Elle McBriar

July 30th, 4 months and 18 days after the first zombie report

It's been a long time since I held a pen and wrote my feelings into this journal.

At first it was just going to be a progress report on how things were doing. How many zombies we'd killed, what kind of things were happening. But now it's how I express myself.

Believe it or not, the two college kids who created the zombie serum, were alive, up until a few days ago. They kidnapped Gage and I, and used my blood to create more zombies. But Paxton and Alex saved us, shooting the boys. I am forever grateful.

But it was painful. They hooked me up to an IV and practically bled me dry. I honestly thought I was going to die. And I wanted too, I would have happily succumbed to death but apparently God had other options.

Not that I'm complaining.

But I really wished I didn't feel so guilty or helpless, I didn't know why.

On a happier note, for the first time in a long time, today was a beautiful peaceful day. Nothing bad happened except that Paxton got mad a game of uno because I won. I'll admit, it was funny. But today was utterly beautiful. Slight breeze, gorgeous sun, hot heat.

I craved the water. A river, a beach, a lake, a swimming pool. Anything I could dunk my head under. I want to feel free as I glide across the water. But, I don't know. The boys don't let me walk across the street without one of them looking at me.

They don't think it's safe after I got kidnapped. But I have to tell them I'm fine.

I closed my journal, satisfied with today's entry as I head into the bathroom, picking up my pink toothbrush as I scrub my teeth clean.

Spitting it out and holding my hair back, I lean back up, dropping my toothbrush. In the mirror, staring back at me is Tyler, the guy who kidnapped me. I turn around, seeing nothing. I turn back to the mirror, nothing. Am I going crazy?

I pick up my toothbrush, placing it back in the carrier.

"Do we have any water?" I ask softly, seeing Paxton in the kitchen, "Yeah, why? You feeling okay?" He asks automatically, looking at me, "Yeah no I'm fine, I just have a headache, that's all." I smiled, standing on my tip toes to grab the pain meds.

Swallowing two, I take a sip of water to wash it down with. As I screw on the cap lid, I turn around. And once again, Tyler is there, staring at me. Like it's burned into my skull. I start to shake, I know it's just an illusion. Tyler and Jared are dead.

I take a step back, "Elle?" Someone says, breaking me out of my trance, I look over to see Paxton, who's standing in front of me now, I jump, "I'm fine." I hurry out, walking to my room with the bottle of water.

* * *

That night I couldn't sleep. The image of Tyler and Jared is still burnt clear into my mind. All the things they did to me. I could still feel the buzzing of the collar as it gripped around my neck. I could smell the burning batteries of it as Tyler pressed the button to its extent.

I remember the stabbing pain of the needle in my skin, a scar forever graced my once soft skin. Lots of scars, now remain. The clamp of the ties and leathers belts around my ankles and wrists as they strap me in. It's like every time I close my eyes, it's all I can see. But every time I open my eyes I see them, standing there in front of me. So why do I feel guilty? I shouldn't.

I don't know what happened to me. I remember going to bed and shutting my eyes. And feeling like I was awake, but I'm awake now, sitting up in bed with three guys surrounding me. I look up, feeling drowsy and confused. Gage, Alex and Paxton all sit on my bed, half asleep as they stare at me, concern laced in their features.

"Why are you screaming Elle?" Gage whispers, rubbing his eyes, "I-I.. it doesn't matter. I'm fine." I whisper back, "You're not fine, come on, tell us." Alex pressures, "I just had a nightmare. I'm okay, seriously. I'm sorry for waking you up, again." I apologised, feeling tears in my eyes.

They didn't move, "Elle, come on. We know you, what's bothering you."

I shook my head, bringing my knees to my chest as I sunk my head between them, "I just want to be alone." I sighed.

They were still there, but after a little while they left. I lifted my head, surprised to see a shadow and a weight still on my bed. I made it out to be Paxton, under the moonlight, "What are you doing here? I said I wanted to be alone." I whispered.

"I know you did, Elle. But I also know that you can't sleep, so. I'm here to sleep with you, so you're not walking round like a zombie for the next week." He made a zombie joke. And I would've laughed if I wasn't so tired.

Paxton climbed in next to me, just like Alex did a couple weeks back.

But Paxton's comfort was much more welcomed than Alex. It didn't feel as forced, or awkward. I lay down next to Paxton, feeling his body heat mix with mine. I could smell the lingering of body spray on him, and toothpaste.

He was shirtless. I know this because I can see the small patches of goosebumps that had risen on his skin as the moon guided us with it's light, "Do you always sleep with your curtains open?" Paxton whispered, I shrugged, "Yeah." I mumbled, it helps me see.

We were laying right next to each other, not touching, not moving. Nothing. His arm was so close to mine that if I moved it, we'd be holding hands. I was tense, intimidated.

"I'm afraid to sleep." I started by saying. "When I close my eyes I see Tyler and Jared torturing me and Gage. I can still feel the prick of the needle and the zap of the shock collar." I cried, my hands instinctively going to my neck. I rubbed the now partially healed patch of skin, "And I also see, my father, and my family. I see them being killed and eaten. And then when I think I've made it out alive, I turn around and there's a gun being placed to my head." I don't know why I'm telling him all this, but it feels good to get it off my chest, "And then the trigger is pulled, and I'm dead."

I finish the story, closing my eyes as a tear runs down it. I don't wipe it away. This type of pain feels good.

The bed moves and one of Paxton's arms is around me. I'm still laying down, his face over top of mine. He wipes the tears away with his thumb, his hand still resting on the side of my face. It feels nice. "You've suffered a severe trauma, Elle. We don't expect you to be okay all the time."

I nodded, "But I feel guilty." "Why? You haven't done anything wrong, Elle." Paxton pleads, "Because I couldn't help them. I stood there why my family got killed. I'm hopeless. I can't do anything. I can't even bring justice to my family." I sighed, feeling more tears tickle my face.

"You brought justice to this family." I look up at him. I can already feel him looking into my eyes, "We're a family, Elle."

That made me feel at home.

* * *

hii

i cried writing this chapter lol

we all have demons were trying to fight. i hope you overcome yours :))

happy reading !!