《Her House, My Rules》Chapter 28
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"I'm playing, Hawk." Jack gave me a friendly punch as he started to explain himself. "Hazel just wants to know everything. I hate her brother. You and I both know that I don't date crazy girls. Jessica is not my type." He laughed as he advanced on Hazel, jokingly. "But Hazel is."
Hazel laughed.
.
"Back up, brother." I pushed him slowly. A smile played on my silly face. "Over my dead body." I kissed Hazel's forehead.
"I think, I'm going to get coffee downstairs." Jack opened the door. "Hawk?. Behave yourself, brother. It's a hospital, not a hotel." He closed the door after him.
How do I start Hazel Brown? How do I tell you the truth? How can my secret not hurt and break our relationship?
I didn't want to hide things from Hazel anymore. She deserved the truth and I didn't care anymore. I thought I lost Hazel for good when I heard about the accident. I decided to tell her everything about the past but I was trying to find a different way to put it. I didn't know what else to tell her. She was the only good thing in my life. I didn't want to lose her too. My feelings for Hazel was strong and real. I didn't want to break our good souvenirs by telling her my dark secret.
How would she take it? Is she going to leave or stay? What if she hates me after everything?
"Hazel?" I sighed, nervously. "I think I'm ready to tell you everything. Well, I'm not really ready to do this but I don't want to hide anything from you." I grabbed her warm hands. "How do I start?" I paused.
"From the beginning." She stated, urgently.
"When I was a little baby..." I started explaining everything to her.
Hazel's eyes were focused on me. She was listening to every word, every detail. Her face was full of confusions and scary desires. Deep down, I knew that it was the right thing to do but at the same time, I was scared of the future consequences. There I was, in a hospital room with Hazel, telling her everything about my past and my future.
It felt good but I didn't know if it was going to last. I felt free, I felt guilty for poisoning her life with mine. She didn't deserve me. I was a dangerous creature. She was close to danger and far from safety. I had two sides. A good and a bad one.
I was one of a kind. A .
.
Was I dangerous? I was. Was she safe around me? Of course not.
I didn't know what was going to happen next or how to control this other side of me. I just couldn't look into Hazel's eyes and tell her that she was not in danger. A terrible lie, if you ask me. I had to stay away from her. I wanted a life far from her sight. I wanted to test my power and my weaknesses.
She was one of them.
"Are you saying that you can't control it?" Hazel continued, gently. "When do you have your episodes?" Her question revealed an impossible effect.
"I don't really know, babe," I stated. "It just happened. Sometimes, It kills my human side. It happened a long time ago and now it's happening again and I think I'm dangerous. I can't really be by your side if I can't figure how to control it." I sighed, desperately. "I don't want to hurt you."
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"I don't want to leave your side. I really like you, Hawk and I don't want our relationship to end this way." Tears fell upon her face as she leaned in for a kiss. I declined. "What's wrong? Don't you want to kiss me?" Her perfect eyebrows questioned.
"Hazel," My voice craved for mercy. "I actually came here to say goodbye." I tried to push her away.
"Goodbye?" Her pale face disagreed. "What do you mean? Are you leaving me?" She paused. "Are you breaking up with me?"
"Well," I gave in. "It's not really goodbye. I just want some time for myself and my situation. To be honest, I don't want to hurt you. I need to figure out my other self. I need to know how to control it." I whispered, sadly. "Waffle." I caressed her face gently, with a few of my fingers. "I care about you a lot. More than you think but, I just don't want to transform and hurt you. I don't even know what I'm capable of. Please, I'm doing this because I like you and you're the only one that makes me feel the way I feel."
"You're breaking up with me?" Her eyes emerged with silent tears. "Why are you doing this to me, Babe?" Her voice cracked me in. "Why? Please tell me why?"
"Listen to me." I kissed her forehead, trying to sum it a better way. "I'm going to spend a few days at Jack's house, I want you to be strong and take your medicine."
"Answer me," Her tone was cold and hungry for answers. "Are you breaking up with me, Hawk?"
"Hazel." I sighed, looking down. "I... I... I don't... want...to..."
"Is that why you don't want to kiss me?" She interrupted with a petty tone. "You're leaving me. Who is she?"
"What are you talking about?" I tried to calm her down. "I do want to kiss you but at the same time, I don't want you to be sad." I paused. "If I kiss you, you'll want more and that's leading you on."
"Wait, what?" She questioned. "I don't understand you right now. You just told me that you're not breaking up with me. You can't just--"
"No." I burned her incomplete sentence. "I said I don't want to but I never said that I'm not going to."
"Oh, wow." She cried, silently. "I should've known that you wanted only one thing." "You slept with me and now, you're trying to fill me up with lies and excuses. Do you think I'm dumb?"
"Aye. Aye." I stopped her. "First of all Hazel, why are you thinking so negative? Second of all, we made love because we both share deep feelings towards each other. Third, I like you, I really do like you with all my heart. Why would you think that? I'm not breaking up with you, okay?" I confirmed. "I don't want you to be sad my love, If things get worse, I won't have a choice, I'll do it."
"I don't want you to leave." Hazel hugged me. "Please, promise me." She begged.
"Hazel, I--"
"Promise me, Hawk." She whispered in my ear as she tried to control her tears. "Promise me that you won't leave my side."
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"I promise." I gave in. "I promise, please stop crying." I grabbed her by the face as I placed my thumb below her mouth, my fingers curled under her chin, gently. "You're mine, my sweet waffle." I enveloped her lips with a hungry kiss. "Mine," I whispered between kisses.
Kissing Hazel was like tasting Ice cream on a cold night. I was melting in her mouth. Cold lips, warm tongue. It was Summer on a Winter.
I was enjoying her taste.
I was craving more of her hungry tongue.
"Am I interrupting something?" An unfamiliar female voice splashed at the door. "I'm sorry but I knocked. I thought she was alone."
The same nurse, Ana Hudson? I believe.
I started to feel different. I started to feel connected again to this stranger. This woman.
My power started to enroll my body with a melody of eager. I wanted to engage myself with her. I wanted revenge but at the same time, something stronger was holding me back. It felt strange.
I felt unarmed.
"Babe." Hazel's eyes enlarged. "Your... your eyes..."
My eyes turned yellow.
A Lion vibe.
"What is it?" The nurse advanced on me as I started to tap my teeth against each other. "Are you okay, young man?" My eyes glued on her face. I just couldn't look away. The curse in her eyes was incidental.
"Who are you?" I pushed her body against the wall and squeezed her neck with a temperature of poison. The papers in her hands flew in the air, suddenly. "How do you know me?"
Her body trembled in my hands.
, Hazel said.
I just couldn't stop. Something inside me was stronger than reality. I wanted to scream in this woman's ears and spray my questions with danger. My eyes were disagreeing with my humanity. She knew me. I felt it. My heart jumped by her presence. My eyes begged for more answers. I wanted her to talk and speak the truth.
My hands were choking her and the worst part, I was enjoying it.
I'm not going to repeat myself, Lady! Who the hell are you?
I choked her more.
I loved it. My eyes wanted to murder her.
"Please, don't hurt me." Her voice clapped in my ears. "I can help you." She craved for air.
"Who-are-you?" I broke down my words as I choked her even more. I wasn't myself. I wasn't a murderer but when my eyes turned on me, I just couldn't help myself. I wanted to kill her alive.
"Ana..." She choked from empty air. "Ana Hudson, your... your... mo... mother."
My mother?
Was she really my mother?
"You're not my mother," I whispered under my breath. "My mother is dead. I'm not going to let you go until you tell me the truth." Her hands begged mine to stop. "Who-are-you? I'm not going to repeat myself. I'll kill you, I swear."
I was serious. I wasn't myself.
I was really capable of murdering this woman alive.
"I... s... swear..." I let go as her broken words burned my mind with rage.
"Who sent you?" I felt like my eyes were getting out of my control. "You have three seconds." Her pale face proved her innocence.
"Nobody sent me." She sighed. "I'm a nurse practitioner. I've been working inside this hospital for years. I am your mother and I can help you." She inclined her hands from far.
"Don't even try to touch me." I forbade. "If you are my mother, prove it," I exclaimed, firmly.
"My little boy," Tears started to arouse her face. "You've grown so much. You are so handsome." She got on her knees and started to emerge her feelings inside the room. "I begged your father but he did not listen. Your sister is dead because of this stupid experiment. I thought I was going to lose you too but..."
"Stop talking, please..." My jaw clenched. My teeth clashed each other. "Don't talk about my father like that. He took care of me when you didn't want me." Hidden tears begged my eyes to fall but I declined. I had to be strong to face this lady.
This selfish woman. My mother.
She was my mother, my own blood.
I didn't have proof but I felt it in her presence. My body revealed bad souvenirs inside my brain.
"Your father lied to you. I wanted to be there for you. I wanted to take care of you. I wanted you as my son but I just couldn't take it anymore. I felt guilty. You were just a little boy, small fingers, handsome face, perfect nose and dimples, green eyes, soft black hair. You were so perfect that I didn't want to fail you. I wanted you to die just like your sister because you were just innocent and you didn't deserve what we did to you. I loved you. You were my son." Tears burned my face, negatively. "I still love you."
Look at you, using the word,
For so many years, I begged for your love. I begged for your presence. You weren't there to give them to me? Were you? I sacrificed my own self to love a ghost, to picture a beautiful woman as my mother, to capture invisible good moments with you in it. Where were you when I was sick in bed? Cold fever, Empty stomach, Thirsty throat, runny nose, heavy blood on my shirt from bullying. Where were you when I needed someone to talk to? Where were you when I was scared at night and I needed a bedtime story? Where were you when I was begging the holy heaven for empty kisses? Where were you when kids used to make fun of me on Mother's days?
. .
.
What's the definition of , Mother?
You've claimed that you loved me but yet,
Do you know how to love someone? Do you know how to change diapers? Do you know how to feed your own baby? Take care of them? Make them breakfast? Put them to bed? Hold them when they're scared of the loud thunder on a rainy day? Protect them from getting hurt?
You don't love me. Ana Hudson.
.
"Hawk?" Ana trembled by my silence. "I was there the night your father got killed." A scary vibe approached her. "I know who killed him."
"Who?" I questioned, entirely. "Who killed him?"
"." She replied with so much confidence in her voice. "."
Hazel gasped by the scary news.
.
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