last time, from craving the warmth of her body against mine.

Was I wrong? Yes, I was but I just couldn't control it. I kept missing her every second of every day.

When I was young, I never thought that I was going to fall for someone like Hazel but It happened so fast. I fell in love with the enemy's daughter. Do I want to stop? I do but it hurts. It hurts like hell. It hurts to keep my distance from her. It hurts to breathe different air. She was supposed to be my future wife, to be a good example in my eyes, to be the one. She was the only good thing after my father. She made me feel a feeling that I've never felt before. I wanted her to be mine forever. I wanted her to carry my children one day but it was just in my book of fantasy.

Our love was wrong but I was craving it more and more.

I wanted Hazel to take my pain and make it disappear. I wanted her to curve me like a little pillow and caress my thoughts with good vibes. I wanted her to scream at the top of her lungs 'It's all a dream, my love.' but it was the contrary. She did betray me and I was all on my own. She didn't care about me. She didn't really feel anything for me. She was submitting her homework to her . She didn't want to fail her family, she decided to study me instead.

I wanted her in my life after everything. What was happening to me? I was losing my mind slowly. I was losing control, I was broken, I wanted her to heal me with a little bit of her opaque love.

"Hawk?" Jack disgraced my intentions with his ego. "Stop thinking about this girl and eat something." He forced me as he bought me a plate of hot food. "Are you going to sit in this room for the rest of your life and keep wondering if Hazel is sleeping with another man?"

What if she really is sleeping with another man? I didn't think about that until now.

"I'm not hungry, Jack." I refused and slap a lie to his face. "Can you stop mentioning her name? I don't want to think about her. She's dead to me." I lied and tried my best to push my emotions to the side.

"Are you really denying that you think about this girl every single day?" He chuckled. "I've known you my whole life. I know when you're lying to me, Hawk." He threw a pink envelope on the bed. "Hazel wanted me to give you this. Do you remember a few weeks ago? I was at her house and her father was giving me the papers that you were asking him for? Well, the same day. I didn't want to give it to you because you were out of control. I didn't want you to destroy it." He forced a smile. "I didn't read it. I swear."

"I don't care, Jack. You're my best friend." I opened the envelope, urgently. "I don't even want to read it." I threw it on the other side of the bed.

"Hawk," He sighed. "I also don't want to hide anything from you. When I was over there, Max was there. She gave two letters. Here." He handed me a second envelope. "I feel like you have to try to be more inconspicuous. If you want Hazel to think that you're over her, you're going to need to work on yourself a little bit better." He advised.

"You're not helping." I refused to follow his advice.

"Actually, I am." He tapped my right shoulder. "I'm going out. I'll be back in a few... Loverboy." He teased jokingly as he closed the door after him.

He was actually right. My feelings for Hazel was so obvious, it was hard to hide them.

I took a long deep breath and opened the letters one by one.

Dear Hawk,

I know you don't want to talk to me right now and I totally agree with that. I am so sorry. I'm sorry for what I did to you. I was wrong, I was wrong for hiding the truth from you. I did it for two personal reasons. First reason, I didn't want my father to stay in prison for the rest of his life and second, I fell in love with you and I felt so embarrassed that I was scared to spill the truth. I thought you were going to hate me so I decided to keep it to myself. It's wrong. My father deserves to be in jail. It's not too late to do so. You hate me, you have every right to. I know this letter is not enough for you to understand me but I'm begging you. Don't hate me, please. Forgive me, my love. Now, I miss you badly. It's hard to fall asleep at night. I kept thinking about you, Hawk. I need you by my side. I need you. I'm sorry, my father is a monster. I know that but I still love him. It's hard to describe but I hope you understand the reasons why I hid it from you. I never meant to hurt you. I don't want to lose you. I know you still think about me. I'm doing great. My body is still weak but I hope I'll be great in a few weeks. I know you're hurt and if you don't want to forgive me, it's totally fine. I won't force you but I am truly sorry. Please, I want to talk to you face to face. I will keep my hands to myself, I won't touch you. I will respect your limits. I just want to talk to you one last time and explain everything to you. If you have any feelings inside your heart, accept my offer and come see me. I still like you with all my heart. You're the best thing in my life, babe. I miss you like crazy. Please think about it. I really want to see you.

Sincerely, Hazel Brown-- Waffle.

.

Her words really touched me but it was too late for her apologies. I swear, I wanted to believe every single word but she betrayed me. She filled me up with lies and excuses. She played me like I was her violin. I didn't want to fall for her silly tricks anymore. Why was Max at her house in the first place? Did they spend the night together? What happened between these weeks. Did she take him back? Max probably knew the truth.

Maybe that was the reason why he disrespected my father that morning. He told me to make love to my father's picture and Hazel defended him. Now, I finally understand everything. That was the reason why they never cared about my father's death. They were taking it so lightly. Mrs. Maria started to talk about my father the first time I met her and she stopped in the middle of the sentence. She knew what her husband did was wrong.

Hazel once called her parents hypocrites. It wasn't random. She was really expressing her feelings. I was the one who didn't really collect the details one by one. I thought the family was sincere and truthful but I was wrong all along. They were traitors.

Starting with Mr.Dean.

Pretended to offer his hospitality when he was just trying to poison me.

Later. Later.

"Hawk?" Jack opened the door. I thought he just left. "You're coming with me." He grabbed me by the arm as he chased my thoughts away. "We're going to a party tonight."

"I rather stay home." I refused, suddenly. "I'm not in the mood for parties."

"I'm going with the girl I was telling you about." A smile played on his face. "Emilie." I sighed. I really didn't care or remember that he was talking to someone. "She's bad. Her boobs are..." He gestured and created his own version to show how big and perfect they were. "I'm sure. You will find a girl over there. It's her birthday party. She invited me, man, Come on. I want to hit it tonight. it's my time to shine." He exclaimed, jokingly.

"No."I declined. "Go without me." I tried to convince him.

"Hazel will be there."

"How do you know?" I said, unexpectedly. "Why am I even asking you that? I'm definitely not going."

"Emilie is her friend. She invited her." Jack stated. "Hazel is doing better now. Five weeks of recovery. She's probably twerking tonight too."

Twerking!?

Hazel can't twerk.

"I'm not going." I implied. "I'm sleepy by the way." I created a simple lie.

"Come on." He begged. "You're going to have fun and you can make Hazel jealous by dancing or talking to someone else." Good point but no!

"I'll pass." I turned the T.V on.

I really wasn't in the mood to party. I wanted to think about my situation first. I didn't want to leave my bed. I wanted to watch a movie and sleep. That was the best and safest thing to do.

"In that case, you're punished." He threw a young girl inside my bedroom. "You're babysitting Barbie tonight."

My worst nightmare.

"I actually want to go now." I changed my mind. "I'm taking my car." I grabbed the party flyer in his hands as I headed out.

I was not about to sit and babysit a kid. I had too much on my plate and I really didn't want to add more to my life. I didn't have time to stress or take care of anyone's baby. If I was better, then I wouldn't have a problem but I just didn't want to lose control and hurt the poor kid.

I love kids, though.

****

As I parked in front of the house. Two young couples were sharing saliva. I thought of Hazel's lips. I ignored the romantic view as I drove myself inside the house. Everyone was jumping up and down. Their movements enjoyed the DJ's songs. Some girls were flirting with my body from afar. I wasn't interested.

No beauty couldn't compare to Hazel.

Hazel was a masterpiece. Special gold piece.

It was a great party. Some of the girls were twerking, naked. The rest was sitting on their phones, recording. Some of them were pretending that they were texting, Of course, girls love faking it. Deep down, they really want to be part of the circle, to catch handsome guys' attention. I wasn't into them. Most of them tried to talk to me by faking to spill their drinks on themselves. Like seriously? Some girls are just crazy and they don't think of the bad consequences.

Guys love boobs, let me try to spill it between my cleavage. He will want me.

Not all of them, to be honest.

I headed to the back as I invited myself to the garden. Nice background. A few people were murmuring between them. I wasn't by myself. It was refreshing. The cold wind introduced itself to my skin as I enjoyed its power. The beautiful stars were staring at me in the dark sky. The moon was raping my eyes, attentively. The trees were balancing and dancing behind me. I sat on the little table across the beautiful flowers and made myself at home.

"Are you alone?" A familiar voice cracked behind me, with two beers between her perfect fingers. "Can we talk?" She placed them on the table, uninvitingly.

.

"My... Um... My girl-" "My girlfriend is getting my drink inside. She can be here any second now." I lied as I tried my best not to lose eye contact.

"Girlfriend? Huh?" She crossed her arms as her brows drew its own picture. "Jack didn't tell me you had a girl." She confronted me, silently.

"I love..." I was trying not to give in and rape her tempting lips. "I love keeping things to myself. People can deceive you." I reminded her of her perfect mistake.

"True." She pulled a chair and sat in front of me. "But, you have to learn how to forgive sometimes."

"What do you want?" I asked, firmly. "You're the last person I want to talk to." I flashed my point of view, savagely. "Please leave."

"I want to thank you for my father." She sighed. "I know you didn't report him to the police but he gave himself in this morning." She paused, trying to collect herself from the pain. "I'm proud of him and I know he did the right thing." Tears fell upon her face, slowly. "I just want us to-"

"Us?" I chuckled in a petty tone. "We're done, Hazel. I don't want to see you anymore. I have a girl and I don't want you to destroy our relationship." I created a lie, urgently.

"So?" She started. "You don't feel anything for me?"

I wish I could say no. I wish I could wash my feelings away, Hazel but I just can't. No matter how hard I've tried. I just can't stop liking you.

"I..." I stopped myself from telling her the truth. "Why do you care? Does it matter?" I tried to prove my point. "I don't want to be with you anymore."

"I want to know because your mom threatened me." Her sentence caught my attention.

"Stop with your lies." I chased her thoughts away. "I don't want to hear it. My mom is dead. She's not my mother." I refused to hear her.

"Your mother is going to kill you before you turn twenty-one." Her sentence broke me entirely. "She told me herself."

"How do I know you're not lying to me right now?" I wanted to make sure.

"Because she paid Max to kill you." She stated. "He agreed, I wrote you a second letter to warn you unless you didn't read it."

"I don't believe you," I said, vaguely.

"Your mother slept with my dad the day your father was murdered." Her sincere tone caught my attention for good this time. "Believe me or not, your mother has a darker secret. A secret that she doesn't want anyone to find out" She paused. "My dad doesn't even know what it is."